American Conjuring

I fell for the title of the movie, even with its blatant cash in on the recent successful "The Conjuring" movies. But hey, it is a horror movie, so I still decided to give it a go.

And I did, and I managed to survive perhaps a whole 20 minutes or so into the ordeal that was "American Conjuring" before I just threw the towel in the ring and gave up, getting up and left to watch something else. Actually, not just me, but my wife did the same.

I can't really give a proper synopsis of the storyline in the movie, because the movie wasn't really in gear or had gotten to any milestones by the time I gave up.

What made me give up was the lack of a compelling storyline. There just was nothing that captured me and kept me in the seat. The was nothing scary anywhere in the 20 minutes that I endured. And the acting wasn't really a factor that worked in favor of the movie either, just added fuel to the reason for why I gave up.

I haven't the faintest of clues what directors Dan Walton and Dan Zachary set out to accomplish with "American Conjuring", nor can I claim to have any further interest in finding out. But thumbs up for actually managing to make a movie nonetheless.

I have no intentions of returning to finish "American Conjuring", not even if I got paid to do so. Once a movie fails to impress and captivate me, then the race is over, so to speak. I am sure that there are someone, somewhere out there that would find some kind of enjoyment in "American Conjuring", it just wasn't me...

Only 20 mins in and I'm ready to gouge my eyes out, shove pens in my ears, and then slit my wrists and throat. Ok so the last part was stretching it... Wow, where to begin. Might as well start with the acting, because it's like the singer's voice in a band, it'l make or break it. Yeah this acting shattered it. Just awful...I mean... do they audition these people? Do they just say, "Who's willing to work for free?" K everyone who raised their hand, you're hired! There's a little 3 min news story at the beginning of the movie laying out the history and bad things that happened. Best and only good part of the movie. Laid out a descent horror story. Boy did it fail to measure up. Ok so, I'm gonna finish suffering through this so none of y'all who are smart enough to read reviews before watching movies, can be spared the torture this movie spews out. I'll come back at the end to update and finish this review.

Comparing the overacting of the adults to the sheer underacting of the children only adds to this hilariously badly made movie. It looks like it was made by students in iMovie and it isn't even trying to hide it. The scary things that happen in the movie are almost tiny one off details. When photos are included, they are stock photos making the movie look cheap and without a budget. It also looks as if a dark filter has been added to it, as if trying to appear scarier than it is.

This movie knows nothing of real dialogue and suspense, and exists in a state of sheer confusion and random events happening in random order.

Giving it a 1 because it doesn't have an option 0.

This film was originally called Bind but then they decided to do some marketing scam in conjunction with the Conjuring films. They figured it needed it and they were right. This is one awful movie so if they don't get you buying it by mistake, chances are you won't.

A family moves into a house that used to be an orphanage at one time. Tragic events took place making even more tragic events take place and so on. The film has a few things moving on its own but the crux of the hauntings are more of the spirit taking over someone's body to make them kill. The acting was so bad in this and the ending was one of the worst I've seen in a long time. Avoid this one.