xuvekova

Falls flat on every level.

I fast forwarded a lot, because everything is sooo boring, stupid, cheap and absolutely ridiculously braindead - but not in a creative way, but in a really bad way.

I guess the "filmmakers" (a term I use lightly in their case) tried to shoot some atmospheric vampire tale with the old father of a remote eastern farm coming home from fighting the turkish army in, I guess, the 18 hundreds. But, he comes home a vampire!

Why?

Nobody tells you.

Ahh, and yes, in eastern Europe they also all speak French.

Why?

Don't ask.

Well the old geezer comes home as some laughable wooden puppet (literally) that looks like a skeleton but not like a vampire at all.

Why?

Don't ask.

If there was anything to ruin left in this abismal "movie" the wooden skeleton puppet did the job.

I did not know whether to laugh or to cry (because I wasted some time on that idiotic movie).

Imagine the new Nosferatu movie - but Nosferatu being played by the Kermit puppet from the muppet show!

But even that would have been not nearly as stupid as what you are (hopefully NOT) going to see in this Vourdalak garbage.

The movie is not even as bad it is good again to have a laugh about it - noooo.

If there were "moviemakers" more untalented than Ed Wood - here they come!

Welcome to Middle Earth - where they murder each other over some useless shiny rings forever!

The books have a lot of shiny names too and a lot of blabla to make everyting appear more than it is: A really idiotic, boring and unbelievable story taking place in some backwater, medieval third-world country where they constantly murder each other.

That's why the movies were just a mindless slaughter-fest where some higher, etheral beings (elves) kill a lot of dirty orcs who did not deserve better, I guess!

Orc lives matter too!

And all of that over some rings that are good for nothing.

You can stare at them for decades and mutter "shiny", "my precious" if you want but that's about it.

The dumbest books I have ever read (skipping many idiotic pages) and the dumbest movies (thank the maker for fast forward) I have ever wasted my time with.

I heard that the tv show was even worse than movies and books so I skipped the first season.

But silly me tried to watch the second season.

And, no wonder, it is even worse than the books and movies together!

It is the same idiotic universe where they live in the middle ages forever, it has the same silly people and characters in it, and an absolutely ridiculous story.

The tv show shows these really dumb people in Middle Earth all starting to kill each other over these idiotic rings you can only stare at like on some weird drug.

Apart from a really bad story, the tv series looks bad, the actors (if you can call them that) are even worse and nothing makes any sense.

When you think the movies and books are bad - you haven't seen the tv series yet!

Everything in this series is like this One Ring: shiny on the outside but rotten on the inside.