L'eterna giovinezza

I haven't reviewed a movie in half a decade, but I felt a warning was justified in this case. I have had to start and stop this one several times throughout my first and last viewing of this piece of dialogue garbage on Apple TV+.

I went in wanting to like this movie, I'm a huge fan of John Krasinski's work and an even bigger fan of Natalie Portman & her whole repertoire dating back to Leon: The Professional. So expectations were high coming in.

This film is just off in every way. Pacing? Weird. Dialogue? Poorly written, corny and cringe. Acting? Even though the artist have the chops to do so, the writing is so terrible that they do justice to them in a bad way. The acting is laughable from almost every character. Suspense? Predictable and rips off too many mainstream plot lines. Romance? Pathetic attempt, comes off fake. Conflict resolution? I mean, I guess maybe you could say so but the movie is so predictable and corny that you don't even realize that this might be the best part of it because everything else pales in reverse by comparison.

Do yourself a favor and don't waste your time. Huge swing and miss by Apple TV+. This would have bombed at the box office.

If you thought national treasure was lame back in the day, fear not this is way worse. This makes that movie look like citizen kane. I'm a huge fan of John Krasinski but this is very poor.

It just doesn't flow very well, quite typical for a guy Ritchie movie I find. Just jumps from one exotic location to the next without a huge amount of thought about continuity. Every other movie John Krasinski has been in. He has been a complete departure from the office but honestly in this movie he looks more like Jim than anything else he's been in mannerisms aren't acting skills wise. Been waiting awhile for this to come out so yeah, I'm disappointed.

If you had seen a movie and a half about adventure and old artifacts in the past, or played a similar video game, you know what this movie is about. In about 10 minutes through, you will figure it out..the plot, the bad guy etc. That is not the problem. We watch these movies time and time again for the fun ride, the amount of historical nonsense they can cram through while keeping that entertaining. Sense be damned.

What kept most of these movies fun, are the charm, the cheese, the quirks here and there, fun characters, great locations and action. Those often overlapped sense, character depth and meaning. This movie does not lack on the visuals and actions, it lacks in the former 3. I don't know. It felt too clean and devoid of pleasantries that attract you toward a popcorn adventure flick. It is just..too linear.

Perhaps they wanted to be different, or maybe they did not want to offend someone. I can't believe a Guy Ritchie movie could ever unfunny specially when it's meant to have comedic elements. Ah well, whatever the reason, it was in fact, a mistake. 6/10 for pretty people and locations.

Wants to be National Treasure meets mission impossible but its neither. Far fetched and lazy writing. The main characters are treasure hunters with all the money needed to anything that comes along. They are wanted by police in multiple countries but fly about on planes and travel to major tourist locations with ease and are happy to use their names while committing international crimes without a care in the world. In fact they are so care free that Natalie Portmans bring her child along for the Journey. If a character needs a chocolate banana and foam finger to solve a puzzle don't worry they will have packed one cause somehow they would have known to pack some.

The action is watchable. The locations are fantastic, but the acting and story is meh. If your bored and have a few hours to spare then stick it on. I'm just glad I didn't pay the mortgage repayment level costs of a cinema trip to see this damp squib.

Yeah, the same director of criminal dark comedies like "Lock, stock and two smoking barrels " is making pg-13 movies, trying to obscure all Indiana Jones movies and hundreds of adventures like "Meg" etc.

I don't know really. May be I'm just too old to watch same cliched films over and over again, but everything great has ended 10 years ago or even earlier. People don't need new Lara Croft, people need a rethinked concept of some NEW adventure formula. Not just "seek'n found" with chases and one-trait-characters. Guy Ritchie is perfect at crimes, perfect at mixing it with dark comedies. But his last movies are just lame attempts to grab a bite of "Umcharted"-like blockbusters.

Sorry, but no. Skip.