robotjohnny

The Limb Salesman is a science fiction love story written and directed by Anais Granofsky, whom you may know better as 'Lucy' from Degrassi Junior High.

It's always fun to write reviews of bad movies, and I feared that most films screened at the Toronto film festival would be of a certain caliber since they were clearly chosen by educated programming directors and screening committees. Lucky for me I forgot about one thing-- independent Canadian cinema.

First off, the movie is shot on video, so it has that great cheap made-in-my-basement Canadian feel to it. Not necessarily the best choice for a quasi-futuristic sci-fi romantic epic -it reeks of a final-year school project.

It takes place in a dystopian future that is part cybergrunge and part Victorian period piece. And since it's shot on video, it looks like what I imagine would happen if the Wachowski brothers directed an episode of Road to Avonlea (it even features Jackie Burroughs!)

The premise? Cellular regeneration and genetic engineering are blackmarket specials for the 'limb salesman' who is hired by an industrialist to give his stumpy daughter some real legs to walk around on. Meanwhile there is a subplot of a social uprising of the working class- miners that exist entirely offscreen. 'I just came from the mines,' explain characters, 'there's been a horrible accident of which you'll have to take my word!'

For a move that tries to take itself as seriously and as epic as The Matrix it is devoid of any and all special effects. The wardrobe looks like it was found entirely at a flea market or at Value Village and the whole thing is laced with horrible unnatural dialogue delivered in stiff, high school acting (fitting, I suppose, that it was directed by a Degrassi alumnus).

'Your day will come!' 'Are you finished?' 'Quite!'

It was all I could do to not roll my eyes every 5 minutes when another sci-fi cliché was introduced into the story, such as this beauty: The world's most expensive, precious commodity? You guessed it. Water. $100 shotglasses of the stuff are sipped with comically orgasmic effects. I guess the writers forgot to notice that they situated the entire movie in a house surrounded by fields and fields of waist-high snow. 'I long to see the ocean,' laments a character, clutching a tattered postcard of some tropical locale. 'I long for the credits to start rolling,' laments this moviegoer.

Doors are locked with thumb-print scanners, hybird computers (poorly ripped off from Gilliam's Brazil) and CD-ROMs comprise some of the 'futuristic' technology but for some reason people still listen to Victrolas.

This movie takes itself so seriously it is laughable. I only wish I could see it again as an episode of Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

Oh and the irony? Our regenerative specialist, the limb salesman (appropriately stupidly named Gabriel Goode), has a failing heart. Which of course is prime fodder for the all the romantic melodrama.

Steering clear of this one should be easy, as I can't imagine you'll ever see it in theaters. 1/ 10

Tonight's screening of Danny Boyle's Millions at the Toronto International Film Festival was the film's world premiere. Boyle was in attendance along with the two young stars of the film, and he introduced what obviously is a project that he feels very dear about.

Two young brothers in Manchester come across a gym bag overflowing with cash, British pounds, days before the bank of England switches over to the Euro.

Damian (Alex Etel) is a young philanthropist who spends his time learning (and daydreaming) about the saints. He believes the money, which seems to have fallen from the heavens, is a gift from God and wants to use the money to help the poor, while his older brother Anthony (Lewis McGibbon) is a hot-blooded capitalist who is already thinking of exchange rates, inflation, and the cost of property. He uses the money to buy the affection of his new classmates.

There are obvious parallels to be drawn with Boyle's first film Shallow Grave, (reviewed here) which also tells the story of a group of friends who find a mysterious surplus of cash, and the morals of what to do with it.

Millions, however, is like a feel-good retelling of Shallow Grave through the eyes of children. It's sweet without being saccharine, and it's altogether enjoyable. I was incredibly refreshed to see a movie with a situation like this not make the characters look bad for wanting to keep money that isn't theirs. This isn't a film that chastises the greedy or denounces the almighty dollar; it's one that celebrates the chance to make a difference in one's own life, and the lives of others.

I particularly enjoyed the fantasy elements in which Damian seeks advice from various saints who appear to him in visions that blur the line between imagination and spiritual visitation.

Screened in the gorgeously ornate Elgin theatre, the film garnered a standing ovation, which may only have been for the benefit the two young stars of the film, but I couldn't help but get a little emotional to see the two of them, standing beside their director and surrounded by audience members, cry at the outburst of love and applause from a room full of strangers after such a tender and affectionate movie.