The Disappearance of Lenka Wood

It starts off with Dexter, a special forces member who would extract information from those in Iraq he felt had info the US military needed. After leaving the army, Dexter becomes engaged to Lenka, and the two decide to spend their pre-marriage honeymoon in Turkey. They go out to dinner, and Lenka tells Dexter to follow her in a few minutes, because she is going back to their place to put on something sexy for their "alone time." He does so, only to find the place a mess and Lenka is missing. A lot of the beginning has Dexter in a police interrogation room, and there are plenty of flashbacks that show what I described. When the detective leaves, Dexter beats up three policemen, with one punch for each one. His fists must be made of dynamite. lol In fact, he sees a muscle-bound Turk on the streets and knocks him out with a single punch. Rocky's lucky he never went up against this guy. haha.

I didn't think this was as bad as the reviewer Feel-1 did, but it was nothing new. Dexter reminded me a lot of Thomas Jane, and Lenka reminded me of Naomi Watts - just in how they looked. Considering that it's low budget, the cinematography was pretty good. It clocks in at 73 minutes, and it is filled with plenty of clichés. I think it's as good as this could be with the low-budget, but it's nothing new. Parts of it were very reminiscent of "Frantic" starring Harrison Ford, and "Breakdown" with Kurt Russell, both of which were obviously better in every way.

One of the overly used clichés is that the only good-guy characters in this are Americans, and one British (?) guys. All the Turks are evil. In fact, only the lead character, his dad, and his dad's friend are the only good guys in this. That used to work in movies, but the real world is hardly as black-and-white as that. I know, this isn't reality, it's just a movie. Still, I wish movie makers would try to focus on realistic story lines if they're gonna bring realistic situations into the story.

There's very little action. A lot of the time, Dexter is spying out the area he intends to invade. I've seen worse, but I've definitely seen better. There is some nudity. A woman takes off her panties, and her butt is visible. She also takes off her bra, exposing her breasts. There was a twist at the end. I suspected it in the beginning, but as the movie went on, I doubted they'd do it. But they did it. I won't spoil anything.

I gave this a 4-star rating.

I don't think I have the words in my vocabulary to convey how terrible this movie is. Stilted, overwrought, contrived -- even these words fall short of describing the amateurish drivel that is the screenplay for The Disappearance of Lenka Wood.

Maybe it's best to let the film speak for itself. Here is an excerpt from the second act:

Army Guy: Next time, I'll cut your leg open. Then you'll have three wounds, and only two hands. You get to choose which one stays open.

Corrupt Cop: please, ill tell you where she's being kept

Army Guy: write it down for me

Corrupt Cop: I don't have a pen!

Army Guy: You can use your own blood!

If you like action, you may like this film, the hero - or is he? - is a US soldier/special agent who could give James Bond and Arnold Schwazenegger a run for their money and then some. He and his future wife decide to take their honeymoon before tying the knot, and she chooses Turkey where she is abducted while he finds himself accused of her murder.

Apart from the brutality of the police - three of whom are no match for him - Turkey sounds like a fun place to live. Even a humble barman has a palatial home, everybody speaks English, and there is a nice quiet toilet in the discotheque where you can torture and murder a police gopher, after you've drowned the barman in his swimming pool.

There is a twist in the final scene that gives the game away, this is not so much an action film as a political statement, but the long, circuitous route taken to make it beggars belief.

I begin to know who Paul Tanter is; it's a sort of British Uwe Boll, a director who gives us interesting schemes, such as this one, with a TERRIFIC twist ending, but so badly made, acted and edited. Paul Tanter is probably the worst film maker UK has ever had, but I always enjoy his films. They are enjoyable, corny but watchable, silly but surprising at moments you would never guess. This movie is very offbeat, because it points out the torture American soldiers did in Irak against, native and hostile prisoners. Do not watch it as a masterpiece but a better than expected, announced and commented grade B picture.

Yes, don't be angry with me, but I love this crap, and I recommend it. That's the way I am. Always fair and objective. I don't confound a film I like with a good movie, or a movie I dislike with a bad movie. Unlike so many folks unfortunately do.

But I admit that the best part of the film is during the last five minutes.

Very cheap produced film with some interesting parts in storytelling but the twist at the end didn't make any sense 7f you think about it a bit. Why is she lying tortured in her cell fully involved in the plan to revenge the dead of her husband? Didn't make any sense! The performances are mediocre, sometimes a bit less. A better director, a more logical script and better cast and higher production level would this make better. Lenka Wood sounds like a place where you would have to fight giant spiders in The Witcher. I'm pretty sure the number one thing a thriller movie is supposed to be is thrilling, somebody should have told the director that. Solid ending for such a bad movie though.