htdmetyrm

I don't just give out 9's. 9-10 are reserved for real standout film-going "experiences." Not every movie is an experience. I mean, I liked the movie Licorice Pizza. Actually, I loved it but... I watched it, stood up, brushed the chips off of the front of my hoody, said "Man, that was great," and kept it moving. I don't know that it's crossed my mind since.

A Prayer' (it's characters / particular scenes) on the other hand, has become a pretty consistent intrusive thought. I find Joe's first two nights in prison to be among the most haunting things ever depicted in film. It's proof, that hell does exist on earth and that humans are capable of unspeakable evil. Un-speak-a-bull.

Not even my man Ralph Fiennes could lend any credence to this hapless flop-diddly-op. It's one of those movies that I couldn't help criticizing out loud while watching. Namely, I had a huge issue with the characters motivations (mostly talking about the murderous wait staff) and the way-too-glaring plot holes. I regularly suspend disbelief while watching movies. I'll let certain impossibilities slide because... it's more fun that way. I could do no such thing while watching The Menu. On several occasions I found myself saying out loud,

"Why the would she do _____?" "No one would ever _____" "Why wouldn't they just _____?"

It pained me to see the esteemed Mr. Gustave H. Have to attempt the Herculean task of propping up such a rudderless production. I watched it less than a week ago and I don't even remember how it ended. Oh yeah, Anya Taylor-Joy is in it too.

My expectations for Bromates were admittedly low (somewhat non-existent) and typically, that would afford a movie a few extra stars. I assumed it would follow the same formula as movies like Oldschool, The Hangover, or The 40 Year Old Virgin - you know, bro-comedies. Frankly, if Bromates had half the charm of one of the second rate movies of that genre (ie Neighbors) - I would have gone about my business and had no reason to write a review.

That said, I found the writing to be so formulaic, so lackluster, so void of any original characters, situations, relationships, hardships, etc that I felt compelled to write on it. I laughed zero times. I predicted all the punchlines. I found the friendships to be so unbelievable that it distracted from any potentially funny interactions.

In DVD form, you'd find this movie in the bargain-bin at Walgreens between a copy of Free Willy 2 and a box of Mike and Ike's that someone discarded right before checkout. The writers should have to pay to have their names expunged from the IMDB page.