U.F.O.

I have never written a review of a film before.....but this film was so bad it should carry a government health warning! It was neither funny or scary, the special effects were of 70s standard and the acting was that wooden that Pinocchio would have been been the stand out actor.

I would say that I didn't want to spoil the end by revealing it but it did that very nicely itself...

The highlights were the girls in the movies who were easy on the eye but the dialogue and the acting was of level worse than I have witnessed or wish to do again....JCD whatever you were paid to appear in this movie..it wasn't enough.

A cameraman who couldn't point straight it was like a very bad home movie...... AVOID! AVOID.......AND JUST TO BE CLEAR ....AVOID!

Starring the offspring of iconic actors and boasting an appealing poster and a decent trailer, my expectations for the low budget British movie U.F.O. (not to be confused with the long forgotten Roy Chubby Brown vehicle from 1993) were high.

Two Seans, Brosnan (who looks and sounds quite a bit like his father Pierce) and Pertwee (son of Jon), share the screen with one of Jean- Claude Van Damme offspring and several unknowns, plus there are spaceships and fight scenes. Sounds like a real feast for exploitation movie fans. I was excited and I guess a feeling of disappointment was inevitable.

The problem is all in the execution. Sharing more in common with the all mouth and no trousers sci-fi "mockbusters" made by prolific schlock peddlers The Asylum than Gareth Edwards' similar but superior MONSTERS (2010), Dominic Burns' film makes all the wrong moves.

The problems are clear right from the start. A string of scenes that fail to engage and just go on for ages. The opening credits run over a long sequence in a nightclub which is interminable. Scene after scene is overlong (including a gratuitous sex scene) and too often the film is stylistically indulgent. The camera swings and sways and pans round and round but it doesn't make the scenes anymore interesting. There are also irritating insert shots that attempt to foreshadow the terrible things to come.

As tedious as it is ambitious, U.F.O. is as unimaginative as its title. Extremely derivative (there's a sense of déjà vu about each scene – right up to the closing moments), it takes forever to get going but then can't quite decide on a direction.

This is one of those films about a bunch of ordinary people who find themselves amid extraordinary circumstances. In this case the chaos of an alien invasion. But even after a huge spaceships appears, a lot of the film just involves spending time with an unappealing ensemble of characters talking about the situation and other things and not actually doing anything interesting. The focus is often on the crumbling of society rather than the aggressive actions of aliens but it's not involving.

When the characters do take some action and the director throws some physical conflict into the mix it all gets confusing rather than exciting. Martial artist Joey Ansah appears in a small role and fans won't be surprised that he gets to have a pretty cool fight scene, but when it happens it seems like things have shifted gears too quickly. The context for the fight is not well established so it's hard to care about what's happening. It's more confusing than exciting.

Sean Brosnan is the film's lead and fares pretty well as he's essentially still unknown. Sean Pertwee on the other hand has a number of good roles in high profile films behind him, so to see him essentially reprising his crazy act from the doomed TALOS THE MUMMY (Russell Mulcahy, 1998) in a couple of short scenes in a film this poor is somewhat depressing. Perhaps more so than when we see what Van Damme is asked to contribute.

This film's major selling point is that extended cameo from Van Damme. Something spoiled not only by the post and credits, but by a quick, out of context shot of the star moments into the film. Other shots follow periodically until his character actually joins the others late in the film.

Van Damme's appearance in this film is very curious, but alongside numerous direct-to-DVD movies the star has made supporting appearances in a number of films in various countries. He's been in Turkish, French and recently Russian films (none of which have been released in the UK yet). His glamorous daughter has her first big role as the nominal lead actress and I guess she or the producers convinced him it would be a fun opportunity for the two to work together.

Bianca Bree is usually only seen in very minor roles in her father's films (along with her brother who usually gets more screen time) but here the roles are reversed. This is indeed a novel facet to U.F.O. that fans will enjoy, especially in the final act when Bree finally gets something to do and we get to see Van Damme for more than a fraction of a second, but that in itself is not enough to make the film fun and to be recommended. Fans who endured DRAGON EYES (John Hyams, 2012) may want to avoid this as it's not much better.

The final issue I had with the film is that it didn't quite know how to end. There are several twists, each taken from other films, and one final turn of the screw and then it's all over. Which is a relief.

I made the unfortunate mistake of reading the reviews here before watching the blu-ray I got in the $8 bin. I watched in horror as everything the negative reviewers pointed out was revealed as the ugly truth. The film(?) is so bad it actually deserves a rating of half a star, which sadly doesn't exist on this site's rating system. I understand completely now why the reviewers were beside themselves trying to squeeze out adjectives and metaphors for how bad this piece of cinematic garbage truly is. Spoilers...how can you spoil something that is already rotten? I would rather have spent that $8 on a fast food meal that gave me food poisoning...at least it would have given me some nourishment before my bowel movement. Yes, it is truly THAT bad. I could care less about the $8 I wasted because the worst of it is I will never be able to purge it from my subconscious mind and will have to bear the memory of it till I die.

Dont waste your time, no history, no Sense. Theo real note like - 10

Admittedly I wasn't expecting a huge amount, but seeing as the idea was intriguing and had the ingredients for a fun movie if done right I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt. While U.F.O is not the worst movie I've ever seen or one of them, it is one of the absolute worst I've seen this year. If you are wondering whether it is as bad as people are saying, in my mind yes it really is that bad. The whole movie looks as though it was made and edited in a rush, like a matter of days, it is dully lit, the editing is haphazard and unsteady to the point you feel nauseous and the effects look as though the makers had exceeded the time constraint and had to bring forward what they'd managed to do regardless of what they looked like. The music is so overbearing to the point I got a bad headache watching and listening to it, for somebody who has epilepsy it wasn't a good feeling. The dialogue is utter gibberish, it tries to come across as more intelligent than it actually is, almost like an attempted Shakespearean-like grandeur, but it is so stilted to the point it was difficult to get your head round what you were hearing, some of it even sounded improvised on the spot. The story is derivative and dull with nothing suspenseful, involving or thrilling, there's a lot of overlong filler that has little to no point or meaning and it tries to be too many things all at once and delivers it all in awkwardly done tone-shifts. The dramatic "poignant" moments were so mawkish that it'll make anyone want to vomit, some of it would be at home in a badly written soap-opera. You don't care for any of the stereotypical and underdeveloped characters, I usually try to restrain having violent thoughts against movie characters but I admit that I came THIS close to wanting to strangle Carrie. The acting is terrible too, Sean Brosnan lacks charisma and struggles with a character that has been done to death(much better too) and is often senseless, Bianca Bree is supremely irritating and Jean Claude Van Damme is pretty much wasted. Overall, in every sense U.F.O was a terrible movie and one that is best avoided. 1/10 Bethany Cox