If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

A24 returns to the territory it masters with remarkable skill-the intimate, atmospheric, and emotionally potent cinema that first made me fall in love with the studio. And it does so with a captivating proposal.

The story is immersive, contemplative, and intense. The carefully crafted script manages to weave together everyday aspects of life, such as motherhood, work responsibilities, and family dynamics, without losing coherence. Mary Bronstein demonstrates a prodigious touch in directing, seamlessly connecting seemingly unrelated elements through parallels, metaphors, and dialogue.

Rose Byrne is the central pillar of the performance, carrying the full dramatic weight of the film. Her presence sustains the work almost entirely, delivering an emotional intensity rarely seen on screen. A performance worthy of recognition and any possible nomination.

The visual aspect naturally stands out. The cinematography, with its meticulous use of color and narrative style, reinforces the story and enhances the psychological depth, delivering introspective and emotional precision.

'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You' is exhausting and gripping. Without a doubt, it's an experience no cinephile should miss.

"If I Had Legs I'd Kick You" hits brutally hard if you grow up in a dysfunctional family, live with a silent chronic illness, or know the desperation of needing help that simply never arrives.

You keep moving through life with a weight that grinds you down piece by piece-slowly and in a degrading, invisible way.

It lives inside you, eating you alive, yet you're still expected to be the strong one for everyone else: listening, supporting, holding them together while you feel hollowed out, with anxiety as your only loyal companion.

It's a condition almost impossible to grasp unless you've lived it for a prolonged time, and "If I Had Legs I'd Kick You" captures it-right from its brilliantly subtle title-with astonishing accuracy.

It transforms the everyday workings of a collapsing mind into something both magnificently rendered and deeply unsettling, precisely because it feels so real.

Director Mary Bronstein, through an exceptional, skin-stripping performance from Rose Byrne as Linda, takes us on one of the most extreme and agonising cinematic journeys of the year.

The official plot tells us Linda is juggling her daughter's mysterious illness, an absent husband, a missing person, and a therapist who grows increasingly hostile.

But that description reduces something far more complex-and, honestly, difficult for me to summarise. These plot points aren't the story; they're pressure points, mirrors an internal psychological collapse that feels both intimate and volcanic.

The film hit me in a way very few do, it dredged up every burden I'm currently dragging behind me.

It resonated so deeply I found myself wishing someone were there to understand it with me, to hold my hand through it.

Its deliberate emotional architecture left me feeling its stress, exhaustion, empathy fatigue, and the kind of claustrophobic panic you simply can't ignore.

Bronstein leans heavily on stark, wordless close-ups that make even the smallest daily task feel crushing. The sound design turns Linda's anxiety into something almost physical-an unseen creature pacing just behind her.

Life isn't a fairytale. We're expected to keep functioning, keep producing, keep smiling, and never fail-but that relentlessness fractures the mind. Sanity becomes something you defend with tooth and nail.

Showing up at work, pretending everything is fine, performing normality: these become barricades you're desperate to vault over.

And you do eventually break, because this world isn't gentle-and even kindness is often misread as a threat. Take the motel neighbour James (A$AP Rocky), whose well-meaning attempts to connect only intensify Linda's unraveling.

Linda's environment reflects the stigma around mental illness-the inadequacy of institutions, the exhaustion of those meant to help-embodied perfectly by her unnamed therapist (a brilliant Conan O'Brien), whose detachment borders on cruel.

"If I Had Legs I'd Kick You" is a draining experience. I absolutely recommend it, but as someone who lives with many of the symptoms and emotional states depicted, I'd urge viewers to approach with care.

This film is an emotional rollercoaster-and it doesn't offer safety bars.

Stunning and deeply disturbing in the best way-Rose Byrne gives a career-best performance as Linda, a therapist/mother whose life collapses under her daughter's illness and endless pressure. You feel every ounce of her frustration, exhaustion, and rage; the way she lashes out at everyone (husband, doctors, even her own therapist) is painfully real. Beautifully made, psychologically intense, and so raw it almost hurts to watch. Only downsides: the dream-vs-reality blur can be confusing, and it's definitely not for everyone-mostly hits home for women (or people close to women) who've felt this kind of overwhelming burden. Still, an easy 9/10 for me.

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You is one of those 2025 psychological suspense films that tries so hard to be profound that it ends up dull instead of daring. It's not a terrible movie - the filmmaking is competent, the performances are solid - but it's the kind of project that mistakes ambiguity for depth and leaves audiences more detached than intrigued.

The story centers entirely on one woman's perspective, and while following her journey should have created intimacy and intensity, it instead becomes monotonous. We rarely see anyone else, which strips the story of dimension and tension. It's a one-character show that forgets how important interaction and pacing are in sustaining suspense. The idea that her mental health might be unraveling is an interesting setup, but the film never commits to whether she's truly unstable or simply misunderstood - it dances around the theme without ever landing a real emotional punch.

Where the movie really loses itself is in its attempt to be "artistic." The endless dreamlike sequences, floating orbs, fragmented flashbacks, and surreal imagery feel more like distractions than layers of meaning. These stylistic flourishes could've been powerful if they connected thematically, but instead they come off as arbitrary. It's as if the director wanted to prove this was a thinking person's thriller without providing anything to actually think about.

The script doesn't do the story any favors either. The dialogue feels sparse and disconnected, and the pacing drags under the weight of its own self-importance. The film wants to make a statement about perception and reality, but it never gives the viewer enough clarity or tension to invest in that concept. What should've been a gripping character study ends up as an exercise in endurance.

Rose Byrne gives a strong performance - grounded, layered, and quietly expressive. She's the reason this movie stays even remotely watchable. Christian Slater, meanwhile, does what he can with a strangely underwritten role that barely fits into the story. Everyone else fades into the background, as if they're just there to fill empty space rather than contribute to the narrative. It's one of those films where the casting feels off - like the puzzle pieces were close to fitting, but not quite right.

By the end, If I Had Legs I'd Kick You leaves you with more questions than satisfaction, and not in the good, thought-provoking way. It's a creative effort with good intentions, but it collapses under the weight of its own ambition. The concept could've been great, the execution is decent, but the experience is ultimately bland. It's fine for a one-time watch, but there's nothing here worth revisiting.

I need to start a list of all the films that have cemented the fact I will never have children. 'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You' would go somewhere near the top. This movie was nightmare fuel.

This is one of those rare movies where there's no real plot or story, and yet you're still captivated by every moment. You need to know what will happen next. And it feels like anything could happen next, which is great feeling.

The final sequence was an interesting one and something I had to do some reading about to fully get my head around. I liked it but it wasn't quite the knockout blow I was hoping the movie would end with.

This is exactly the kind of movie where a Q&A with the director afterwards at Fantastic Fest would be a treat. To get their first hand interpretations on what certain things meant would be priceless.

Overall though I really enjoyed 'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You'. It was unique and it gives you a lot to think about. Throw in some great performances and you have a pretty engrossing couple of hours. 7/10.