Alien War - L'invasione della Luna

I am a filmmaker and try to be as objective as possible. Understanding that many films have limitations, I try to see beyond the finances and look for other qualities such as performance, story, direction, and execution.

Well, I looked for nearly an hour and found myself, after the first 3 minutes, wishing that a piece of the space shuttle would re-enter the atmosphere, crash through my roof, and hit me in the head.

The most exciting moment of this viewing experience was when I finally decided to hit the stop button on my DVD player. The folks that made this fiasco should seriously consider Truckmasters or barber college.

Stranded is a movie. I'll give you that. A good one? Far from it. A medium one? Still not quit there. A C+ at its best because really, what the heck was the point of it? 4 people in space, with uber technology (except, the cars are still normal and other stuff that they couldn't "upgrade") with no power for light (the entire movie), with a dialogue that will make you weep at times, and with those very quite intelligent "hey, it really happened!!"; "Neah, it must be all in your head. Even tho what you say makes perfect sense regarding the surroundings, we can't believe you because the script doesn't allow us to".

So you have to watch something perfectly predictable, non captivating whatsoever, not original, not even trying to be something. What is the point? Why make a movie like this? It won't help anyone's career let's face it, and most of you out there, the lucky ones, won't get to see it, won't even ever find out it exists. Lucky bastards...

In 1986, the movie Aliens appears, a future like none would ever imagine, effects made brilliantly that still stand tall after almost 30 years! In 2013 they make Stranded, and you can't help to wonder, how is this even possible? Any of it?

Don't watch Stranded, you'll just waste time that you'll want back. So many other films out there.

Try Cargo, a German movie. Try Pandorum. Try Fortress. Just try something else!

Cheers!

I know, that's not exactly the most exciting beginning when reviewing a film, but that honestly just about sums it up.

It's not that it's really horrible or anything; the acting is all right and they are definitely trying their best. And, it IS nice to see Christian Slater in SOMETHING! Man, I sure miss that guy. I was watching 'THE NAME OF THE ROSE' the other day and he was SO frigg'n excellent in it. I REALLY miss seeing him in more quality films...

Anyway, the outside shots of the moon base and equipment are nice; the film is clearly VERY low budget, but they create a moderately decent suspenseful atmosphere. There just isn't a heck of a lot to the story, really; basically a monster on the loose kind of thing.

So, I can't get wildly excited about the movie, but if you are in the mood for a simple, low-budget Moon Monster Movie and if you like Christian Slater, you might really enjoy it...

A tale of some characters, who were totally undeveloped so nobody cares about them, running around a darkened moon base so you can't see the lack of budget. And that's about it really. Lots of shouting and worrying about this and that, but you couldn't care less about any of it. Could go into detail but, you know what, I can't bring myself to waste more time on this. I have a general rule that I'll switch off after 10 minutes if it's this bad (life's too short), but I stupidly abandoned this because I couldn't believe it was so poor. It didn't get better, just more of the same running around shouting. All I can say is that I suffered this so you don't have to. Amazed that this movie had received 3.4 on IMDb.

Instead of telling you about the story which you by now already have a grasp of, I will instead focus on how unceremoniously bad this movie is.

1) Being a scifi you expect either a cool story or some nice visuals. This has got neither. It keeps telling us it's made on a shoestring budget, and I'll admit that some parts were actually nice looking - but all the good parts are ruined by blatantly stupid props and(see 2)

2)Contrived plot twists. OMFG. I was sitting there watching with my mind's mouth open - not sure that the movie unfolding in front of me was for real. It is like watching a train wreck albeit less mass deathy. It will only give you eye cancer and brain rot. I could not turn away though because this movie is played straight - it takes itself DEAD serious, no humour. I SAID NO!

3) The characters in the movie are supremely stupid and that just blows away all suspension of disbelief because face it - there is no chance in Hell that those people would be astronauts, technicians and doctors. No one would employ them and give them the responsibilities they have, much less send them to space and pay them. No, really - it's just sad.

4) Actually I just have to reiterate nr 3). THE CHARACTERS are so stupid it's insulting to my feces' ability to render art before it's flushed.

I could do a deeper analysis, but I doubt there is any need.

When all is said and done - I was entertained in a very weird way. This is in the same category of bad as "Suing the Devil", but not as enjoyably amusing.

/basement dweller