- Alfred Hitchcock: There was a young man from Nantucket / Who had such a large cock he could suck it. / He looked in the glass / And saw his own arse / And broke his neck trying to fuck it.
- [Alfred Hitchcock pours a glass of wine for Tippi Hedren, just after he has first met her]
- Alfred Hitchcock: This is a very fine Californian pinot noir. It's called the heartbreak grape. Do you know why? Of all the grapes used to make wine, these are the most fragile. It has a very thin skin, prone to disease, mould, every kind of rot and virus known to the vintner's art. So growing pinot noir is a bit like making a movie - heartbreak guaranteed.
- [title quote]: Blondes make the best victims. They're like virgin snow that shows up the bloody footprints. - Alfred Hitchcock
- [Hitchcock recites a limerick to Tippi Hedren]
- Alfred Hitchcock: There was a young lady of Trent / Who said she knew what it meant / When he asked her to dine / Private room, lots of wine / She knew, oh she knew - but she went!
- [Tippi raises her wineglass as a toast]
- Tippi Hedren: Heartbreak guaranteed.
- Alfred Hitchcock: A worried young man from Stamboul / Discovered red spots on his tool. / Said the doctor, a cynic, / Get out of my clinic! / Just wipe off that lipstick, you fool.
- [Evan Hunter, writer of the screenplay for The Birds, disagrees with Hitchcock about the casting of Tippi Hedren]
- Evan Hunter: A seven-year contract?
- Alfred Hitchcock: Her inexperience is an asset. She has nothing to un-learn. Also she's unattached so she won't get pregnant. I do *hate* it when actresses get pregnant.
- Evan Hunter: I thought you were kidding.
- Alfred Hitchcock: [grimly] As is well-known, I have no sense of humor whatsoever.
- Alfred Hitchcock: There was a young girl from Sofia / Who succumbed to her lover's desire. / She said it's a sin, / But now that it's in / Could you shove it a few inches higher?