Panzer Chocolate

I love those 3rd or 4th Reich stories mixed with evil experiments and the occult since playing the Wolfenstein games. Therefore, I put Panzer Chocolate on my plate. First of all, the best part of the movie is the well-made poster design. As some of the few reviewers indicate, the trouble with this little B-movie flick is the timing - it takes 40 minutes of boring introduction until our heroes enter the bunker. The main problem is that all of this is redundant to the story. The way it's done fast and easy exemplifies a movie like The Cave (2005). The second part is also too slow for its own good - the last part is the only part with some redeeming quality of entertainment. What's left? The production and acting are sufficient for this kind of B-movie. Verdict: With a tighter script and some more elements of the slashing business, this could have been a solid entry. As it is, you may watch Panzer Chocolate if you are interested in that special kind of genre, and you could easily save some time by starting the movie around the 40-minute mark.

The first third of the movie consists in a very slow and poorly thought investigation about some Nazi bunker ripe with stolen arts and assorted mysteries, then we have some typical wood slasher scenes. For dessert, we get around ten minutes of inane cult ramblings. The only interesting and scary part are the last five seconds.

This movie simply sucks, it could maybe barely work for a teen audience but I'm not even sure about that.

Evil Nazis want a fourth Reich. Well, what else is new?

Not this movie. Some college professors are out to do something big, like find stolen Nazi treasure, and they meet this guy who is obviously deranged and trust him for advice.

Well, a bunch of gore and more of the "evil guys can't be killed" stuff.

Nothing fresh here. The characters are dull. One guy willingly allows others to escape while he serves as a doomed decoy, so that character might be the only interesting character in this whole movie.

It isn't high tech enough to be a "waste of resources", so it gets a pass for at least curing Insomnia.

If a horror movie that has anything to do with Nazi's with and all roles we're played by field mice. I would buy a ticket and eagerly await the start of the film. So take into consideration that 4 of my 5 stars are the result of possible subject matter the single star is an accurate assessment of the film. Five minutes it the story lost all credibility and I'm not saying this is based on anything real it's that like all movie all the characters are played but impossibly attractive people but in this one this is the literal life's work of a twenty year old who has no proof of her theory yet ten seconds after she's told your wrong everything is put into clear focus by pulling a map out and drawing a swastika. Immediately after this she is nearly run down by a car that the driver of the very loud car whispers " seig heil " and she hears it and I'm absolutely not exaggerating the whisper part. She calls a friend and within seconds not minutes she receives a phone call to set up a meeting with some reclusive expert common sense would be this would could only if the recluse knows what this is about or in-depth knowledge of what's happened which is impossible since the friend that's set up this meeting can't have more than a casual understanding of the overall subject matter she is doing her study on or actual knowledge of what she just found out which she did not tell him. So her enlightened altruistic friend comes to her home to tell her details of the meeting ask for a sexy dance as payment. He clearly values the brains of the incredibly hot "student" by asking her to strip which the clearly 21 century brain box denies the request but all is not lost when the equally hot friend of are female hero agrees the so the objectification is complete. I personally have no problem with this but every time something this occurs it seems someone has an issue but maybe that's just in the US where hypocrisy of things like this runs free so I've been told by the media to decry this when it occurs which I guess will gain me entrance in some sort of secular heaven or some one writes this down in the book for the semantics hall of fame. In closing it takes a lot to make me dislike a Nazi Horror movie and at times almost made me consider possibly thinking about turning it off but I didn't. Side note why does spell check give you no help in spell swastika or sieg heil if the reason is in some way to stop hate speech it's another thing that's done clearly because someone complained but serves no purpose other than make a small group of people think they done something great when all they have done is waste peoples time. Stop the stupid and use common sense.

Where to start... It felt like the writers saw Blair Witch, slasher flicks, Nazi exploitation movies, Willi Wonka, The Odessa File, The Boys from Brazil, Frankenstein, and The House without Frontiers (which co starred Geraldine Chaplin) and thought, "Hey lets mash all these films together and see what we get!"

What they got was a big mess!

This movie has three different stories and each story is forgotten.

The accents were bad, expect for Chaplin's. At least her accent was passable.

The villain was a walking cartoon.

The hero's of the story were uninteresting annoying little jerks.

The dialogue was awful.

Also, the only interesting character was the house maid played by Geraldine Chaplin in a small thankless role. I do hope the producers paid her a lot of money for this awful movie.

Seriously, if you want to see a mashed up movie of ideas from other movies, then this is for you!