Monster Shark Attack

Honestly what are these other clowns on? 6 and 7 stars? This movie is one of if not the worst I have watched.

Terrible story line, woeful cgi, my ass could of acted scenes better and so many mistakes.

They should start paying people to watch this. If this was my movie and I had just watched the final cut, I would have slit my wrists, gouged my eyes out and then destroyed all evidence that the movie ever existed while I waited to bleed out.

I thought this movie may be so bad it would be funny, I was wrong it is just really, really bad.

I want the last hour and a half of my life back.

And let me tell you.... I busted a gut on this one. I mean I expected bad, but there really isn't a word that adequately describes the level of bad this movie broached upon. Like Ninth circle of hell bad. Like Killer Clowns from Outer Space was an Oscar Winner bad. Like .... never mind. I need another good laugh, so I have Sand shark next on my DVR to laugh through. Whoever wrote this film should be drawn and quartered and forced to sign an agreement that swears they will never write again. B rated? Thats a compliment undeserved. Who in their right mind paid to produce that film? Is there a way to negotiate your contract to NOT include this in your credits list? I know if it were me, I'd certainly explore that option.

A wild 2 headed Sharpedo appeared. It used pixelate. It's not very effective ...

Suddenly, after about one minute, a vicious two-headed shark shows its teeth and consumes two innocent babes as if they were his hors d'oeuvre. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for 90 minutes of the most preposterous nonsense ever recorded on film.

In fact there is not even much to say about total failure number twenty thousand of 'The Asylum'. Really stiff dialogues, lousy acting, miserable directing, hopeless CGI, SFX and the typical, but equally desperate storyline. However, this time there are no scientists or special agents involved. The shark is only confronted with a boat of voluptuous and muscular students, who, of course, parade happily with their breasts and biceps, but ultimately only let the vocal cords work.

It can be said that the shark is essentially a young, healthy man, with an immaculate interest in the female sex, even though he presents himself at times as a juvenile peeper. But, generally it doesn't take long before he comes trotting with a whopper of an opening line, and starts courting the giggling girls. A lasting relationship, however, is not an option.

We know by now that our friends from 'The Asylum' aren't very pragmatic in approach, but of all the plot holes there is only one that I can not fathom. If that shark has two heads, then why didn't Carmen Electra have four breasts? Food for thought.

When I watch a total crapfest like this, it makes me wonder how the brilliant Battlestar Galactica ever aired, especially on this Lowest Common Denominator channel. Anyone else remember when this was a GOOD channel? When they showed 50's classic, SF Pilot Playhouse, etc? Now it pummels the audience with garbage like this, filled with has beens and never were's, edits out the softcore nudity and sex (for the DVD's and Europe I imagine). Anyone remember when a B movie was worth seeing? This absolute turd sandwich of a movie featured horrible effects, worse acting and a dumb story that had really nothing going for it. I know, I know, I didn't have to watch it. I know that. But it's like being hypnotized. One wants to look away, but we can't. WE CAN'T. I'd say this, avoid at all costs, unless you want to save money on a sleeping pill. It's simply that horrible.

I'm curious as to who bank rolls movies like this? I get it, its not suppose to be a 'serious' movie; really the name of the movie says it all, however.... you've got to make the storyline at least a bit believable or at least entertaining. This movie fits in the same class as Piranha 3D and Shark Night. However i'd rather watch either of those over again before watching this movie. The acting is terrible, and if this is the platform Brooke Hogan plans on launching her acting career... I suggest she slap on some spandex and hop in the WWE ring instead. And what about poor Carmen Electra? Clearly she's needing some cash or at the least some exposure in front of the camera because her suntan scene (no nudity) was ridiculous...