Mike E Monster

A beautifully rendered, if not entirely original, retelling of the Nosferatu tale - it, unto itself, a reshaping of author Stoker's now-iconic Dracula. Not much new ground unearthed here, but what is dug is deep in rich midnight blacks, thick grey shadows and soaked in dark warm pools of flowing crimson. Fantastic performances by the entire cast and amazing cinematography make for a near visually flawless neo Victorianesque nightmare, one that - while albeit largely familiar - is nonetheless rendered as frightening and powerful as any previous incarnation. Skarsgard is exceptional as Orlock, with the only drawback being his heavily-laden prosethics and thick mustache of the undead. The result makes for an unrecognizable actor and, more pointedly, a tad underwhelming Orlock.

To be remembered as a) a pioneer of the "found-footage" genre b) one of the highest ROIs in Hollywood history - and - c) a brilliant marketing campaign. Alas, when the film ends and the lights come up? You feel completely ripped off. And why is that? Because you were! This film is trash. There's a sucker born every minute - just ask the next adult who actually sits through this snoozefest with zero payoff.