- Doug Jones: What is it that you'd like to confess?
- Frankie Mermaid: Ah, geez, I guess we could cover the last... four days? I stole candy from this baby, then I threw the baby in the river - so it couldn't snitch, obviously - then, ah, well, I pimp bitches, do drugs, sell drugs, murder people - really, you name it, I've done it, padre.
- Doug Jones: I don't believe you. Dinosaurs never existed, and even if they did, I don't transform into one.
- Doug Jones: Father Stewart, what if I told you that I was different?
- Father Stewart: You're not that different, Doug. There are plenty of men like that in the church.
- Doug Jones: I might be on a mission from God himself!
- Father Stewart: That's insane, Doug! God does not want people dead!
- Doug Jones: Oh, I think God wants a lot of people dead.
- Frankie Mermaid: Yo, Cherry! If you stuffed dicks in your mouth like you're doing that sandwich, I'd be a fuckin' millionaire by now!
- Carol: Last night was... amazing.
- Doug Jones: Oh. Oh, I see. Let me be fair and say this can never happen again.
- Carol: So it was just a one-time thing?
- Doug Jones: Yes, honestly it never should have happened at all.
- Carol: That's for sure.
- Doug Jones: Oh. Was it bad?
- Carol: It was... weird.
- Doug Jones: Oh.
- Carol: Honestly, it all happened so quickly. I was very scared, I think I even peed myself.
- Doug Jones: Oh. Was it your first time too?
- Carol: Yeah.
- Doug Jones: As I said, I'm a priest, so we can never say...
- Carol: What, what are you talking about?
- Doug Jones: What are *you* talking about?
- Carol: That time you turned into a dinosaur and ate someone.
- Doug Jones: Wait - what? What?
- Carol: You think I like turning tricks to pay for college? There's surprisingly little demand for hooker-doctor-lawyers.