Piranha 3DD

Is this movie bad? Yes. Did anyone want it? No. Is it hilarious to watch people's minds being blown by how much this movie sucks? Yes. Watching it alone is really boring but making fun of it with your friends might be the only saving grace this film has.

This movie is bad, and I am pretty sure this was intentional. It clearly makes fun of itself and adds a lot of dumb jokes and weird scenes for no purpose. To impress the teenagers also a bunch of bare breasts got added. Probably director John Gulager was so distracted by this human meat show, that he completely forgot to insert a plot of any kind. But does this really matter at this point? I don't think so. Switch your brain off, lean back, stare at the naked bodies, ignore the nonsense lines and get wasted while the movie progresses. The remake was bad already and anybody who expected a sequel to this would do the franchise any good must be out of his mind... or distracted by... you know the drill!

Well this was a huge disappointment! I really liked the first Piranha 3D film so I was looking forward to this. This is a lazy, lifeless, and pointless sequel that had no business being made. Instead of being so bad it's good like the first film, this one is just so bad it's terrible. For starters, the first Piranha film actually had likable characters and somewhat of a plot to it. This one has the thinest of a plot you can get and the characters are incredibly lifeless and not even the main character serves any purpose to the film at all. You'd think that with this being a sequel they would amp up the gore and deaths, but the deaths in this one are actually tamer than the first and there's actually less of them. The film tries to be much more of a comedy this time around by adding more humor which all of it falls flat. The humor in this film is so awful and outdated thats it's hard to believe anyone over the age of 13 actually wrote this film. But, what really annoyed me about this film is just how damn stupid it is! The writers couldn't even come up with a decent way to get these characters in a situation to set up a death scene and instead have them do something really stupid or come up with a really stupid reason to get them in a situation that sets up a lame death. The acting here (even though it's suppose to be bad) is bad even for a B-Movie. And just when you think you will finally get a payoff after sitting through 55 minutes of crap, the film presents you with a lazy and totally underwhelming climax that is filmed so poorly that most of the time you can't even tell what is going on (And this really sucks because that was the highlight of the first film). And then, the film presents us with an ending so stupid and forced that even those who can suspend their disbelief the most will be left frustrated with just how incredibly stupid the ending is. The film is a short (althought it feels much longer) 70 minutes followed by 11 minutes of credits that include a ton of lame outtakes. I can now see why The Weinstein Company decided to only release this in barely any theaters and just put in on VOD. I still can't believe how bad this movie was. The director John Gulager shouldn't ever be allowed to be involved with a film ever again because this guy can't direct to save his life. Alexandre Aja who directed the first film actually understood the material he was working with. John Gulager had no idea what the hell he was doing and just decided the wip out a POS to make a quick buck because he obviously didn't care about this film at all and just wanted to get paid. As far as the cameo's in the film go, Gary Busey is only in the films opening scene and is wasted (the only thing we get to see him do is light a cow's farts on fire). Ving Rhames cameo doesn't just feel forced, but also is just really pathetic and sad to watch. The only positive things I can say about this film was that David Hasselfhoff's scenes are actually chuckle worthy and there's a lot of gorgeous nude women on screen many times. Even though i'm only giving the film 1/2 a star, that feels generous. This film could've really been a blast and fun just like the first one was, but it really is just an atrocity of a film that not even the biggest fans of the first one will enjoy. If you are looking for a fun B-Movie, go rent Piranha 3D and just forget that this film even exist. Piranha 3DD tries to so self-award of itself that it just ends up being exactly what it's parodying.

The aquatic penis munching and poor character choices continue in Piranha 3DD, the even goofier follow-up to Alexandre Aja's surprisingly entertaining 2010 remake, the former of which has just been made available on DVD and Blu-ray. Although containing plenty of both intentional and unintentional laughs, "3DD" often mistakes simple-minded schlock cinema for parody and balls-out nonsense for organic fun. The Weinstein Company/Dimension Films should strongly consider packing this disc with a six pack of beer combo offer.

It's really no surprise that an influx of gratuitous nudity, celebrity cameos (as game and often ironically funny as they often are) and heaps of sheer camp can do little to raise Piranha 3DD to the level of its predecessor. It's even less mysterious as to how populating this film with jerks, ditsy bitches and pure morons (who are seemingly all bipolar judging by their mood, rationalizing and motivations) fail to make for a compelling B-movie.

Of course we expect these human-shaped hunks of piranha fodder to make poor decisions for the sake of crimson water, but when it seems like the writers are intentionally trying to craft most of these individuals with the IQ of water-logged bait worms, it comes off more as insulting.

A year has passed since the massacre at Lake Victoria, and following an eradication campaign that led to the complete and utter contamination of the water, the town's tourist industry has been likewise extinguished. But to paraphrase Dr. Malcolm from Jurassic Park, "life finds a way" and a newly evolved school of prehistoric nasties has managed to elope to another nearby lake, which unlucky for its inhabitants, supplies the local water park called "The Big Wet." Oh and in case you were even going to ask, these piranha have mutated to thrive in chlorinated water or something, so the attack may, in fact, commence without delay.

Of the things to enjoy in Piranha 3DD, it's bar none the extended cameos from Ving Rhames (complete with a shotgun leg) and a booze-swilling, out-of-shape David Hasselhoff whose self-lampooning is the only effective instance of parody to be found in this sequel. His reluctant "celebrity appearance" at the opening of "The Big Wet" amounts to nearly all of the films involuntary chuckles and his bond with a young boy (which forms because he is the only one who doesn't recognize him as the star from Baywatch) is close to the stuff of comedy gold.

Aside from those fleeting moments of inspiration, Piranha 3DD is missed opportunity after miscalculated set-piece. I mean, if you've managed to devise a scenario where a fish has managed to enter (and live in) a woman's vagina and then manage to overlook the chance to make an "eating out" joke, the filmmakers have failed us all. As far as high camp is concerned, you could certainly find more blasé fare, though that doesn't excuse this film from being an unnecessary sequel that seems to think its audience consists of horny preteens who have never seen a proper parody rather than horror buffs looking for a faithful and lovingly crafted follow-up to Piranha 3D.

That was shocking, all those that couldn't get out the pool well... this was meant to be a piranha film but where were they at? There was no logic to this film. Don't put yourself through the pain of watching this film.