the duck

Not since Buster Keaton's "Seven Chances" has there been a re-telling of the life of Jesus this compelling... or this outrageous!! This Messiah is represented here in D.A.R.Y.L. (not "played" so much as "portrayed" by Barrett Oliver, who could have been the next Olivier had he bought a vowel.) After escaping from the top secret government laboratories (just like in Matthew 12.24), D.A.R.Y.L. meets a new family and friends, including Turtle (not "played" so much as "not-played" by Barrett Oliver, but by someone else) and his sister the trollop (inspired by Mary Magdalene and possibly, if the bathroom graffiti is to be believed, Simon Peter.) It is here that D.A.R.Y.L. is subject to various earthly temptations (video games, breaking windows with baseballs, piano lessons, scenes opposite Michael McKean) and is ultimately brought back to the top secret government laboratories (just like in Matthew 24.48.) and subsequently smuggled out by his new family, utilizing the "temptations" he had learned while in their presence. And thus, the story ends, yet begins again, like the waters of the Great Flood, like the parting of the Dead Sea, like Jonah and the Whale, the Circle of Life.

I think. Honestly, I don't pay much attention in church, unless they make an announcement about the availability of donuts. Circular. The Great Circle of Life.

No?

Okay.

Fred Savage and Howie Mandell light up the screen* as the Little Monsters in this 1989 film of the same name. Savage plays young Kevin Arnold, here in what appears to be the most memorable days of his wonder years, but is actually just a story being told by Peter Falk. Mandell plays French crooner Maurice Chevalier, making choices no one had yet had the guts to make (i.e. horns, leather jacket.) Together they head a revolt of kids and monsters in the monster Underworld (filmed on location in Clinton, MO.) Along the way, they grow up, fill out, and kill Mr Badmonster in the process. Heartwarming, heartcooling, heartbreaking and heartrepairing all at once.

*With the assistance of one Mr. Fresnel.

Coming from a long line of sled-dog losers (including Magnesium Will and Nitrogen Will), Iron Will is determined to become the first in his family to declare, "I did a rod!" and actually mean it. He thwarted at every turn by multiple Cold War stereotypes, but never once forgets his dream, a dream of victory, a dream of respect, a dream of himself and Jim J. Bullock as roommates in an all-girl's college in the late seventies. Can he make this dream a reality, can he outsmart Ivan von Evilstein, will he reach the finish line on time, will Jim J. Bullock have the deposit by the 15th? Not without the help of his sled dogs Mr. Peabody, Seabiscuit, Rover Dangerfield, Notacat, The Good Humor Man He Sees Everything, A Hero Ain't Nothing But a Sandwich and Pat Morita In a Dog Costume. This movie comes highly recommended, but not by me.