Il signore degli elfi

Some movies defy reviews.

Think "Zardoz." Think "Myra Breckinridge." Think of any time you've said, "What the hell planet is this movie from?" That's this movie.

The gorgeous location shooting, along with the grand adventure narrative, give the impression hack filmmaking house The Asylum's goal here was to evoke a John Milius' "Conan the Barbarian"-type epic.

What turned it to gold was the decision to populate the cast almost entirely with Thai midgets. And they fight giant spiders and battle cavemen who ride flying Komodo dragons. Because yeah. And all of this takes place, the beginning of the film instructs us, in "Indonesia, 12,000 years ago."

Shoehorned into the story are some dude from "Stargate SG-1" and every-man's-Asian-girlfriend-nightmare Bai Ling, because the movie needed star power and Bai Ling probably needed the money for bail or booze.

But they don't matter, because what this movie is really about is wildly overacting, violently gesticulating little people who have been dubbed, apparently, by the same people who dubbed all those "Godzilla" movies in the 1960s.

Folks, they're WONDERFUL. They chew through the scenery, barking their lines and flailing their arms like Ewok Shatners.

They turned what might have been an above-average adventure offering from The Asylum, like "Princess of Mars," into an astounding Munchkinland/Lord-of-the-Rings/tiny-chicks-in-the-box-from-"Mothra" mashup.

It's pure movie crystal meth. You know it's poison. You know it's rotting your brain. But you just can't resist it.

And despite the cavemen's obvious joke-store fang teeth, despite the second most poorly rendered digital woolly rhinoceros ever put on screen (the first being, of course, Zach Galifianakis), despite your wanting Bai Ling to just stop yapping and take her clothes off (she does neither), you'll watch it again. Then you'll rent it again. Then you'll buy the DVD. Then you'll start selling "Clash of the Empires" DVDs just to support your viewing habit.

This is your brain. This is your brain on overacting Thai midgets. Any questions?

A low budget, multi-cultural, fantasy B-movie epic! Not for most audiences, but I enjoyed it... worth watching for Chris Judge fans. It needs to be seen to be believed!!! Totally family friendly by the way...

This film needs to be seen to be believed, its's not easy to describe. It stars Thai little people (as in midgets, dwarfs, little people, etc.), along with Chris Judge (Stargate SG-1) and Bai Ling (The Gene Generation). The Thai cast is completely dubbed over in English. This fact alone makes this unwatchable to most (HENCE THE HORRIBLE REVIEWS!!), but if you are okay with dubbing (like me!) then you might enjoy this heartfelt, family friendly action/fantasy film. The CGI is surprisingly good(!), the lizard/dragon/dinosaur beasts look great, along with the spider beasties and assorted monsters that attack the heroes...

This film is hard to describe, but it is family friendly and full of fantasy action! It is dubbed over, so most will find it laughable, but those that are okay with dubbing (like children for example!) might actually enjoy this film...

the story line is there ,some of the acting was good but the directing and the writing was some the worst I have ever seen. who writes this stuff.you take a hand full of good actors and make them look like clowns.when i know they are better then that.i understand people have to make a living but before you destroy peoples careers learn how to write you hacks

I hate to give such bad score for a film, but this is the typical idea that is better in a book. Each of the variables (Actors, effects, script, music, makeup, time, equipment, etc...) can transform the movie into a catastrophe (pretty much what's happen). I'm not saying that all aspects of this movie are awful, but in comparison with a international movie's standard... I could not give less. That is why I"m sorry, I try to understand all the good work and the good things that the movie have as well, but still seams an idea way too ambitious for what they have in hands. I like all kinds of movies, and I know that is too easy criticize a work that is already done. but seriously, there is a lot of things in the movie that are stupid and unnecessary.

(2012) Clash of the Empires HISTORICAL ACTION FICTION

In order for China and Rome to make peace with one another, Rome would have to send in their prince, in this case, it's Marcus (Gavin Stenhouse) to marry one of China's princesses named, Princess Meng Li Hua (Jing Lusi). The Roman army also needed the assistance of a Malaysian warrior named Merong (Stephen Rahman Hughes), who also has a score to settle with an evil Malaysian wizard, as well as a radical Malaysian army group, intent to sabotage the whole peace process altogether, between China and Rome. And they do this by kidnapping the princess. The demographic audience for this movie sometimes seems like it's intended for kids, while there are other times it's intended for adults. I guess, it's for adults during the times when they're subtitles that needed to be read, with the silly comedy bits intended for kids. Then there's the CGI, which looks totally fake, as well as the fight scenes which I have to say sometimes look phony- at times looked like that it was made for TV which surprisingly is not. 1/2 a star.