The Horde

The Horde is to be applauded. Applaud The Horde.

Pause for applause.

"Why is it to be applauded?!" I hear you cry, well, there are many reasons.

Mainly because 1) It is an independent film that puts practical effects above terrible CGI 2) It mixes the kind of fun, straight to video martial arts I miss from the 80s and 90s with the sort of surreal, gory and mad horror I miss from the 70s and 80s 3) It is enjoyable and doesn't take itself seriously without trying hard to be ironically so bad it's good. 4) All the "cameo" or supporting players do an amazing job chewing the scenery - especially Vernon Wells in his sequence. 5) It's lit and set designed really well.

If you had to pitch The Horde to your genre loving friends in a sentence then it would be "Rambo versus The Hills Have Eyes" or "John Matrix versus the Wrong Turn inbreds"

The Horde feels like a film made by genre film fans for genre film fans. It skirts around the edges of being knowing, having cinematic frames of reference and certainly aiming to attract a midnight crowd but not only is it apparent, from the fight set pieces to the practical special effects, that a huge amount of dedicated work and craftsmanship has been put into making it but it's also having immense fun just being an entertaining, adult, tearaway, violent, gory romp.

When I first put the film on I had no idea what I was in for. I assumed it was going to be just another zombie film, probably because of the french film of the same name. In fact, the name of the movie could've been given a little rethink, not just because it is a familiar name of other films and a computer game but also because it doesn't sit completely right, for me, with what happens in the movie (but that's a small nitpick).

Initially the film was reminiscent of some of the later entries in the Friday 13th franchise. The early slasher kill sequence, the set up of the cliché youthful characters, the purposefully weak innuendoes about sex, the improbable excuse to go into the woods in the middle of nowhere, the forced dialogue etc. Have to admit, it had me a little cautious that this was going to be a difficult movie to get through. Remember, I had no idea what the film was about or what was about to happen. I also need to indicate that if you're an 80s horror fan, you'll be no stranger to this type of dialogue.

It wasn't till we got to the Don Wilson cameo, followed by the barroom brawl, and meatheads were taking flying kicks to the face that I sat up and my mind changed.

I am a huge 80s and 90s action fan and also a huge 80s horror fan and so what happened next appealed to me greatly, especially once the night-time roller-coaster of carnage and mayhem got underway.

The main cast of the kids and the teacher are a mixture of newcomers and up and comers. They all handle themselves fine. Two of them aren't given much to do but make out and talk about making out, but that's sort of to be expected, two of them have a little more to do as they seem on the brink of a relationship but are also a little more down to earth, nervous and normal teens.

Sydney Sweeney, whose part gets considerably more challenging as the film goes on, does well with the softer, sweeter dialogue in the earlier part of the film and her small scene with Tiffany Brouwer is a stand out before everything gets dark and nasty.

I am not sure if being affectively annoying and punchable is something to be praised but Thomas Ochoa, with the equally punchable character name of Riley St. Claire, is highly successful as the spoilt, rich daddy's boy who doesn't have a kind word to say about anyone and who can't stop gassing on about all his money. It's quite timely really as he is like a skinny, young, dark haired, effeminate Donald Trump.

Rounding out the main cast is our hero, the aforementioned, Paul Logan. He wrote the film, produced it, stars in it and did the fight choreography. That's very, very impressive and I doubt the man had much sleep. Doing multiple jobs like that on a lower budget movie means long days, short nights and not much sitting down. His fighting style is watchable and accomplished. I felt it could've been served better with a different shooting style and slightly better editing but it definitely got the point across and made for some entertaining rumbles.

For those in the know, the supporting cast is a who's who of action and horror stalwarts that are having a wonderful time chewing the scenery and tearing up the screen.

The last thing to be said on The Horde, which I hinted at earlier, is just how refreshing it was to see an indie genre movie of this kind use real make-up effects, proper design, lighting and set dressing, great stunts, martial arts and so on. A lot of modern films lack that authenticity and it always makes a movie, in my view, when I can see strange, wonderful and creative ideas, designs and effects on the screen.

The movie has just about a little bit of everything. It is violent, gruesome, gory, disgusting, sexy, fun, enjoyable, weird, surreal and action packed. A B-Movie in every sense of the word. With a more dynamic director and a snappier, tighter edit this film could really be a new cult favourite. As it stands it is a valiant effort, with some highly enjoyable ideas and moments, practical effects and stunts galore. I'd watch a sequel.

No doubt the reason for a brand of whey protein a power drink are thanked in the credits to "The Horde" is because they helped keep its multi-functioning star Paul Logan -- who also wrote, produced and did fight choreography -- shredded and pumped. Logan's big biceps and lean, mean torso are the main attraction of this turkey, and a few more shirtless scenes would have been welcome. There's not much else to look at or appreciate.

Logan plays a SEAL who accompanies his fiancé, the world's worst nature photography teacher at some kind of probably for-profit rip- off college, on an "extra-credit" class camping trip. She has great advice like "try different settings" and "experiment," and inspirational pitches like "there's beauty everywhere." Her remedial students aren't terribly interested in photography and seem barely able to hold a camera -- one could be forgiven for thinking the film's title refers to them instead of the group of inbreds who kill, kidnap and torture them in the woods, until of course the muscular Logan snaps into action. The students are all either one thing -- the spoiled rich kid is just a spoiled rich kid, the horny couple is horny all the time -- or nondescript. Logan the screenwriter hasn't mastered creating characters that are remotely lifelike, even his own is one-dimensional. That's probably why they cast terrible actors -- why waste the money on good actors when you aren't giving them anything to play?

This is a combination trip-to-the-woods horror film and "Rambo"/"Missing in Action" style military action film. I guess we are too far removed from Vietnam for Logan to be re-fighting that war, so instead he picks off mutants of the horde the way Chuck Norris used to pick off Viet-Cong. Unfortunately, the mutants are about as uninteresting and uninspired as the hapless soldiers were, which is a problem for the horror-film part of the story. Costas Mandylor does a good job as the horde's opportunistic ring-leader, and Matthew Willig looks suitably imposing as his main henchman, but isn't given enough to do. Considering how much build-up there is to the fight between Logan and Willig, it is really disappointing that it didn't turn out better. Logan the fight choreographer is fine if not innovative, and Logan the actor is good at action, but director Jared Cohn doesn't have a knack for shooting action sequences in a dynamic way, at least not on this film's obviously limited budget. There is less of a sense of place (it isn't set anywhere specific) or realism than in ultra-low-budget films like "Deadly Prey" (to which this owes a debt). They are about as deep in the woods as your average company picnic, yet somehow this mass of mutants has lived there for decades unnoticed by the people of Topanga, where this was filmed, or the staff of the Burger King that is probably 10 minutes away from the location shoots.

One oddity: Don "The Dragon" Wilson, for my money the least interesting action star of the 1990s, has an entirely pointless cameo. I guess they couldn't get Norris.

Acting isn't horrendous, "storyline" is fairly basic, Sydney Sweeney is cute as hell, and the gore effects are pretty good. All in all a decent slice of splatterpunk.

I will give credit where credit is due, the set design and makeup is decent, but that's is it for the positives for this film. This movie wouldn't be enjoyed by anyone with a mental mentality over a 12 year old's. The characters are as cookie cut as they come, the snobby rich kid, the over sexed teens, and you just want them to hurry up and die faster so you don't have to cringe at their presence any longer, I don't think you were meant to side with the murderers in this movie, but that's what it makes you do. at one point I was saying to myself "they better make that douche suffer" Our hero in this movie, the ex Seal is incredibly unbelievable, due to equally bad acting and fighting choreography. Having making a thing about being "aware of your surroundings" you could sneak up on this idiot on bubble-wrap carpet while tap dancing in golf shoes.

The thing I found most infuriating about this movie is the Seal was trying to save his girlfriend and the cookie cut kids but wasted all these precious moments in the woods building elaborate booby traps, with the hopes that a single antagonist would stumble through, among the dozens, while he was playing Rambo in the woods, his main objective was being raped and murdered, it wasn't until the climax that he decided he had enough of playing Hunger Games in the woods and decided to go save his girlfriend.

The whole movie was just a sloppy, badly thought out mess, and a complete waste of time, so hopefully you will decide to not endure this film like I have.

2/10 set design and makeup is the only thing that justified not giving it a 1/10.

By that I mean that Logan has quite the ... pecs! Not sure how old he is, but that body of his ... respect to the man! And by bad Mandylor I'm obviously refering to the moral of his character as in evil. You may have heard of those two, you likely have heard of some other actors who only grace the screen for a small amount of time, like Don Wilson or Bill Moseley. Easy money I assume for them and something to recognize for the viewers who care.

The movie is not really good overall, very predictable, not the best fight choreography and all that. But it also is not the worst thing I've seen (and not just because I just finished watching cats ... that's a different story alltogether) ... not even close. Logan seems to have a signature kick move, it's been a while since I last saw a movie of his. Anyway, if you are into B-movie stuff, you might find something interesting for you. A beautiful location for example all things considered.