Natale in Europa

When holiday films are so bad that they don't even work on Hallmark they apparently show up on Amazon, Roku or Freevee.

WOW! Alone, neither of these character have an ounce of compelling screen presence - together they have even less.

I'm not sure if this actress has a paralysis or really bad cosmetic surgery done on her lips but she has truly strange speech pathology.

The writing is offensively sophomoric.

The accent, real or not are cheesy as all get out.

I give them credit for not using the standard Hallmark holiday film formula, but then again, on second thought maybe they should've?

Toward the end of this lame travelogue flick comes probably my favorite lines - Marko the restaurant proprietor proclaims the main course feature on the plate as something that sounds like Uranus but he calls it Marko's spread! That pretty much says it all.

A European Christmas (2024) -

Oh the irony of them trying to make a decent Christmas film, because they had lost their touch.

Right from the start the acting was questionable. The filter on the camera was a bit poor too and some of the filming choices reminded me of 'Nigella's Christmas' (2000-17)* not a proper film. And actually some of the camera angles chopped bits of them off.

Caprice was one of the worst of the actors in her leading role of Ivy and I'm afraid that Philip Boyd as Hunter was nice to look at, but not enough to keep me watching, especially as he was such an unpleasant character at the beginning.

Even the musical soundtrack sounded like a cheap help yourself online to whatever you want collection of very generic jingly tunes.

By the time the first break came on I realised that I just couldn't use my valuable time to watch it all the way through because I had too many other films to watch and this one would never be something that I'd be turned around by.

It was a shame because I liked what they were trying to achieve in using the location of Serbia, who don't celebrate Christmas until the 7th of January. That was at least something new, but even the Serbians sounded like English speaking actors putting on a generic European accent and not well.

Unscored as Unfinished.

*Cooking Show.

This isn't just staggeringly, stultifyingly bad - even by the standards of low-budget Christmas romcoms - it's on another level entirely. Like all beloved festive classics, it stars model Caprice and Duncan from Blue and is funded by the Serbian government. Yep, you read that correctly. What's next - Paddington in Pancevo?

Huge chunks of dialog sound like they've been lifted from a Wikipedia article or written by the Serbian tourist board. Almost everyone is completely wooden - as wooden as the "golden pines" of Zlatibor, where most of the film takes place. Characters randomly enthuse about how amazing Serbia and its people are. Caprice and her love interest "Hunter" visit an ethnological museum and a knitting museum and learn about the traditions of Serbian peasants. Duncan from Blue shows up as a sexy Santa cowboy and actually gives the best performance in the movie - because he alone seems to get how ridiculous the whole thing is and just has fun with it.

Performance-wise Caprice is pretty bad, but shockingly, the guy playing her love interest (Philip Boyd) is much worse despite the fact he's a far more experienced actor. She's at least likeable and game here, but his line delivery is atrocious. She's doing her best, but he's apathetic and totally zoned out.

A metafictional touch adds another layer of strangeness to the film, but also leads to its best scene. The protagonist is a director of mass-produced low-budget Christmas movies. She comes to Serbia to track down a US expat actor who starred in one of her previous hits. But her exploitative producer plots to make a cheap Christmas film in Serbia and pay the locals a pittance. There's a thoughtful scene where the two leads discuss the importance of Christmas movies as an emotional bulwark, and how their cheesiness and safe, comforting formulaic nature is part of the reason people like them. It's a well-written scene that belongs in a smarter movie, and is unfortunately killed on-screen by the poor performances.

Avoid at all costs? No. Watch it for the curiosity value. There's so much overt product placement you'll be booking a flight to Belgrade and a room in Hotel Zlatibor before you know it. After all, who knows - if Caprice can find the man of her dreams in provincial Serbia, maybe you can too...

The start was a little cheesy but I persevered. Caprice's acting skills lack merit merit and all she did was smile inanely, from one scene to the next. The cafe scene where she photographed a family was a cringeworthy cliché. I hoped it would get better when the plot shifted to Serbia but even the scenery couldn't save it. The Ryan Reynolds lookalike brought some hope to the film because he acted naturally but it just didn't happen.

Christmas films have improved greatly since the early rom/coms with some reliable acting. I expected more from an up-to-date offering. I admit I didn't watch the full film as I became continually distracted. I watched A Miracle in Bethlehem (2011) earlier in the week and it put this film to shame.