sebpopcorn

I thought this would be quite entertaining but somehow they have produced a real turd of a show with absolutely nothing going for it whatsoever other than the concept.

The show is filled with very stilted radio conversations between two people putting on their best serious voices. This is the British army who, in the midst of the apocalypse, have nothing better to do than shepherd some morons through their simplistic tasks. One was literally to find a photograph of themselves pinned onto a wall. Another was to climb over two ankle height pallets.

To add to the dragging pace you've got Greg James, a presenter blessed with all the personality of a dial tone. His lame half-jokes are just shameful pap and filler. On the subject of filler there's also lots of shots of the zombies turning around, all four of them. And yet more filler! The PANTZ system is a "comical" government service message about zombies that is just tedious.

I'm amazed they could take such a potentially entertaining concept and create such a leaden uninteresting load of rubbish. This really isn't worth watching.

Here's the simple acid test to determine whether you have created a viable work of fiction or not. At the end have you told a story or have you mainly filmed people running around a warehouse? In the case of Chrysalis it's very much the latter.

The monsters don't look great and don't really do a lot either. There are some OK scenes if all you want is to see people running away from zombies through a warehouse. Myself, I would like a bit of story with that. Or even just some action. Also why the long scenes about a characters inability to read? It's not character development if it doesn't develop into anything. Or get referenced again throughout the whole movie. I was waiting for the scene where she was stood with a jar of penicillin and a jar of rat poison trying to read the labels or something.

All the actors involved are bad but the girl is so stilted and wooden that it gets annoying to listen to her. At the end of the movie no story has been told. This is basically what I would expect from a movie cobbled together by amateurs with kickstarter money. Don't waste your time and don't be fooled by the ridiculous fake reviews either.

Evan Davis flitters around the set of Dragons Den like a daddy longlegs that has run into a light. Aside from being visually annoying he only seems to be there to tell you things you just saw, are going to see or they didn't have time to show you because of him talking. If that wasn't enough filler for you he has a nice line in generalisations too like "it takes nerves of steel to face the dragons" or "all of todays entrepreneurs are hoping for an investment".

If you ever thought millions of pounds would make you instantly happy take a look at the panel. You've got nervy Deborah Meaden scowling at proceedings while a waxy Duncan Ballentine appears at times to be worked by Peter Jones by way of a lever or something. Kelly Hoppen would be a good investor to work with if you need advice on what shade of brown to paint something but beyond that her presence on the show is mystifying. She's certainly not going to spend any cash and the cameraman seems obsessed with getting shots of her nose. I also feel my lifeforce draining away every time she starts droning on about design.

I do love the show though. Seeing the nonsense people come up with is interesting but you can't help but feel sorry for the ones that have invested their life's savings in an invention that's doomed.