La solitudine dei non amati

A passionate relationship leads to marriage and children, and seven years later they find themselves stuck in what might just be an all-too recognisable urban family hell in the post-women's lib era, in which none of the members of the household feel they get the time, space, attention, and love they deserve and need. None more so than wife and mother of four, Maria (Helga Guren), who detests her husband's every hint of happiness and achievement in light of her own lack of such. When she lashes out at him one final time, his patience and tolerance are pushed to the brink, and he becomes cold and disinterested. First-time director Lilja Ingolfsdottir creates interpersonal drama with a depth and magnitude that even Ingmar Bergmann would be proud of. Elskling scrutinises its characters and relationships relentlessly, never allowing them (or us) the slightest respite from their own shortcomings or self-pity. There is an optimism in Ingolfsdottir's work, but it is well-hidden under the characters' defiance, insecurities, and rationalisations, and once we finally get to the much-awaited catharsis, it's not a typical movie catharsis of our protagonist changing her ways, but of her having slowly realised and come to terms with some of the mechanisms behind her problems. Elskling is a powerful, demanding and sometimes funny drama that isn't designed to make you happy, except perhaps about your own life as the credits start rolling. There are strong, stripped-down performances by the two lead actors, especially Guren.

I have rarely seen a more obvious Oscar candidate for "Best Picture". It goes straight to the heart, almost attacking the souls of anyone who has experienced a, let's say, normal romantic relationship that lasted beyond the honeymoon phase and ended in a breakup.

You could hear a pin drop in the theater from start to finish. Especially in the second half, it was intense-a psychological shaking that pulls and tugs at the audience, yet restrained and understated, which made the impact even more powerful.

Director Lilja Ingolfsdottir, who also wrote the screenplay and designed the costumes, has created the best film of the year. She has brought on Norwegian actors, relatively unknown, to deliver performances of absolute world-class caliber.

If this is what getting angry means in Norway they must be the calmest people on earth. This would count as a friendly argument where I'm from.

Not what I expected and not what the synopsis tells you.

It's about this woman's journey towards herself and her self-realization about the patterns she keeps repeating to sabotage herself.

But I don't think it translated that well, also the subtitles were bad.

Maybe it was too subtle for me, although I did get the gist. I also suspect the cultural differences played a part. Or something like that. It just didn't hit me as much as I expected it to or as much as I had hoped.

Lilja Ingolfsdottir " Elskling " is probably the most powerful and best Norwegian film I have seen since ØYENSTIKKER of Marius Holst, 23 years ago . Nothing compares. It makes every other Norwegian film work I have seen since , look amateurish, except for a very few, like " Armand " and " The worst Person in the World" . Naturally they're a few more. It's hard to make a great film . I know it personally. It's even rarer to see a filmwork that moves your heart and mind in such a way that you can't let it out of your mind for a few days . Possibly weeks. I remember watching the anti war movie of Elem Klimov "Come and See " and the way it haunted me for months. I recently rewatched " Amour "by Michael Hanneke " and was amazed again how a director is capable of brutally bring true " LIFE" on screen through his masterly work of actors and unique personal film language . Elskling has that honesty and rawness . It's has no flaws . It's brilliantly directed and executed. It moves you powerfully. Lilja Ingolfsdottir is a true mature and gifted director that brings her actors in an emotional landscape that is difficult to bring out on screen . She does it without any mistakes . All the actors bring to the screen an amazing performance . Helga Guren, Oddeir Thune and Elisabeth Sand deliver an incredible performance that hits home right through our rib cage . It rings so true like it rarely does .

This film could have easily fallen apart and drown into unnecessary pathos. Instead, it intelligently dwells into the most difficult subject that touches our lives with an honesty that is disarming. Love and relationships. Like John Cassavete, Hanneke s or Jaques Audiard , Lilja Ingolfsdottir uses a very personal film language and knowledge, to reveal the subtleties and contradictions of our emotional makeup . She reveals the complexity of our feelings in the way we communicate with each others through our ordinary lives . She never uses the easy cliches and tricks of the commercial trade that so many uses . No. Not once she takes that easy road that so many film makers take. Instead, she has an inner instinct and film ability , that only a great sensitive film director can acquire with the years. Some manage to get it at a young age like Xavier Dolan. But most film makers struggle to find their own personal voice, due partly by the demands of the commercial film industry and the producers . But often it's because they don't have a story to tell or because they aren't really yet film directors. But here in Elsking, Lilja Ingolfsdottir is backed by the talented producer Thomas Robsahm and this is essential if you are going to make a strong personal film.

It's truly a brilliant and beautiful film to watch . À hymn to love , that I hope will inspire other film makers in Norway . It demonstrate what is so often , missing in their films. Soul . Credibility. Truth. And most of all ,the daring to be personal, to be naked in front of your audience . Bravo Lilja Ingolfsdottir. And thank you for your story and courage to do it .

I shall watch it again at the cinema before it leaves the big screen.

For anyone out there who had/has a family member suffering from mental health issues, or he/she him/herself struggling with such malaise, this film certainly hits home. And it hits hard.

The "familiarity" with which it brought me all these thoughts of my mother - taking care of 4 kids, being 'entrapped' - and how I got affected by her raising me, incapable of being in touch with my emotions and having any connection, to anyone...

I cried. I cried hard, throughout this movie, for the similarities with my own life, my mother's, and my own human experience, are simply hard to ignore...

I wish by now this is less of a taboo - talking about mental state and having difficulty to cope with life in general. I left the theater a bit disoriented, wishing I could talk to someone about what I had just experienced, but failing to think of anyone I could call up...

Loneliness...

Guess this says it all. It resonated and touched me because of strictly personal reasons, but I wish everyone had the open mind and heart to watch this movie and take lessons from it - we're all different, some of us have more difficulty being in touch with their emotions, and pushing people away is not done in self-defense, it's done out of fear.