Love Rat

The 'infinite monkey theorem' suggests that a monkey hitting typewriter keys at random for an infinite amount of time would almost surely write any given text at some point, including the complete works of Shakespeare.

What people *don't* know about this theorem is that it also suggests that it would take that same monkey around only 3½ hours (including a 15-minute lunch break for a banana and a Kit Kat) to write the average 4-part drama for Channel 5.

And in the case of Love Rat, average is being kind.

It's abysmal. Whoever told Neil Morrissey he could act was a bare faced liar, as even up against the rest of this wooden cast he was particularly dreadful.

The daughter has to be one of the most unlikeable characters ever written (better luck next time, monkey) but thankfully she's not in it much. Less thankfully that means more time for the mother to waddle around Cyprus bouncing from gullible to stupid along the way.

I saw the ending coming from a mile away despite it being utterly ridiculous, and as for the final scenes - well, perhaps the monkey had had a lobotomy.

3/10

🐀🐀🐀

Totally unconvincing acting and storyline despite having some good actors in it. That is about all that needs to be said. Each episode seemed to become worse than the previous one There are no redeeming features about this series except that we only have to endure three episodes. The lead character, Sally Lindsay, lurches from one disaster to another. The crooks in Cyprus are weakly and poorly acted. The ex husband is a total loser and a waste of space, he is pathetic. The only one with any redeeming features is the police woman. I would not recommend this to anyone and I wish I had not wasted my time watching it. There is no real suspense.

Let's keep my review as simple as I can by keeping to the following pointers .. Very.wooden acting- totally implausible plot with so many holes in it like managing to hire a car in seconds. Nobody recognises the hotel owner! Sally Lindsey knows how to load a gun. Her Daughter manages to book a flight and arrive in record time. I could go on and on and what amazes me is how it makes the screen at all by managing to get past producers , cameramen and even the actors who surely must have some input by recognising the poor script or holes in the plot . Even the extras in it were thin on the ground .

Seriously you need subtitles because I could not understand a word that came from the annoying brat daughter characters mouth. It was some kind of mermaid gobbledygook squealing language. It didn't help that the daughter was also an annoying and selfish character, only interested in mummys divorce money for her salon. The story and script was so amateurish that it made the actors look bad and this can't be so because there are some well known and experienced actors in this series. Are we really to believe that chunky, matronly unfit Emma can knock guns out of fit males hands and run from them? So many holes in the story and editing that one would think a school kid wrote the script. Lazy script but I'm quite sure everyone had a great holiday abroad enjoying the sun. Watch it without rolling your eyes if you can.

OK its C5 and we expect something cheap and cheerful, but this only managed to over deliver on the cheapness.

Sally was introduced to us living in a house in the woods, which didn't seem to have any lights? Not surprisingly she went to Cyprus for some holiday sun - but her room there didn't have any lights either. The darkness followed her.

Seems like they couldn't afford a film crew...

This was a real Turkey in every single respect, Direction, Writing, Acting, Production Values, Score - they all sucked big time.

An embarrassing effort, one to avoid - or watch for laughs if you've had a few (too many) drinks.