Blast Vegas

I love disaster movies, they're one of my favourite forms of light entertainment. They are full of improbable probabilities about the future of our planet; that at their best, make us take note and think, what if(?) At their worst, they usually make you laugh, even though it's unintentional.

So when I read that the writer, Meyer Shwarzstein with screenwriters Joe D'Ambrosia and Tom Teves had added a fantasy element I thought I'd give it a go...

The mistake was mine. My imagination had already given life to the synopsis... The film falls woefully short in every way.

Firstly, the acting was so awful I was wishing the cast would die off quicker. Even Frankie Muniz, who has proved he can act was terrible. The only decent actor in the whole film was Barry Bostwick who does a great job of portraying a constant gin drinking, wash-up, slightly sleazy, lounge piano player. It's because of Bostwick the film got the rating it did from me.

Secondly, the director handles the story material ludicrously. There is no way anybody is going to believe any of this modern fantasy tale. I know it's meant to be lighthearted and comedic but it even misses here. There are too many holes and continuity errors that are glaringly obvious, as well as some impossible situations. These are evident in other disaster films, though in this movie they are less forgivable because of how the story is handled. The pace and flow are so muddled it gives the movie a disjointed feel.

Thirdly, the special effects, are way below average. Though most movies of this ilk are low-budget the effects are usually well created and carried out to maximise the power and atmosphere of destruction. However, in this film they are so unrealistic my attention was actually broken, as I shook my head in disgust.

The writers and directors of this film should have watched Sharknado and others of a similar vein; then they would've had some idea on how to handle the subject material.

I couldn't in all good conscience recommend this film to anyone. Though if you find yourself kidnapped by Jigsaw and forced to watch this movie then you can take some solace in the fact that at least Barry Bostwick may keep you from going insane...

There has definitely been worse movies on the SyFy Channel, and Blast Vegas- or Destruction: Las Vegas- is one of those movies that you should try to watch without expecting too much or take it for what it is. Unfortunately even when trying to do that, Blast Vegas came off as a real mess. Barry Bostwick is okay and at least he tries to have some fun, and the attack in the underground parking does have some excitement and tension. The rest of the acting is very bad though, Joe Dante and John Landis are wasted in literally irrelevant cameo appearances and Frankie Muniz's lead performance is both uncharismatic and charmless. With the characters they are so cardboard and poorly developed you cannot root for any of them and some even do things that are infuriatingly ridiculous. The dialogue has no spark either, it's either very bland, it's very shallow-sounding throughout, or too reliant on the silliness, and sadly the silliness is not fresh or witty enough to be effective. The story has one good scene amongst the numerous but soulless action sequences, dull pacing, disaster scenes that lack any kind tension or sense of danger(not helped by that the characters show no signs of being genuinely concerned about what's happening) and dramatic scenes that are frankly predictable and ham-fisted. The movie is not cheaply made- well apart from the special effects which look hurried and poorly textured- but shows no sense of style, and the direction is similarly characterless. The music plays too much of a dirge and isn't memorable enough in the slightest, at no point either does it do anything to enhance what's happening. In conclusion, has a couple of redeeming merits but a very. very bad movie that is really bland with no character, energy or soul. 2/10 for Bostwick and one good sequence. Bethany Cox

I did not recognize any of the actors.

A sword, owned by Thutmose III from Egypt, finds its way to Las Vegas. A party group locates it and sticks it in the sand. Just like the Arthurian legend only the true warrior can extract it. In the meantime, its curse launches a headache in Las Vegas. Can this be corrected in time, or will we be subject to lions, tigers, and bears "oh my?" Watch and see.

One of the better disaster movies. If there's a cliché out there that it forgot to include that was an accident. They miss their opportunity to change olives and olive oil.

The actual filming location is Indio, California, USA.

This movie is as bad as a summer in Indonesia, without air/con. Watching it injured my soul: ultra-bad comes to mind. It is similar in smell to old sneakers, soaked in a swamp and stuffed into Icelandic shark cheese. Life is not fair and this movie proves it. The CGI made me hate computers as a rule, despite a career utilizing them for pure purpose. Luckily, this film was commercially supported and there were some delightful adverts during the break. I've enjoyed many holidays in Las Vegas ( none of which involved the mixed-metaphors written herein) and can say safely that no great English/Egyptian sword threatens a visitor: on the contrary; beware of gonorrhea and of crabs.

Released to TV in 2013 and directed by Jack Perez, "Blast Vegas" (aka "Destruction: Las Vegas") concerns a group of college guys vacationing in Las Vegas, three of whom steal an ancient Egyptian sword from an exhibit and unwittingly unleash a colossal sand storm with other magical things, like a huge sand cobra.

I generally like TV-budgeted MOTW (Monster of the Week) movies. "Gargoyles" from 1972 is Exhibit A. "Blast Vegas" has a great setting and an interesting MOTW, albeit ludicrous. With a setting like Vegas you'd expect a lot of comely females and the movie delivers to a degree, particularly in the first act. Most of the settings involve the group of protagonists traveling in the basements from one big casino to another (trying to stay away from the storm outside). It's reminiscent of the group in "The Poseidon Adventure" where they traveled through the unseen innards of the vessel. In regards to the gargantuan sand storm and peripheral menaces, like a deadly cobra and an escaped tiger, the producers could only do so much with a TV budget. All things considered, the CGI storm looks fine, as does the cobra, but the tiger looks too fake. Yet this is somewhat expected in a flick of this ilk.

Beyond the setting and MOTW, it's the story, characters, suspense and subtext (mindfood) where a movie like this stands or falls. The plot's good but the group of protagonists needed something. Frankie Muniz works surprisingly well as the unlikely hero, as does Barry Bostwick as his amusing supposed-mentor, a Vegas lounge lizard. The females, however, are weak, except for Maggie Castle as the non-hero's potential frumpy babe. The cast desperately needed someone like Cerina Vincent in "Sasquatch Mountain" (2006), Erin Karpluk in "Wyvern" (2009), Cindy Busby in "Behemoth" (2011) or Rebekah Kochan in "Flu Bird Horror" (2008).

As for suspense, it was okay. One sequence in particular was effective, the one involving Steven Schub as a working class thug, resentful of the "rich kids" who vacationed in Vegas. But suspense is created as much by the rising tensions between group members as the threat of the MOTW and this is the movie's weak point. The same with the subtext, which amounts to (A.) don't fool with ancient Egyptian magic (rolling my eyes) and (B.) even a likable "runt" can get the right babe if he plays his cards right. The second is good stuff, but it's not meaty enough to sustain a movie. As such, despite the numerous exciting things going on, "Blast Vegas" is curiously boring and isn't worth mentioning in the same breath as those four Syfy flicks noted above (take that as you will). However, it's still worth catching if any of the aforementioned positives trip your trigger.

The film runs 86 minutes and was shot in Indio, California (and, presumably, Las Vegas, at least establishing shots).

GRADE: C/C- (4.5/10)