- Betty: There was a time in my life when it was just a joy to wake up every morning and run to the mirror.
- Mr. Hightower: You food truck people think you're so cool. You're not. I can get ice cream at the grocery store.
- Jillian: If I peed on your couch, I would pay someone to come in and steal all of your furniture. I would rather burn down your whole apartment building than tell you... "Hey, Nancy, I peed on your couch last night."
- Tex: I think you'll find people will do a lot of things for you. If you ever just want to put down the beer bottle and let them.
- Wally: I am going to wait on a customer with no pants on. Tell me that isn't the coolest thing ever.