Private Princess Christmas

Retired Army officer checking in here. 29 years in one active or reserve component of either the US Air Force or US Army. I saw the promos and thought the idea had potential. The last few years before retiring from the Army, I worked with high school-level Junior ROTC cadets from a poor urban school district, and they had a lot of the same issues as the "adult" trainees in this movie regarding self-discipline. I thought this had the potential for a great storyline. Then I watched it fall flat on its face!

To use the words of General George S. Patton, "The bilious b------s who wrote that stuff... don't know anything more about {the military} than they do about f--- ing! (And yes, George C. Scott said "fornicating" in his title role in the 1970 movie PATTON, but the real Patton used the REAL F-word!)

It became painfully obvious that nobody involved with the production of this movie ever served in either the US or Canadian armed forces. All they know about military training is the same tired old cliches from watching other movies written by other bilious b------s who don't know either.

A TEN day boot camp? A Junior ROTC summer camp lasts only one or two days more than that, but every cadet attending has had at least a year of classroom instruction before that to prep them in the basics of military customs and courtesies and drill and ceremonies to optimize the use of that time. Every minute is used for a training activity from Reveille (wake-up call) to Lights Out (bedtime). You don't just lollygag and shoot the breeze and argue with the instructors. No activity is optional. Real active military basic training for raw recruits fresh off the streets takes several weeks even for those branches with the least training.

The writers have no concept of military rank structure or command relationships. The things that happened between the Princess and the Captain would never happen in that situation in real life without both of them getting dismissed from the camp and the Captain facing further disciplinary action. This review would probably be twice as long if I were masochistic enough to rewatch the movie and itemize each and every goof and flaw. Let me just say that I can't name anything they got right.

Hallmark has made more than its share of military and veteran themed movies and most of them are decent if not pretty good. I'll go so far as to say that this movie could've been salvaged or even made pretty good with a competent military technical advisor. Heck, if I had a DeLorean with a Flux Capacitor, I'd go back in time and take that job at Scale salary (or even free if allowed by law) just to keep it from becoming the train wreck it turned out to be!

I watched this because I'm a sucker for princess movies. This one was such a let-down, even for a Hallmark movie. The acting was mediocre, - and yes, I know Hallmark movies aren't know for award winning acting, but this one was bad. Derek Klena was in no way convincing as a tough guy in charge of cadets. Ali Skovbye was a little more believable, but not much. British accents (or whatever they were supposed to be) seemed fake - I don't think many of them were authentic. Erica Durance as the queen seemed too young for the role. Watch this movie if you have nothing else to watch or, if me, you just like princess movies, but be prepared - it's not Cinderella.

This movie is unbelievably bad, primarily due to the script but not helped by the acting or directing. Rather used to Hallmark movies not having the best acting, being a bit light on production quality, and not having the strongest scripts. But the script for this movie is just terrible. Cannot stress how bad it is. The concept of a bunch of spoiled brats being sent to a boot camp seems like a great opportunity for some hard knocks, moments of personal growth, and big laughs. This movie has none of that.

All of the humor consists of the same recycled jokes from other "boot camp" movies. Although other movies over the years have managed to make old jokes funny again, this movie fails every time. The moments that are supposed to be funny are recognizable, just not funny.

Hard knocks? Not here. Any attempts to "push" the brats are weak, including "the shredder", the lamest obstacle course conceivable and somehow the ultimate challenge they must overcome. This is taken even further when their proverbial "drill sergeant" is taken to task for being too hard on the bunch of whining brats, and starts to dial it back. This lack of adversity is problematic because it means that any moments of personal growth are impossible.

And yet, And yet somehow they do manage personal growth. Or at least that is what we are told as the story wraps up and the brats all start congratulating each other on how far they have come. But they haven't, at least not on screen making the whole thing a frustrating mess.

And of course there is romance, somehow. Again, the story pushes through with the expected romance, despite the princess never really changing from the awful person she started out being. Again, a terrible script that just fails in every way imaginable.

Skip this one.

3.7/10 (Do NOT Recommend)

I feel like this is the first Hallmark film in a long time that I would highly recommend NOT watching. The accents aren't bad, but the acting is extremely terrible. There's no good romance in this movie. There's no emotions in it either. Once you're exposed to the military lifestyle it's nearly impossible to turn off that mentality. Even then, if you can't turn it off, sometimes you can be forgiving, but not here. The whole "military" aspect to this film is atrocious. It's like watching kids play soldier except it's more laughable. Usually these films have some sort of underlying theme that gets you somewhat motivated, but the theme in this movie is so lame and unmotivating. I have nothing good to say about this film, and would highly recommend you NOT include it in your Hallmark Christmas countdown.

That's it for now. Thanks for taking time to read my review. Happy watching and enjoy the show!

If there was a negative rating, this movie certainly deserves it. I'll keep it succinct- terrible script,horrible acting, has no redeeming qualities. I actually watched as I think reviews deserve at least a look. Do NOT WATCH. It is pathetically awful. The writers could have done at least some research. The actor playing Ryan has a Tony nomination-which in itself is unbelievable given this performance.

The characters are all poorly written and the actors are poorly directed. The accents are embarrassing. The place names are just stupid.

I repeat: DO NOT BOTHER WATCHING. You can never have those hours back.