- Megan: This is what I deserve, it's penance.
- Alec: Wow, that is officially the worst review my oatmeal has ever received.
- Megan: It's what I get for slutting it up.
- Alec: Um, so you really think God made this blizzard punish to you for being slutty?
- Megan: No, I don't think God did it. That's ridiculous. I think my grandmother did, and I just don't know how.
- Alec: Right, that makes sense. Well, I would prefer not to spend the next twenty four hours in an uncomfortable silence with you, so why don't we just pretend that we never had sex? It didn't happen. And then we can pretend that it's just the weather and not your passive-aggressive magical grandmother.
- Megan: No, that's like trying to get the toothpaste back into the tube - you can't do it. It is out there. I have seen your penis. You've implied I'm a slut. Those are big things.
- Alec: Did you just call my penis big?
- Megan: Uh, no, no, I did not. I called the implication of your penis big.
- Alec: Well, it's still nice to hear.
- [while going down on a pleasantly satisfied Megan]
- Alec: Japanese alphabet... thank you Rosetta Stone.
- Alec: She can do that? She can refuse my bail, are you serious? Okay, uh, look, I just need to talk to her.
- Police Clerk: You can only visit during visiting hours, and if and only if the person wants to see you, which I'm going to guess she doesn't being that she'd rather be locked in jail than see your face.
- Alec: Wow... rude.
- Megan: [Alec put's on the song "Anything, Anything" by Dramarama on his record player] You should turn this off.
- Alec: You don't like this song?
- Megan: Oh no, I love this song. It's gonna wanna make me wanna dance.
- Alec: Yes you should.
- Megan: No.
- Alec: Yes.
- Megan: Trust me.
- Alec: Oh, are you like a bad dancer?
- Megan: Oh, no. No, no, no. I am an epic dancer, but you see... see if you see me dance, you'll follow me around like a little puppy dog and it'll be embarrassing for us both. So you have to stay here. For your own safety, trust me on that one.
- Megan: This is a serious pattern, I am regressing. Last year I was in college and I was Chris's fiancee and I drank wine in restaurants. And now I am at home all day in my underwear, and I'm nobody's nothing and I can't even get into a bar. What is happening to me? I am going backwards! I am Benjamin Button-ing!
- Faiza: He moved on, so what, so can you. I say take a cab home, get on that dating site, pick a cute guy. No drinks, no dinner, just a hook-up.
- Megan: You can't order it. It's not Edible Arrangements!
- Faiza: Uh, yeah, you can. You have tits and the internet.
- Faiza: Cedric's friend is having this birthday thing at this bar.
- Megan: So then you're not cooking dinner?
- Megan: No...
- [Faiza presses her two fingers against Megan's forehead]
- Megan: Yeah.
- Faiza: Do you wanna come?
- Megan: Well that kind of depends on the cake situation.
- Faiza: Well, the birthday boy is single. And he's not the brightest but he's pretty, so he's perfect for a one-night stand.
- Megan: I don't know. Do you think I'm ready?
- Faiza: Who cares? I'm ready for you to be ready. I mean seriously, how long has it been? Aren't you horny?
- Megan: [Megan is trying to walk carefully around the overflowing toilet] It's cold and gross.
- [Megan lifts up the toilet seat to see the water is overflowing so she tries to turn the valve]
- Megan: It just keeps coming.
- Alec: Hey, you gotta turn the knob!
- Megan: No, I mean the punishments from the universe. It's a flood, it's practically biblical. Where the fuck is your plunger?
- Alec: It should be right next to the, um... aw, shit, I let my buddy borrow my plunger, dammit! That's why you never let your friends borrow plungers.
- Megan: There's like a thousand reasons.
- Megan: [while playing ping pong] So earlier you asked what I did for a living and I kinda got a little feisty.
- Alec: You, feisty? Can't picture it.
- Megan: Well, the answer is... I am less-then-employed at the moment. I don't do anything. See, last year I was able to say, "I'm a premed student, " which sounds kind of impressive, right? Uh, but then I graduated and I'm not allowed to say it anymore.
- Alec: Um... I think your profile said premed student.
- Megan: Yeah, no, I just haven't changed it yet.
- Alec: But didn't you make the profile like two days ago? That's weird.
- Megan: What is this, like an interrogation?
- Alec: You got something to hide?
- Megan: No, I just... I think I'm just in that limbo phase. It's not like your degree has instructions on it.
- Megan: [Alec is playing one-person ping pong and it is annoying Megan who is working on a labtop] Do you... possibly have headphones?
- [Alec stops]
- Megan: Thank you.
- Alec: Um, Megan?
- Megan: Uh, what happened?
- Alec: Uh, what happened, you happened. What is that?
- [they see toilet water is running under the door]
- Megan: God!
- [puts down the laptop]
- Megan: Ahh!
- Alec: Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it.
- Megan: No, no, no, no, you just- you step away, you are not cleaning that up. You will just hold it over my head, go... to... your... room! I can handle this.