- Richie Sambora: Alright, so I wikipedia'd babies and it says that babies cry as a form of instinctive communication.
- 39: So the baby is trying to talk to us?
- Merkhaus: Tell it to speak English!
- El Nino: Yeah what is he some sort of immigrant baby?
- Thames: It's a male.
- Thames' Father: Let me tell you about the Omega class of 1932. The stocks were down, way way down. Oh, but so were the girls skirts. Ha ha ha. And we, the Omegas, we invented the boobs! The way to go, the way to show, the way to get the job done right? Skirts and down, the boobs are out, everything is flowing man! Like who needed consequences? We're no candyasses. We got it done, we made it work baby! The Omega, Omega, Omega! Yeah!
- Thames: You want to know about that corn? Let me tell you about that corn; It took me SIX DAMN YEARS to raise that shit! And when you rip it out, you rip me out!
- Max: [THE BABY IS CRYING] How do we make him stop?
- Giles: I don't know do something!
- Max: Like what?
- Giles: Anything. What are you good at?
- Max: I can tell really, really good knock-knock jokes.
- Giles: Ooh, let's hear one.
- Max: Knock-knock.
- Giles: Who's there?
- Max: Fanny.
- Giles: Fanny who?
- Max: If anybody calls, I'm out.
- [BABY CRIES LOUDER]
- Giles: That's even worse. You just made it even worse.
- Rodney 'Night Train' Maine: You know I thought about it long and hard, and I came to the decision that my favorite food is corn dogs with teriyaki sauce.
- El Nino: So I've been thinking about publishing my memoirs and calling them "El Nino: How I Bring the Rain," because El Nino is like a state of mind you know...
- 39: Actually, El Nino is a climate pattern that occurs in the tropical Pacific ocean about every five years effecting the surface temperature of the ocean water and the pressure of the air above it resulting in global climate anomalies some of which are drastic.
- Pledge: I still don't understand how you're graduating college and yet you can't remember to put the diaper on the baby before you put him in the crib.
- Richie Sambora: Hey you know what Pledge, enough. You don't understand the pressure of having the actually graduate college. When my aunt Debbie graduated college she opened up an orphanage; an orphanage for midgets. It went really well until they started getting their hands on candy. A couple of years later we never heard from aunt Debbie again.