The Horde

MTP Murder Torture Porn type movie. Has a few redeeming one liners but wow is it otherwise stupid. Hillbillies and escaped convicts bought the cops and are cooking meth and living like Kings in the bayou or something. In comes John Rambo and his wife to be and her students and a love fest ensues.

Boring.

3/10.

I will give credit where credit is due, the set design and makeup is decent, but that's is it for the positives for this film. This movie wouldn't be enjoyed by anyone with a mental mentality over a 12 year old's. The characters are as cookie cut as they come, the snobby rich kid, the over sexed teens, and you just want them to hurry up and die faster so you don't have to cringe at their presence any longer, I don't think you were meant to side with the murderers in this movie, but that's what it makes you do. at one point I was saying to myself "they better make that douche suffer" Our hero in this movie, the ex Seal is incredibly unbelievable, due to equally bad acting and fighting choreography. Having making a thing about being "aware of your surroundings" you could sneak up on this idiot on bubble-wrap carpet while tap dancing in golf shoes.

The thing I found most infuriating about this movie is the Seal was trying to save his girlfriend and the cookie cut kids but wasted all these precious moments in the woods building elaborate booby traps, with the hopes that a single antagonist would stumble through, among the dozens, while he was playing Rambo in the woods, his main objective was being raped and murdered, it wasn't until the climax that he decided he had enough of playing Hunger Games in the woods and decided to go save his girlfriend.

The whole movie was just a sloppy, badly thought out mess, and a complete waste of time, so hopefully you will decide to not endure this film like I have.

2/10 set design and makeup is the only thing that justified not giving it a 1/10.

It appears to be the be first script that Paul Logan has written, which probably explains the excessive martial art fighting scenes involving himself and opportunities to take off his top! ha ha The horde was obviously made on a pretty small budget and considering this, I don't want to slam it too much. The movie as a whole is kind of weird mash up of Rambo, Universal Soldier and perhaps a pinch of Deliverance meets House of 1000 Corpses? As an intended horror, I don't think its particularly scary in any way but its got some good gore factor in there for you in that's your thing. The teacher to student talk about being a virgin was an obvious set up for a B movie unneeded gang rape which was pretty cringe worthy and I guess in place for the lack of frights to this movie. The story itself is pretty shaky and doesn't really develop past being in the woods and in danger. The direction of the stereotypical characters in scenes is not the best nor is the explanation for these weird people being in the woods doing what their doing in the first place. However, the whole point of this film is obviously to get to the kicking arse part of the movie where the Rambo type character of John Crenshaw gets to descend on the town, does his arse kicking and attempt to rescue his group. I would say that on a budget the SFX are actually pretty good surprisingly. It was worth a watch in short but it wont need a second viewing.

The Horde is to be applauded. Applaud The Horde.

Pause for applause.

"Why is it to be applauded?!" I hear you cry, well, there are many reasons.

Mainly because 1) It is an independent film that puts practical effects above terrible CGI 2) It mixes the kind of fun, straight to video martial arts I miss from the 80s and 90s with the sort of surreal, gory and mad horror I miss from the 70s and 80s 3) It is enjoyable and doesn't take itself seriously without trying hard to be ironically so bad it's good. 4) All the "cameo" or supporting players do an amazing job chewing the scenery - especially Vernon Wells in his sequence. 5) It's lit and set designed really well.

If you had to pitch The Horde to your genre loving friends in a sentence then it would be "Rambo versus The Hills Have Eyes" or "John Matrix versus the Wrong Turn inbreds"

The Horde feels like a film made by genre film fans for genre film fans. It skirts around the edges of being knowing, having cinematic frames of reference and certainly aiming to attract a midnight crowd but not only is it apparent, from the fight set pieces to the practical special effects, that a huge amount of dedicated work and craftsmanship has been put into making it but it's also having immense fun just being an entertaining, adult, tearaway, violent, gory romp.

When I first put the film on I had no idea what I was in for. I assumed it was going to be just another zombie film, probably because of the french film of the same name. In fact, the name of the movie could've been given a little rethink, not just because it is a familiar name of other films and a computer game but also because it doesn't sit completely right, for me, with what happens in the movie (but that's a small nitpick).

Initially the film was reminiscent of some of the later entries in the Friday 13th franchise. The early slasher kill sequence, the set up of the cliché youthful characters, the purposefully weak innuendoes about sex, the improbable excuse to go into the woods in the middle of nowhere, the forced dialogue etc. Have to admit, it had me a little cautious that this was going to be a difficult movie to get through. Remember, I had no idea what the film was about or what was about to happen. I also need to indicate that if you're an 80s horror fan, you'll be no stranger to this type of dialogue.

It wasn't till we got to the Don Wilson cameo, followed by the barroom brawl, and meatheads were taking flying kicks to the face that I sat up and my mind changed.

I am a huge 80s and 90s action fan and also a huge 80s horror fan and so what happened next appealed to me greatly, especially once the night-time roller-coaster of carnage and mayhem got underway.

The main cast of the kids and the teacher are a mixture of newcomers and up and comers. They all handle themselves fine. Two of them aren't given much to do but make out and talk about making out, but that's sort of to be expected, two of them have a little more to do as they seem on the brink of a relationship but are also a little more down to earth, nervous and normal teens.

Sydney Sweeney, whose part gets considerably more challenging as the film goes on, does well with the softer, sweeter dialogue in the earlier part of the film and her small scene with Tiffany Brouwer is a stand out before everything gets dark and nasty.

I am not sure if being affectively annoying and punchable is something to be praised but Thomas Ochoa, with the equally punchable character name of Riley St. Claire, is highly successful as the spoilt, rich daddy's boy who doesn't have a kind word to say about anyone and who can't stop gassing on about all his money. It's quite timely really as he is like a skinny, young, dark haired, effeminate Donald Trump.

Rounding out the main cast is our hero, the aforementioned, Paul Logan. He wrote the film, produced it, stars in it and did the fight choreography. That's very, very impressive and I doubt the man had much sleep. Doing multiple jobs like that on a lower budget movie means long days, short nights and not much sitting down. His fighting style is watchable and accomplished. I felt it could've been served better with a different shooting style and slightly better editing but it definitely got the point across and made for some entertaining rumbles.

For those in the know, the supporting cast is a who's who of action and horror stalwarts that are having a wonderful time chewing the scenery and tearing up the screen.

The last thing to be said on The Horde, which I hinted at earlier, is just how refreshing it was to see an indie genre movie of this kind use real make-up effects, proper design, lighting and set dressing, great stunts, martial arts and so on. A lot of modern films lack that authenticity and it always makes a movie, in my view, when I can see strange, wonderful and creative ideas, designs and effects on the screen.

The movie has just about a little bit of everything. It is violent, gruesome, gory, disgusting, sexy, fun, enjoyable, weird, surreal and action packed. A B-Movie in every sense of the word. With a more dynamic director and a snappier, tighter edit this film could really be a new cult favourite. As it stands it is a valiant effort, with some highly enjoyable ideas and moments, practical effects and stunts galore. I'd watch a sequel.

When I sat down to watch the 2016 movie "The Horde" here in 2024, I was unfamiliar with the movie. And I actually thought it was a zombie movie. Yeah, I hadn't heard about the movie prior to sitting down and watching it here for the first time.

Writer and leading actor Paul Logan put together a rather generic script. It was an odd combination of a traditional young adult in the woods type of movie mixed with elements of deranged hillbilly killers roaming the woods. Sure, it was watchable, but you're not in for anything grand or innovative here. It was, in a lack for a better term, a rather generic hillbilly slasher flick. Writer Paul Logan didn't really bring anything great to the genre, that haven't already been seen in movies such as "The Hills Have Eyes", "Wrong Turn" and the like.

The movie started out pretty nice, but then the balloon sort of deflated and you have to venture more than 30 minutes into the movie before things start to pick up.

There are some familiar faces on the cast list, in bigger and smaller roles, with the likes of Paul Logan, Costas Mandylor, Bill Moseley, Don Wilson, Sydney Sweeney and Vernon Wells. I was initially rather thrilled when I saw Bill Moseley's name on the screen, but unfortunately he only had a minor support role in the movie. The acting in the movie were fair.

Visually then the movie was okay. There were some visceral killing scenes that sort of managed to spruce up an otherwise generic and bland storyline a bit. So thumbs up for that accomplishment.

I have to say that the movie's title, "The Horde", was poorly chosen, as there was no horde in the movie. So it just made absolutely no sense. And it definitely wasn't a zombie movie, which I initially believed it was.

My rating of director Jared Cohn's 2016 movie "The Horde" lands on a five out of ten stars.