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To save the insolvent Kirke, vice chancellor Jonty orders the faculty to churn out hit books, while bursar Jason inadvertently overpays the staff.

An extended version of the pilot episode introduces us to Jonty De Wolfe,weird ,cross-dressing vice-chancellor of red brick Kirke University. Kirke is strapped for cash and matters are not helped when dizzy administrative assistant Nicole accidentally causes finance officer Jason Armitage to pay the staff twice. De Wolfe tries blackmailing students and claiming the cash went on the commission of a statue to make up the shortfall. However the fact that unassuming Maths lecturer Imogen Moffat has written the best-selling book 'The Joy of Zero' brings welcome benefits to Kirke and De Wolfe hopes to repeat the success by forcing Matt Beer,self-professed love machine of the English department, to write another best seller. Sadly Matt has no creative talents but he does eventually learn how to steal Imogen's thought processes.

Ordered to make deep cuts, Jonty decides to fire a quarter of the staff, and amid the ensuing panic, Nicole scrambles to boost her shaky credentials.

Jonty has his hands full when a hot Canadian restructuring expert arrives on campus, while Nicole and Imogen try to make sense of their love lives.

Hoping she'll go easy on Kirke, Matt agrees to seduce frosty consultant George, and Imogen, suddenly jealous, pursues a most unlikely love interest.

Following his afternoon delight with George Matt buys an ice cream and is surprised to find the vendor is De Wolfe. Matt is not pleased with himself as he has discovered that he has feelings for Imogen,who seems to feel the same way and does her best to avoid the love-sick Flat-Pack. Jason,despite having got engaged,also cannot fight his feelings for Nicole,sniffing her seat and getting suspicious over her continuing Maths lessons with Imogen - as she had once professed to being a lesbian. George charges De Vere with finding news stories or local artefacts to help save Kirke but a dog who talks like Ray Winstone,John Milton's alleged scrotum and DevEre's own range of perfumes do not impress her.

Several months have passed and De Vere, fearing George's negative report on her findings,kidnaps an Oriental Maths child prodigy in the hopes of saving Kirke. Nicole and Jason get it together at last and become a couple but Matt is finding it hard to maintain a heartless persona as he learns that Imogen is going on holiday with Flat-Pack and ends up brawling in the canteen with him. Kirke is saved when it is discovered that George is pregnant by Matt - very unprofessional - and so she is persuaded to give Kirke a glowing report and be rewarded by a job there. Everybody celebrates with a rendition of 'Eternal Flame.'