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A long time ago, in a childhood far, far away...

I remember seeing 'Buck Rogers' in the theater in 1978, back when 'Star Wars' was king of the box office, 'Battlestar Galactica' was smashing all ratings records, and science-fiction was experiencing a renaissance of sorts - it was a great time to be a kid.

'Buck Rogers' struck me as an all-right kind of guy: dashing with the ladies, quick with a punch, did a nifty spinning side kick, had a way with a laser pistol, occasionally danced a little disco.

The movie itself was a harmless piece of fluff. Even as an 11-year-old, I found it to be simple, low-key, even charming. I bought the requisite number of toys, talked about it with my friends, and enjoyed the occasional episodes (once the film left the theaters and went to the small screen) with a bowl of Cheerios in my jammies. Life was good.

Looking back now, it's pretty obviously a product of the '70s. Sure, it had chicks in spandex. Sure, it had the gravity-defying hairdos (and bosoms) of some of Hollywood's most buxom beauties - who can forget the 'Volcanic Hot-Tub Room' scene in "Planet of the Slave Girls?", or Jamie Lee Curtis in "Unchained Woman"? Sure, it had the simple, brainless plots typical of '70s television. Sure, it had the unredeemable stupidity of the 'Searcher' episodes...

But, for a time, it was the best thing going for sci-fi on television.

Remember, this is a time before Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, or Star Trek: Fill-In-The-Blank. Science fiction on television wasn't a sure bet, nor was it always a ratings winner...even with it's target audience. Which, at the time, was me.

But 'Buck Rogers' had something going for it, something none of the other sci-fi shows ('Battlestar Galactica', et al) had going for them.

Erin Gray.

Oh, yeah. Erin Gray.

Let me tell you, one of the dates that stands out in my mind the strongest is January 3, 1980 - the date that the episode "Space Vampire" premiered. The day I became a man. :)

Okay, not really...but you have to understand - Erin Gray, spandex and vampires all combined to give my 11-year-old brain (among other things) something to think about with regard to women. Since then, no woman is truly attractive to me unless she can say in a sultry voice, "I like the taste of fear best." :)

Come on, it's only television! It doesn't have to be smart to be funny, it doesn't have to be expensive-looking to be cool. Just ask David Hasselhoff if he'd be in Baywatch Heaven without a certain Trans-Am, or if Dirk Benedict would have REALLY been as interesting to watch on the A-Team if we'd never seen him battling Cylons.

Erin Gray. Spandex. Vampires.

See, it all makes sense.

'Buck Rogers' appeals on the intellectual level of an 11-year-old, and for most of us, that's saying something.

'Buck Rogers' fueled a lot of my early television viewing entertainment, folks. Watch it, and you'll see why.

Of course, it helps if you watch it from an 11-year-old point of view, but that's more than most of us can muster anyway, yes?

As a kid, my dad wasn't there for me much, and my mom was always working hard to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. Without much to do, I'd spend a lot of time drawing or reading comic books. Some of the first words I learned to read were in old issues of Action Comics.

Superhero movies have always been something of a draw for me, and most of them have been disappointments. With the exception of the first two "Superman" films, and the first "Batman", the field has been littered with the corpses of the dead...witness "Batman and Robin", and the dreadfully awful "Superman IV - The Quest for Peace". So, it was with much trepidation that I went to see "Mystery Men", a comedy that makes fun of the conventional superhero mythos of old. The most surprising thing about the film?

I actually liked it.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have no illusions that this film will be the next "Titanic", or reach the dizzying heights of popularity of "Blair Witch", or the Star Wars films. "Mystery Men" is a modest creation, one with much quiet subtlety, even among it's obvious toilet humor. I mean, hey, any movie that features Paul Reubens (Pee-Wee Herman) as a flatulent superhero with an "Eek the Cat"-lisp has GOT to be worth a look-see.

The film's weakest point is in it's story. The same old tired tale of the underdogs saving the day has been done to death, especially in our cynical age. However, "Mystery Men" does it with such loving care and aplomb that you can't help but admire it's tenacity. Sure, it's obvious and mostly crude, but that happens to be part of it's charm. The dialogue and sight gags are delivered with such simplicity and subtlety that it almost seems natural. These guys really DO act like second-rate superheroes, and we really want them to succeed. The problem is, even when they succeed, the film fails to generate much excitement. Chalk it up to the delivery, and not the the individual performances. The director and screenwriter are at fault here in not living up to our expectations of what this concept and cast are capable of.

Kudos to the cast for a job well done, applause and hurrahs to the effects and design crew, and smiles and cheers to the original creators of this concept...a bunch of guys who read too many comic books. The director and writer of the film will undoubtedly be remembered for other things, hopefully, but this film will probably be forgotten. See it to watch some of the funniest bits you will ever see in a superhero flick, but don't see it expecting to be amazed, astounded and astonished. There is none of that here. However, it IS a good waste of a Sunday afternoon.

Meanwhile, I'll go back to reading my comic books.

Okay.

I've seen the hype. I've seen the documentary on the Sci-Fi Channel. I've seen the movie. I've seen the movies that "Blair Witch" is either based on or similar to. I've seen the reviews. I've bitched about how similar it was to "The Last Broadcast".

Now, the good things and a few more bitches.

"Blair Witch" was a creepy flick. Heather Donahue did an EXCELLENT job. The lack of music score keeps you from becoming detached, and the fact it's on video leads you to fool yourself into thinking it's real (i.e. - film is fake, television is real).

It was NOT an original movie, at least, not for an indie film or a public access project. I've seen similar shows done on public access. The producers of "Blair Witch" just used what they had to make a movie that would have required a MUCH larger budget otherwise.

As a film, "Blair Witch" is adequate. The only thing in this movie that made people queasy was motion sickness. The movie starts off promisingly, moves along ploddingly, then lurches to a halt just when it's getting interesting. The ending, which is supposed to show us a hint of the terror that awaits our intrepid filmmakers, instead betrays the buildup the producers worked so hard to craft. I understand that it relates to something said earlier in the film, and that the ending is SUPPOSED to leave the fates of the characters to our imagination, but there's TOO much left to our imagination. This film has no real conclusion, no real closure or satisfaction at the end. Creepy? Maybe, maybe not. I guess it depends on how easily frightened you are. I found it to be obvious and unsatisfying.

For those of you who say that the similarity between "Blair Witch" and "The Last Broadcast", a film nearly identical in it's story and motivation, is irrelevant and pointless...think again. Most of what the critics who love this film have to say about "Blair Witch" is with regards to it's originality. "Last Broadcast", whose tone is less eerie and more of a documentary, is superior in that it doesn't treat the viewer like a child. Small wonder that "Blair Witch" is so popular with the teen crowd. Take away the claim that "Blair Witch" is an original idea, and you have a moderately scary supernatural suspense film.

Check out "Cannibal Holocaust", "The Last Broadcast", and "Man Bites Dog" to see just how "original" this movie is.

Don't get me wrong; my last post notwithstanding, I thought that "Blair Witch" was just fine...but it was NOT original, it was NOT scary, and it was NOT worth the hour-and-a-half of my time, and the eight bucks I spent to see it. If not for the hype on the Sci-Fi Channel, it would have gone straight to video.