Until I Kill You

As a story, 'Before I Kill You' is rather depressing: a true tale of a psychopath who murdered two women, and nearly killed a third. In fact, what makes it more interesting is even more depressing: it shows us how abusers identify victims who are vulnerable and how badly those who survive can be damaged by their experience. What makes it worth watching is the excellent performance by Anna Maxwell-Martin, who plays a woman who is something of a misfit even before the murderer targets her. We're all to dramas where all sympathetic characters are cuddly and "nice"; the protagonist here is much harder to love, although of course she deserves none of what she has to go through. I hope that the real Delia Balmer has finally managed to rebuild her life, and is happy with her portrayal on screen (if it is accurate, I reckon she will be).

If you've never known a person on the spectrum as Delia obviously is, you will have a difficult time empathizing with her during her horrific ordeal.

She can be cold, abrupt, and abrasive, even to the extent of seeming to make a bad situation even worse, shutting down, shutting people out, blaming and lashing out at others.

But that is not at all who Delia truly is. Those are her defense mechanisms when it comes to dealing with the real world.

I have a dear and close relative on the spectrum just exactly like Delia. She is extraordinarily brilliant, funny, and has the most tender of hearts. However, that is not how she will come off to most people she is not close to or trusts implicitly. She is an extremely literal person and very exacting about how things should be "just so", and very direct in her speech to the point of appearing rude or blunt.

But this all a result of her disability, though I dislike that word in reference to her.

She's just different, and only those who truly know her for who she is, and genuinely love her, get to see what an enormous heart she has within, coupled with a childlike innocence that struggles to live and cope in our harsh world, even in the best of circumstances.

Were my relative ever, God forbid, to have experienced anything even remotely like the horrific ordeal Delia did, I cannot even imagine how soul shattering an affect it would have on her.

Delia managed not just to survive, but even to thrive in spite of all of she went through. That in itself was a remarkable story.

P. S. I love Shaun Evans (Endeavor), but can't say I like him playing such a baddie. Makes me sad.

Not only is this a compelling, uncomfortable drama, one almost unique in not seeking to exploit misogynistic violence for kicks, but also an indictment of a judicial system where everyone involved is clearly compromised by seeing the victim as a means to their end career-wise. The police want a conviction and the criminal is the target and the victim is merely the enabling ammunition to achieve this; a passive cipher best forgotten afterwards unless they become useful again.

The viewer is also forced to confront their expectations of a true-crime victim. Typically these are vulnerable and quite passive individuals lacking confidence and not infrequently conventionally attractive as film and television producers seek to manipulate empathy from their audiences by all means at their disposal. Delia Balmer/Anna Maxwell Martin does not bow to this convention and the syrup-free drama is all the better for presenting a victim in the round.

Agency nurse Delia Bulmer meets and falls for John Sweeney on a night out. Delia quickly falls for John, he moves in a relationship begins. It begins evident quickly that John is controlling and violent, and worse, confesses to a murder.

It's been a while since we've had a real life crime drama, the likes of Des and Pembrokeshire Murders, Until I kill you continues the remarkable standard, I wasn't aware of Delia's Incredible, but tragic story, it's fascinating.

It's very realistic, it shows John's horrendous cruelty and barbarity, and the way that poor Delia was failed by that criminal justice. It doesn't pull its punches, it shows what Delia suffered in graphic detail, appalling violence.

The production is great, I recognise so much of my birthplace Swansea, including the wonderful La Braseria restaurant in episode 3. The period detail is great, and you'll be rescuing for Spotify for the likes of The Charlatans.

The acting is remarkable, Shaun Evans and co are excellent, but Anna Maxwell Martin will surely win an award for her incredible performance as Delia, she has phenomenal talent.

9/10.

I dipped my reluctant toe in, thinking that, despite the content, this would be a poorly delivered presentation of a female's time of horrors.

So many of these programmes can turn to sentimentality or sensationalism and can make a viewer miss the point or worst still, be manipulated into anguished responses.

I was wrong, the performance from Anna Maxwell-Martin was so good, that it felt like listening to Delia. It is Delia, who kept me watching, it is Delia, who made this an exceptional programme.

Delia was hard work, even before the troubles, her intransigence in the face of what I guess she considered petty rules and conventions, does not endear her to others.

As an aside, I will add a further two comments.

The sheer frustration of watching, yet again, the keystone cops, metaphorically fumbling around in an unlit room, simply because they could not be bothered to switch the light on, was palpable.

The anger one felt at the judicial system that allows clearly vulnerable victims to be pilloried in the witness box was at a peak.

Enough said; I highly recommend the programme.