L'eterna giovinezza

I've been asking for a new true adventure film since the last National Treasure, but I guess I just wanted it too much, and I got the curse instead of the blessing.

It looks fine, on the surface. Guy Ritchie makes an international hunt for treasure that certainly impresses visually, but in terms of content (and note that Ritchie didn't write this film, when writing is one of his true strengths as a filmmaker) it's as shallow as they come. Some rote puzzles, intermittent fist fights, and an utterly charmless gang of bystanders that follow Krasinski wherever he tells them to go. Stanley Tucci literally just shows up once, for about two minutes total, and you can almost see him just turn around to collect his paycheck at the end of his scene.

Do yourself a favor and go play the new Indiana Jones video game instead. It's so, so much better than this, and was made with true reverence for the art of adventure films.

Great cast fantastic director interesting premise and a boat load of cash and you get a mediocre movie that had so much and delivers so little.

Guy Ritchie is in my opinion one of the finest british directors of my age and he has made some great modern classics from snatch and lockstock to his lesser works like ruse de gare. I would always have said even If I didn't like the film he stayed true to his aesthetic and put his whole into his art: this I hope is the exception that proves the rule.

A mash of all the best parts of the great adventure treasure hunt films of the past from Indiana Jones to national treasure there is a bit of all the best mixed up and ruined in a obviously expensive project. The end result is heartless and dull it feels like the studio may have interfered in the production but whatever the end result just left me sad and ambivolent.

I knew for the trailer that this film was going to be a bit generic but I suppose I was hoping it wouldn't be that generic. As someone who grew up on Indiana Jones, loves Uncharted and has a soft spot for National Treasure this felt very familiar but not in a knowing way because there's nothing this movie does with the established formula that feels remotely unique. Guy Ritchie doesn't bring any of his signature energy to this movie and it's starting to feel like his tendency to put out as many films as possible over the last few years is starting to come back to bite him. Fountain of Youth just feels flat in every way and it ends up feeling like something made for streaming. John Krasinski's a badass and Natalie Portman is charming but it kind of just feels like the script is trying too hard to make them overly likeable and it actually felt a bit annoying after a while. The film starts out a quick pace but starts to drag on in the second half and the climax in particular was a bit of a slog to get through. There's a lot of talented people involved in this movie but I'm not really sure what drew them to it in the first place. It just oozes mediocrity and as someone who's a big Guy Ritchie fan I'd like to see him get a bit more selective with his projects.

If you had seen a movie and a half about adventure and old artifacts in the past, or played a similar video game, you know what this movie is about. In about 10 minutes through, you will figure it out..the plot, the bad guy etc. That is not the problem. We watch these movies time and time again for the fun ride, the amount of historical nonsense they can cram through while keeping that entertaining. Sense be damned.

What kept most of these movies fun, are the charm, the cheese, the quirks here and there, fun characters, great locations and action. Those often overlapped sense, character depth and meaning. This movie does not lack on the visuals and actions, it lacks in the former 3. I don't know. It felt too clean and devoid of pleasantries that attract you toward a popcorn adventure flick. It is just..too linear.

Perhaps they wanted to be different, or maybe they did not want to offend someone. I can't believe a Guy Ritchie movie could ever unfunny specially when it's meant to have comedic elements. Ah well, whatever the reason, it was in fact, a mistake. 6/10 for pretty people and locations.

I haven't reviewed a movie in half a decade, but I felt a warning was justified in this case. I have had to start and stop this one several times throughout my first and last viewing of this piece of dialogue garbage on Apple TV+.

I went in wanting to like this movie, I'm a huge fan of John Krasinski's work and an even bigger fan of Natalie Portman & her whole repertoire dating back to Leon: The Professional. So expectations were high coming in.

This film is just off in every way. Pacing? Weird. Dialogue? Poorly written, corny and cringe. Acting? Even though the artist have the chops to do so, the writing is so terrible that they do justice to them in a bad way. The acting is laughable from almost every character. Suspense? Predictable and rips off too many mainstream plot lines. Romance? Pathetic attempt, comes off fake. Conflict resolution? I mean, I guess maybe you could say so but the movie is so predictable and corny that you don't even realize that this might be the best part of it because everything else pales in reverse by comparison.

Do yourself a favor and don't waste your time. Huge swing and miss by Apple TV+. This would have bombed at the box office.