Chupacabra vs. the Alamo

RELEASED TO TV IN 2013 and directed by Terry Ingram, the curiously titled "Chupacabra vs. the Alamo" details events in the San Antonio, TX, area when DEA agents (Erik Estrada, Julia Benson & Vanesa Tomasino) team-up with Hispanic outlaws in order to wipeout packs of rabid chupacabras. Jorge Vargas plays the estranged gang-oriented son of the head DEA agent (Estrada).

'Chupacabra' is a Spanish word, which literally means "goat-sucker" (from chupar "to suck" and cabra "goat"). There are two varieties of the cryptozoological beast: (1.) a reptile-like creature with leathery/scaly greenish-gray skin and sharp spines or quills running down its back; and (2.) a hairless form of canine with a pronounced spinal ridge and prominent eye sockets, fangs, and claws. This movie features the second version.

This is basically Hispanic TV horror with CGI chupacabras getting wiped out en masse. The movie starts serious, but becomes increasingly humorous as it moves along, particularly the second half. The first half is more engaging due to the human interest, which segues into the dynamic, but less interesting second half where there's an explosive (Surprise!) showdown at the Alamo.

Estrada is in perfect shape at 63 years-of-age during filming (looking almost 20 years younger) and is stalwart as the hero. Benson is reminiscent of Sean Young when she was younger and has a marvel-inducing face & full head of brunette hair, but she needs to gain like 15-20 lbs. Nicole Muñoz & Anja Savcic as the Estrada character's daughter and her bestie are cute. Tomasino is adorable in her own unique way as well.

THE MOVIE RUNS 88 minutes and was shot in San Antonio, Texas. WRITERS: Peter Sullivan & Jeffrey Schenck.

GRADE: B-/C+

Chupacabra vs. the Alamo (2013)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Gory fun from SyFy has a cop (Erik Estrada) trying to deal with the two-year anniversary of his wife's death while at the same time having troubles with his teenage daughter. To make matters worse a gang of chupacabras are eating up the locals and the cop must gather up a group of gangsters (led by his own son) to try and take on the creatures at the site mentioned in the title. CHUPACABRA VS. THE ALAMO is a pretty silly movie but I'm sure that's what most people expect when they tune into SyFy on Saturday nights. I must admit that this film really kept me entertained throughout most of the running time, although there are certainly some flaws remaining. One big flaw is the constant melodrama dealing with the father's relationship with his children. The widowed father and troubled kids is a cliché taking over these SyFy movies and it really needs to stop as it takes away from what people are turning into see. The CGI monsters here aren't nearly as bad as we've come to expect from the station but there's still no question that they're far from being scary. The actual look of the monsters are pretty good and thankfully they didn't turn them into Godzilla sized creatures, which is what usually happens. Another plus is that if you're looking for gore then you're going to find a lot of it here. There's all sorts of guts and blood flowing throughout and this includes some TV-pushing stuff including one poor guy who decides to go pee at the wrong time. Estrada is the former star thrown into the spotlight this time out. I actually thought he was quite fun here and of course we get some nods to his CHIPS role including him riding a motorcycle throughout the picture. I also enjoyed both Nicole Munoz and Julia Benson in their supporting roles. CHUPACABRA VS. THE ALAMO isn't meant to be taken serious and thankfully the filmmakers didn't take it too serious. The film is light entertainment that's going to appeal to fans of "B" movies and those who like gore.

Chupacabra vs The Alamo Directed by Terry Ingram. Written by Peter Sullivan and Jeffrey Schenck

This is it. We made it. We made it through all seven movies of the Chupacabra Festival. It took some rearranging when two of the movies were lost at sea. It took some booze and some burritos and jerky to get through them all. It even took a refresher documentary to remember what the Chupacabra actually was. I'm here and ready for the final movie, the one I specifically saved for the very end. Erik Estrada decked out in full leather riding his trademarked motorcycle against a pack of Chupacabras. I'm ready.

This movie starts out promisingly with a brutal attack and the chupacabra is fairly small like the reports described. I was pretty excited at this point. It didn't matter that it was originally broadcast on television. Chupacabra Terror was also a Sci Fi channel original. I was pumped and gearing up for some genuine chupacabra action. Then the movie fell flat on its face even with the low expectations that these movies engender.

The chupacabras are a pack of very sick but super strong dogs. They eat people very easily. They are also a million of them and nobody seems to believe the motorcycle cop. These things are everywhere and wreaking all kinds of havoc. They put some effort into it. Not a bunch mind you. The green screen bike riding was a chuckle fest worthy of the Sci-Fi channel original movies. The action scenes are naturally a jumbled mess. It was obvious that they didn't have the money to give this premise the full treatment.

Tons and tons of b roll shot separately of San Antonio skyline, Riverwalk and of course the Alamo but it was obviously not shot at the same time as this production or even with the same camera. This is to be expected with these kinds of movies. The title is definitely misleading because the Alamo is just a building. Unlike Airplane vs Volcano, there is no special situation where the title is able to make sense. It takes the story of the Alamo and the last stand of Davy Crockett and his ilk and transplants it onto this story of Erik Estrada and compatriots against the CGI chupacabra dogs. They brandish their guns and their can do attitude against these monsters.

This is the movie you absolutely think it will be based on the description and the title alone. It is designed not to be taken even remotely seriously. It lives on meta jokes and ridiculous situations and tropes. It handles these things in a rather sloppy manner. It is funny in moments because the movie clearly does not care one iota about being a traditionally good movie. It is there to bust balls and create some joy. It does that but it becomes too much for too long after a while. There is only so much laughter I gleam from intentionally bad films. What is the chupacabra anyway?

I give this film a D.

Good old Erik still does a semi-cohesive and usually believable performance (as he always has), along with a pretty decent cast. However the motorcycle driving sequences against the fake backgrounds were horribly bogus and right out of the 40's. Should have skipped those images altogether.Flashbacks to CHIPS are unneeded and Erik is more believable in a rugged Jeep than a bike. Budget concerns aside, the director needs to be horse whipped. The creature was well done and looks just what I imagine a Chupacabra would look like, if there is such a thing. Erik isn't reaching for the stars here, but this vehicle keeps him visible as a prominent B Actor who carries significant gravitas as a TV actor working in B Movies.

I wasn't really asking for much when it came to this movie, but I was thinking that it could provide a little bit of a laugh but unfortunately it didn't.

Now Syfy films aren't really known for their good cgi and that often creates half the joy of watching them but these chupacabra creatures is possibly the worst creatures they've created.

They look like they were part of a Windows 95 game and look like zombie chihuahua's but made out of plastic or something, and since they are so small it's hard to take them seriously as a real threat and where as a dinosaur can bite a head off a human these buggers can't do all that much but bite gruesomely into the humans.

And that's not really all that fun to watch tbh, and about 20% of the movie or so is Erik Estrada and the gang sneaking around quietly looking for chupacabras who are conveniently all hanging out at the same spots all the time.

Also includes a lot of really poor green-screen shots of Erik Estrada pretending to ride a motorcycle when in actuality it just stood still in front of a green screen and they attached him on the bike to moving backgrounds.

Now this might sound fun to some, and it shoulda been in retrospect but somehow it managed not to be.

Acting is surprisingly bad all around, even from Estrada and yeah the creatures are really dull as the main bad guys and overall a very uninspired piece of work from all aspects.