Monster Mash

So this is presented as by the Asylum, but I believe it's actually done by another firm (Acme Holdings, or something, it's not clear to me who actually made the film.) But no matter, this is something Hollywood should be doing: Making movies fun again.

Cheesy? Mountains of it.

Low budget? Only the lowest.

Amateur acting? Sort of, it's not top notice but you could tell it was a labour of love and Ramses especially was having a great deal of fun with his part. They all did really, Dracula being reserved and mysterious, the Invisible Man drawing heavy inspiration from his counterpart in the Doom Squad. The Wolfman didn't have as much screen time as I would have liked to see, but he did well with what little he had. Indeed the only naff acting was from Dr. Frankenstein, the actor playing him was kind of going through the motions, which is kind of a shame as I am given to understand he has done much better in the past.

No matter, the plot is straightforward and there is little in the way of twists and turns, but all...err...mashed together, and you a fun little film that the big production houses could learn a thing or two from.

Definitely one for the group watch.

Plot

Dracula, Werewolf, and the Invisible Man must work together to stop Dr. Frankenstein from creating an unstoppable monster.

Cast

Michael Madsen in the death throes of his career in a movie made by the same guy who gave us two awful Hansel & Gretel films and reached such pinnacles as Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark!

Verdict

Did you ever watch the mega cheesy Monster Mash The Movie from the mid 90's? Me neither though I remember seeing the trailer and thinking it looked awful. I'll put my life savings down now that movie is better than this one!

Unsurprisingly an Asylum movie, Monster Mash sees most of the classic movie monsters collide in a movie advertised as a horror but let me assure you couldn't be further from. It's like an unintentional comedy and a stupidly campy one at that.

A vampire, Dracula, Frankenstein, Frankensteins monster, wolfman, the invisible man and of course a mummy. How could this possibly be bad? Well, very easily now you ask. I mean, it's an Asylum movie the better question is surely how could it possibly be good?

The acting is hilariously poor, Madsen included as this man just doesn't try anymore and why should he? He's gone from big Hollywood mainstay to will do anything for a dollar.

The story is contrived, the execution is dreadful and I found myself simultaneously cringing and wincing at the same time throughout.

Who are these movies aimed at? Too violent for kids, too dumb for adults.

Rants

One day someone needs to sit me down and explain how The Asylum movies make money. They can't make enough off the backs of people accidentally buying their movie instead of the one they're mockbustering surely! I've seen countless and am confident they'd reach an average of the early 3.0's if I totaled them all up. Then again are they any worse than ITN, Uncorked, Scyfy themselves? Awful, awful stuff.

The Good

Well, there's a lot going on

The Bad

Dreadful acting It's all so, stupid Seeing Madsen in a film like this is unsurprising but still sad Did I mention how stupid it all is?

So bad I was laughing at myself for even watching until the end!

Like someone else mentioned it could have been great with the characters involved but the story is just all over the place and makes no sense at what some of their purpose is to assist Dracula get his daughter back and stop Frankenstein. They just seem to tag along lol! The guy who plays Dracula is probably the best thing about the movie, I feel bad that he was reduced to this role.

I literally couldn't stop laughing at how bad it was and then I just thought, well it's given me a good laugh at least.

Take it with a pinch of salt I'd say ;)

Is this a joke?

I was honestly waiting for the punchline.

Waiting for the scene that would indicate this was meant as a comedy or parody of vintage Horror films.

But it never came.

The movie contains every frickin' monster Universal could imagine jammed into one film, and not comfortably.

Poor acting, poor lighting, painfully long dialogue and...Micahel Madsen.

Oh how far you've fallen from Reservoir Dogs.

This film should be dropped into a reservoir.

Listen, I think classic Universal is some of the best celluloid ever produced.

And I understood the homage paid to the classic era of monsters.

Even the scary warnings theaters used to show before a cheesy bad monster flick.

Before...before!!...not three quarters of the way into the movie!!

This was a joke right? ...right?

Who was the audience supposed to be? The horror crowd?...it failed. The drama crowd?....nope. The comedy/parody vultures? Heck no.

Of course, it is low budget and Michael Madsen is broke but that notwithstanding this is terrible. It has not redeeming features. The acting is terrible. The script is weary. The effects are poor. The direction amateurish. The lighting and cinematography lack any kind of subtlety. It really is is first class horse you know what.

So why not give it one? Well at least they tried. Making coherent and professional movies on this budget must be difficult and almost impossible to get In cinemas.

Doesn't stop it being rubbish though.