Zeegrade

Directed by John Saxon "Zombie Death House", with zombie shoddily superimposed to make this 1980's cliché filled flick appear more like "Return of the Living Dead" rather than a episode of "Hunter", focuses too much on exposition of the characters than on what this film was meant to be. A zombie infestation set inside a corrupt prison has all the elements to be a cult classic but this movie takes far too much time establishing the plot and offers little in violent mayhem.

Former Vietnam vet Derek Keillor (the late Dennis Cole) takes a job as a driver for local mob gangster Vic Moretti (the late Anthony Franciosa - did anyone survive this?) and promptly begins driving Moretti's girlfriend Genelle with his penis. When the affair is discovered Moretti kills Genelle and frames Derek for her murder. He's convicted of the crime (must of had a bad lawyer) and sentenced to death at a prison that conducts medical experiments on the prisoners through a covert government operation led by Col. Gordon Burgess (Saxon). This takes up the first 20 minutes of the movie which is way too long of a setup to introduce the "innocent hero" in a prison setting. The prison that I speak of has a corrupt head guard, Raker, that works for Moretti and answers to Moretti's homosexual inmate brother Franco and his boytoy Sean whom Raker gets "intimate" with during the film. Anyway, a new serum that's supposed to give ordinary men super strength is injected into one of the inmates about to be executed (does anybody think that super strong convicts might cause a problem?) when he turns into a zombie-like monster a begins killing his captors. Turns out that this infliction acts as a virus and the first signs of infection are persistent nosebleeds before succumbing to it. Derek manages to escape his cell during the attack which he then frees the other prisoners, who are more than cooperative for death-row inmates mind you, and organizes a hostage exchange with Col. Burgess who is watching the whole mess unfold just outside the prison. With the prison quarantined along with a few new guests, a former co-worker of Burgess turned newswoman Tanya Karrington (Tane! McClure) her cameraman and Vic Moretti himself looking to free his brother Franco minus his boyfriend. Will anyone survive? How will they get out? Will Tane! McClure show off her wonderful breasts? Does she ever fail to?

I don't know where to categorize this one. Clearly this was meant to be more of an action film under the original title of "Death House" rather than horror. When the zombies finally figure into the story it's only sparingly with too much emphasis on Derek's vendetta against Moretti. The gore is okay, not anything special and downright silly in one scene when someone loses an arm, and there are a couple of topless scenes including the absurd daydream that Derek has of Tanya. Speaking of the lovely Tane! this movie supposedly introduces us to Ms. McClure meaning that this was her first film. Not true! While "Death House" came out in 1987 McClure starred in the 1986 Klaus Kinski slasher "Crawlspace" in 1986 billed only as Tane!. You can find this in the bargain bin DVD section for about $1 which is all I would pay to see this nothing more. Disappointing.

Five city doctors reunite to go backpacking in the Canadian wilderness when someone interrupts the incessant work-related bickering by stealing their boots while they stopped at a river to rest. While the search for the boots comes up empty, DJ sets out to a local dam to see if he can find help as he is the only one to bring an extra pair of shoes, something he implored to his fellow hikers to do as well falling on deaf ears. While they wait, Harry (Hal Holbrook) and the others try to amuse themselves when a bee hive is tossed at them causing the four to tumble down a hill and into the river. This kills one of the doctors shocking the remaining three into the realization that perhaps these are no mere coincidences and that someone is out to get them. With tempers high and the travel slow and painful due to the lack of boots the doctors attempt to follow DJ's path to the dam. More traps await as the victims continue to pile up without any clue or reason to why it's happening.

I really would like to give this and even higher rating but sadly the degraded copy that I watched from Mill Creek's drive-in collection was poorly lit and edited severely. "The Creeper" as my copy was called, though I saw the trailer for this years ago as "Rituals", was the 89-minute edited version which sadly resembles the type of cut you would see on television. The scenes filmed at night were virtually impossible to make out especially during the climax. However, this is not the fault of the film itself which is a creepy thriller that will have you hooked to the end. Hal Holbrook does an excellent job as the jaded doctor and Korean war vet that is constantly banging heads with Mitzi while keeping the three of them alive. My one complaint is that you really don't sympathize with any of the doctors as none of the characters are really that likable. I saw myself as more of an observer rather than someone invested in hoping these doctors survive. I consider this Canadian "Deliverance" above average as far as the city folk versus the backwoods locals genre started by the aforementioned film. If you are interested in these types of survival flicks than let me also recommend the superior "Southern Comfort" set in the swamps of Louisiana.

Really bland James Bond-lite European piece about an American government agent assigned to be the head of security for the king of Kafiristan after one of his comrades takes an assassin's bullet meant for the king. Sensitivites arise as the U.S. is looking to sign a lucrative contract with the oil rich country which needs him alive at least until the the deal is signed. Thankfully this was made forty years before Hollywood decided to make Americans the bad guy in all energy concerns but I digress. Enter "Angel Face" Mark Stone who spends his free-time pretending to be a fashion photographer which is funny because I do the very same thing when I go to the mall. Mark is the strictly business CIA agent that is tasked with hunting down a hit-man with a sweet tooth. At least this is what the film chooses to focus on as the candy thing is more of a quirk than a calling card to anyone who stumbles upon one of his victims. The killer is Oscar Snell, a former Nazi, who really makes a lot of mistakes for a professional assassin. His numerous attempts on the king's life all fail which spoils the confrontation between Stone and himself. Numerous fights scenes are clumsily spliced together as Stone must outsmart a small army sent to dispatch him and his partner Costa who does a decent job as the girl-crazy comic relief. Not a whole lot of beauties to ogle either as this is a skin-free film that offers very little titillation which is rare for these kind of movies. The late sixties lounge musak score is so inappropriate in the shootout scenes that it's almost comedic when watching it. Complete with "bada-dada-da's" it's the kind of music which should accompany Mark prancing through a field of lilies. On the positive side "Killer" makes great use of the unique landscape like a shootout in a park lined with large ancient sculptures and a battle in the catacombs of a church. I really started to get bored towards the end as I struggled to focus on how Mark was going to capture Snell which ends anticlimactically as well mind you. If you're looking to be satisfied eat a Snickers instead and skip this candy.