Chastity Bites

It's not very often a film takes you by surprise without resorting to clichés and wasted potential when there's so much or little to follow. Most films these days that attempt to pay homage by 'spoofing' or other forms of respect aren't always executed properly. But in this case, Chastity Bites attempts something different at its best but still has some hiccups that prevents it from being the most ingenious out of the many creations that either feels rehashed or incomplete.

The story follows a writer named Leah that becomes suspicious of a newly profound abstinence educator that schemes an army of virgins to please her vicious desires to collect blood to contain her youth. Of course convincing the entire school would be harder than assassinating an immortal masked murderer, but this doesn't seem like a heavy situation as Leah decides to take matters into her own hands to save her companion in time before she too is slaughtered like other unfortunate victims in their prime.

The film is assembled with a cast that does all of their parts well but also suffers from having some that feel either very unused or simply there to suffer their demise. If we spent more time with some of the characters and the film had taken a darker turn where it felt less like an outdated sitcom, perhaps it would have succeeded more where other films with a similar premise didn't. However, complete credibility for effort to everyone and what it tried is surely due and this film can still be considerably an enjoyable presentation if you can extract the lack of tension and some goofy elements that some may find very distracting.

For that, let's enjoy this cup of virgin blood that tastes a little like water for what it's worth and not less of what it could have been.

John V. Knowles' "Chastity Bites" is a horror comedy that takes the classic 80's idea of fun-time slasher delights. Then mixes that with a fascination for vintage, supernatural idolatry, and upbeat, comedy-camp satire. The film stars Allison Scagliotti, Francia Raisa, Louise Griffiths, Eddy Rioseco, Amy Okuda, Jennifer Gimenez.. "Chastity Bites" is Knowles' directorial debut and my only thought is "why in the h*ll did it take this long?!". The style, feel, and look of the film is that of a seasoned director whose work is effortlessly executed.

"Chastity Bites" follows a group of high school students both frienemies and foes, challenged with the typical social hurdles and proclivities, facing a darker sinister force out to build them up just to tear them down-Lady Bathory. Liz Bathor is on an unholy mission to see that the young ladies of the local high school stay pure and chaste. It is a clever story that is energetic, quick witted and funny. The humor is both straight forward cheese ball humor blended with the darker satirical cultural quips that aren't as "surface". It is one of the few films that I have seen in a long while that fully completes the story arch fully with the same intensity and conviction from start to finish.

The acting is something that pleasantly surprised me, going into the film I was expecting some fumbling by the actors on the dialog and character interaction and elements meant to create a relatable foundation between the actor and audience. At times it seems those fears were to be met but in almost every scene the cast manages to keep the comedic timing without falling flat, and for the depth of dialog, pop culture referencing and repartee this film carries, it isn't an easy feat for Indie films to pull off. "Chastity Bites" is a modern classic that gives good 80's homage without coming off as cheap or forced.

The special effects and soundtrack are timeless and entertaining. The effects remind me of classic 80's horror techniques that never fade, offering good, visual kill scenes, with very minimal CGI. The fact that the film stays closer to the darker side the horror comedy than "spoof" films helps make "Chastity Bites" a film that will be enjoyable time and time again. Plus you can't get a better character than Elizabeth Bathory when dealing with virginity and eternal youth while poking fun at social obsessions and cultural hypocrisies. The soundtrack, both musical and sound effects, create a fun, energy that never holds the film back or feels out of step with Knowles intentions. I really enjoyed this film and think all horror/comedy fans and slasher fans alike should check it out!

Poor Allison Scagliotti, she can actually act and gets handed a horrible script like that. Still, she made the film watchable, if not for the fact that she brought her A-Game to it, then just because she's simply dripping in fun, watchable, charisma.

Unfortunately, that's not enough to save it. Most all the other actors were as flat as Illinois.

What should have been a fun cliche movie was just hampered by a bad cast, horrible political diatribes that were supposed to be character development but just came across as extremely dated after only 6 years, and jokes that either didn't land because of the delivery or simply weren't funny to begin with.

But...if you are an Allison Scagliotti fan, it's worth the watch if for no reason than to pray that she lands better roles.

When their school is invaded by a foreign woman, a student and her friend uncover the true meaning of her push for chastity in the local population when she turns out to be an immortal bloodsucker intending to use the students in a special, diabolic ceremony.

This is actually quite a profound and problematic entry that seems to have a lot going for it both ways. One of the biggest issues against it is the fact that there's just no end to the rather lame comedy that runs through this, since it tends to think that the humor derives from the social about-face many of the women portray themselves to be, being in a club intended to push virginity and chasteness among the local kids but being the biggest sluts on campus when no one's looking, and that humor tends to get old very quickly since it's not a funny joke to begin with. That it thinks otherwise means that the large majority of time here is spent doing this without offering a lot of humor on other topics while the film's other topic of concern, how her rampant bloodlust is mistaken for the eccentricities of European society is nowhere near original or clever and makes them out to be even more clueless than they really need to be. It all makes for rather enjoyable teen-comedy tropes that work well with the influx of the burgeoning horror found in the true identity angle that slowly works its way into the later half, but that doesn't mean the rest of the time is all that enjoyable. It's only when it starts being a little more serious with the house raid to uncover the secret ceremony does it all work out in the end with a strong assault that includes numerous encounters with her protectors and the final battle itself, which does make for a rather enjoyable enough time even if there's a lot of problems with it.

Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language and continuous sexual topics.

Yeah, you read that heading correctly, one of the main leads has ink penned flower pedals drawn on her pimples on her face. Not just one either, but all over like toppings on a pizza. Wtf... This is just another bad cookie cutter character really just pushing political BS down your throat easily forgotten really just wish had never been made garbage movie. Skip it.