Jafaican

Jafaican, starring the utterly baffling choice of Peter Andre, isn't just a bad movie; it's a cinematic head-scratcher that leaves you wondering, Why? From its cringe-inducing premise to its painfully amateur execution, this film is a testament to how not to approach cultural storytelling.

The plot, if one can call it that, feels like a fever dream cobbled together from forgotten tourist brochures and a Wikipedia search of Jamaican stereotypes. The script is a jumbled mess of tired tropes and exposition dumps that fail to build any believable world or character motivations.

Visually, it is equally uninspired. What could have been an opportunity to showcase the vibrant beauty of Jamaica instead feels like a series of generic postcard shots, poorly lit and haphazardly edited.

Ultimately, the movie is a bewildering and tone-deaf exercise in filmmaking. It fails spectacularly on nearly every front, offering neither genuine entertainment nor insightful commentary. Avoid at all costs.

Apparently Peter was offered £450 to make this movie. It shows. Desperate times.

My friend wanted to see this as she likes the producer but even she was horrified at how bad it was. Peter Andre is such a bad actor and not in a comical kind of way, in a super cheesy washed up way. Not really sure what his talent is because he clearly can't sing or act.

It wasn't just Peter's bad acting though. The storyline and editing as a whole was like a child trying to make a movie. Very amateur and cheap.

Annoyed I wasted £5 to see this but hey it's only showing for a few weeks in 3 cinemas so that says it all really.

Jafakean is total garbage. If the IMBD rating system allowed me to offer a minus rating, I would have dropped one on it FAST. Enlisting the services of notorious sell out Sizzla (remember his forgettable collabos with the talentless DJ Khaled?) won't imbue this trash with any credibility. We understand that Jamaican culture is coveted across the globe and one of the fastest ways for Black non-Jamaican producers to raise funds for their projects lies with emphasising a Jamaican connection, no matter how tenuous, but this outing provides zero example of creativity, has zero credibility and worst of all? It is so TEDIOUS my teenage grandson preferred to retire to bed, rather than watch to the end. A first, he usually has to be banished to his room kicking and screaming on a weekend. Rejoice. A cure for insomnia has been discovered. A big fat Zero on EVERYONE involved in this yesterday's chip wrapping of a movie.

I appreciate that this is a very low-budget film (boy does it show), but it amazes me that a bunch of people get together in the hope that their particular cheap film, will defy the odds and become a cult or must-see movie. Occasionally it does happen, but when it does, it's because of something special, an original script, a stand out performance, decent direction, anything. This has none of those things. Every aspect of the film is bad amateur dramatics. It comes over like a very badly put together school play and like all school plays the only people who should be subject to having to sit through it are parents and relations. Seriously stay at home and wash your hair. Life is too short.

"Gazza" (Peter Andre) is in the boozer regaling his mates with a story that is so remarkable that his best mate "Johnzie" (Jamie Lomas) thinks it's going to blow their socks off. He was facing disaster with his beloved nan looking like she was about to be turfed out of her care home unless he can find £35,000! There is virtually no hope he can manage this until he discovers that he is the doppelgänger of an imprisoned Jamaican gangster who is about to inherit $3 millions. He comes up with a plan to learn the patois, don the dreads and head to the sunshine with his mentor "Winston" (Wil Johnson) to try and convince the local population that he is the true heir! Can he pull it off? Preposterous? Well, yes. It's clearly a labour of love for Andre and director Fredi Nwaka who did just about everything on this production, but the film just doesn't work. The script is weak and contrived and even though the supporting cast, especially the scene stealing "Uncle Godfrey" (Oliver Samuels) do inject some life into the film at times, the whole production is little better than amateur and misses way more than it hits. There's a lively soundtrack but that's about the height of it.