Assassin's Bullet - Il target dell'assassino

What I put on my fb wall to warn everyone:

Managed to watch only 20 minutes and nearly poured the salt in my eyes cause I was eating sweetcorn. The only reason I am alive is because I could not decide on the most painful way to commit suicide! My IQ has dropped by at least 100 points, I DO NOT KNOW HOW I am managing to write at all!

Produced by MUTRESSA MOVIES! THE HELL IS THAT! In Bulgarian, "mutressa" is what u call members of organised crime. They are renowned for being brutal, uneducated, corrupting and uncultured - this is the type of movie they would produce. I would not be surprised if the studios are used for money laundry.

As a Bulgarian I sometimes watch the horrible Stallone/Lundgren action flicks that get filmed in my country. I first saw the rock-bottom IMDb rating and reviews for this one, and prepared for one more night of cringing self-embarrassment. Boy, was I pleasantly surprised.

Sorry, guys, but no way you will ever get this movie. Hint: check the credits - it was primarily created by Bulgarians and half the time people in it speak in Bulgarian. This movie really was made for a Bulgarian audience and features all sorts of coy little inside jokes in the plot, poking with self-irony at bad American action films and cultural misunderstandings between our two nations. And, it actually paints a decent picture of Bulgaria and Sofia, our refined Oriental folk establishments and fine police force - sadly now we even have terrorists.

I am not saying it is a great film at all. It is at the level of good TV productions in Bulgaria and is actually very enjoyable to a Bulgarian who watches it as precisely that. How and why this was ever marketed to bloodthirsty action flick fans and sold overseas I can't say, but I kind of hope it diverted some cash from the awful Stallone stuff. Yet, you got your fair warning - just don't watch it.

Sorry to say, but this Bulgaria-made movie is by far the most idiotic piece of cinema you could possibly imagine. It is hard to believe this had a budget of 5 million to work with and I guess most of it went into paying Slater and Spall, whom I would hardly imagine will take the part without a substantial paycheck. Concentrating on the actual movie, I would start with the story, which is non-existent and so badly written you could hardly follow what exactly is going on. Advertised as an action movie, the action is so little you could easily fall asleep. The biggest fight scene between Slater and the woman near the end is banal and completely detached from the entire plot (if there is any plot at all), that it makes you wonder if they just needed Slater to be brutally beaten because he was so stupid to take the part. The woman, whose name I can't bother to remember is such a bad actress, it made me feel uncomfortable and I would strongly advice her to find a real job as acting can hardly get worse nowadays...not to mention how incredibly unnatural everything she does is. I never say this about any woman, but sometimes people who are obviously terrible actors are cast because of their good looks - not the case here unfortunately, but then again I doubt there were any auditions for the role as the actress is also the writer. Screenplay-wise I would say this is the most unrealistically portrayed Bulgaria ever seen. You see scenes more suited for Iraq or Afghanistan 20 years ago rather than Bulgaria. Buying typical Arab clothing on the street in a European country is very unusual even for a movie. I assume the author wanted to ridicule the current situation in Bulgaria, where corruption and organised crime are thriving but involving some middle-Eastern terrorists and basically making it look like Bulgaria is more or less the center of modern day terrorism is moronic. I am not going to discuss the endless belly dance scenes and perverted moments involving Slater in a public place seemingly having an orgasm, but one thing is certain - sexuality does not always sell!

I would not recommend this piece of "action" to anyone, who considers themselves moderately intelligent! In fact I would not recommend it even as a joke as that would be too cruel!

Just imagine a kid trying to make his first "foreign-place action movie" who has no idea about the world and cultures and has it all mixed up in his head and this is what you get. Amazingly inaccurate and confusing settings and like everyone said, dumb story. What does Bulgaria or Sofia have to do with this? And what time in the future or past is it taking place because that country and city have never looked or sounded like that. Why are American and British folks chilling in bellydancing and shisha bars?? If they said it was Turkey or middle east it would be slightly more accurate. All that arabic music in the background is hilarious! You don't hear arab music in Europe unless you go into an ethnic restaurant. So amazingly inaccurate. I can't believe there is an actual American director who mixed up cultures and countries like that. This is like making a movie in France but having Italian music in the background while people speak Spanish but actually looking like German. Total parody of a movie! Makes for decent laughs!

It's a somewhat decent made and looking low budget genre flick, that is however suffering from a terrible written script.

Problem with the movie is that you for the longest time will have no idea what you are watching here. You have no idea who all these characters are supposed to be and where the story will be heading at. I hate it when a movie does that. It's lazy writing and not a clever way to keep the audience in the dark for as a long as possible, concerning its story.

And really, when the plot becomes apparent it gets very easy to guess each time what shall happen next. The big 'twist' also is hardly something clever at all, since probably most will figure it out half way through already. It's just too obvious all and unfortunately also nothing too convincing, making this movie and its plot quite ridicules all.

It also really makes this a pointless movie to watch. It's lacking a clear point and direction with its story and there is nothing in it that shall ever truly surprise or thrill you. Not even the action, which isn't even all that much present anyway but you can blame the budget for that.

It's a sad thing Donald Sutherland's talent has to go to waste in this movie. Well, guess it was just some easy and fast money for him, since he isn't even all that much present in this movie, though it of course still gets advertised like he is playing a big part. But same can be said for Timothy Spall really, who should be above these type of movies.

Just not a very good movie to watch.

4/10

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