Zalman King of Nothing

Ugly, monstrous, revolting, racist, execrable, incomprehensible, inept, incompetent, incomprehensible, incoherent, unwatchable. This show looks like '80s video porn without the sex. The audio sounds like nails on a blackboard. The actors apparently had to go slumming after California's condom law was passed. No one in this show goes unscathed. I never saw "The Room", but I knew going in "The Neighbors" was going to be bad. It is beyond bad. It is an abomination. It is a thing that should not be. This is NOT one of those inept things that is entertaining in spite of itself. It is the most unpleasant thing you will ever see. This cannot be overstated. Do not watch.

Boy, I really wanted to like this one. Every year Christmas gets shoved down your throat, and I was in the mood for a good skewering of the forced holiday cheer.

I can't quite put my finger on what's wrong, except maybe the directing wasn't crass enough. First, the upside. Billy Bob was dead-on, Tony Cox ruled, Lauren Graham was sweet and HOT and the script, though far from perfect, had plenty of low laughs. I think Zwigoff's approach might have been too refined for the material. This is one of those movies that looks more outrageous on paper than it does in execution. After all, the "plot" centered on his relationship with that loser kid and it was lame and unbelievable. You know, a Scrooge retread like John Hughes would have made in his heyday. Or maybe one of the Zucker brothers could have hit us over the head with the jokes. The kid lets him move in and no one on the block notices Billy Bob energetically shtupping the sexy bar maid in the hot tub? I'm not buying.

BTW, can we just end these movies where Billy Bob gets to nail hot chicks? As a horny guy watching for Halle Berry and Lauren Graham, I find his chest hair disturbing.

I'd give it a 7, but I was expecting an 8.5 to a 9. Maybe that's what I get for reading all the reviews.

This movie caught me unaware while I was flipping through cable channels, which is probably the best way to see it. A pleasant surprise.

Expectations were not high, but this movie really struck a nerve. Very laid-back and sweet natured. Like hanging out and goofing around with old college buddies.

It also helped that Farva looks and behaves just like a cousin of mine who is kind of a cop groupie.

P.S. More Brian Cox, please.