The Perfect House

An excellent film. This has been made for horror fans by this legendary filmmaker. This film should be seen more often and taught in film schools. I wish I was a fly on the wall to witness the art of crafting such a brilliant thing.

This an anthology horror film about a sexy female realtor (Monique Parent, who appeared in countless softcore porn films in the 90's) showing a young couple house where all kinds of horrible things have happened. It's basically the same plot as Hammer's "The House that Dripped Blood" (and the John Ritter TV movie "Terror Tract"). The first story is the best. It's about a very messed-up family--the mother is mentally ill and off her meds, the father may be sleeping with the daughter, and the son has become murderously resentful. It all blows up when they're forced to seek shelter down in the basement during a storm (with a whole lot of knives). I've noticed that when they treat the subject of incest in movies, they're often so circumspect about it that they ironically don't make it nearly as ugly as it would be in real life. It also may be a little hypocritical here because they prominently display this alleged teen incest victim in her underwear (although I seriously doubt the actress is really young a teen). On the other hand, I did appreciate that the subject is treated with some ambiguity and subtlety because NOTHING ELSE in this movie is.

I hate to describe the last two stories as sheer "torture porn" because I really don't like that term. Most people watch horror and porn for completely different reason. Still, the second story is pretty much just unrelenting sadism about a serial killer who tortures and murders victims of both sexes in his basement and has kept one woman alive to periodically sexually assault, but mostly watch him kill the others. This is hard to take very seriously because the acting isn't very believable and there's zero character development, but it did make me question why I was watching this in the first place. When torture goes on long enough, it isn't really "horror" anymore; the term "porn" is not really accurate because only a very disturbed person is going to get turned on by this, but there is something unpleasant and definitely not very fun about it.

The third story, unfortunately, is more of the same except the victims are a whole family (with yet another teenage girl stripped to her underwear) being victimized by their crazy older neighbor. This segment has the only "name" actor in Felissa Rose, who played the transgendered killer in "Sleepaway Camp". I think anybody with a family will find this really hard to watch, and the ending is definitely harder to take than the second. But there is SOME black humor here because the neighbor is set off when the father forgets to return his weed-whacker! Still, it's less funny when he sets on the teen daughter for being scantily clad and promiscuous. I don't know what he has against the younger children. The movie shatters some cinematic taboos here, but it really does it just to do it.

Overall though, I wouldn't describe this movie as offensive, and it certainly does succeed at being pretty grueling. But it is also pretty puerile, definitely pointless (any point it has usually ends up shoved in someone's eye), and just not a lot of fun.

The perfect house is another movie, of the thousands already, with an "evil" house having his sway on its residents behavior. The kind of movies, labeled as horror, that i believe what i am going to see, i have already seen it before, but i watch them, just for fun and because i want to.

And this movie is no exception of the rule. Predictable, bad acting, poor story and nothing original. The acting is so awful, especially when the victims are in danger and threatened to be killed, where no action or reaction comes from them. It has some good gory and torture moments, but nothing you haven't seen before, and it was better than this one of course. All movies, especially horror ones, have many similar scenes and stories, and influence is logic and acceptable. But mixing in a movie, stuff from well known movies, like Hostel, Saw, and Braindead for example, doesn't make it any good or unique. Also there's is a total rip off from Dexter, a really bad one and terribly executed.

I am always eager to fresh ideas in a theme that's already been written and seen before too many times, hoping to see something new with a different twist or view, but most of the times, it fails. An evil house, without explanation of its evilness, it's not something people will follow.

Except the gory moments, another good thing in the movie, is the sexy Monique Parent, the real estate woman, but a sexy woman, is not enough or the reason for someone to watch a horror movie.

A total pass from me, and the creators of each low budget and less promotional horror movies, doesn't have to create different accounts to write propagandic reviews and give high ratings, so they can trick people to watch their films.

2 out of 10.

I went down to my local video store and picked this one up. The guy at the desk made me show him my ID before buying this. This is very strange because I've only ever been carded once before at this place (despite buying a bunch of rated R movies). The only other movie I've been carded for was a smut film called Lake Fear 2: The Swamp which ends with a pregnant nude woman being crucified upside down and the fetus is ripped out of her and thrown in a fire. So naturally, I thought I was in for a wild ride on this one. After watching it...I have no idea why I got carded. This movie is way more tame than others I've bought, but that's all besides the point.

Here's a list of notes I took while watching the movie: After watching the opening scene, my friend said "I bet this guy kills that family because the dad threw out the guy's weed wacker." That turns out to be the actual motive.

A couple is in the market for a house. Someone forgot to tell the real estate agent that they aren't shooting a p*rno today.

At one point a brother and sister fight to the death. The girl wins...unrealistic. I appreciate the twist, but this would not be the outcome in real life.

Love the makeup work on the guy who got his eyelids cut off. Every time they show his stupid-wide gaze is hilarious.

It seems the writer of this movie hates women. Seriously, the women are called derogatory and misogynistic terms before getting killed in a brutal fashion. Like for real...where does this writer get off?!

The Perfect House is a 2013 horror anthology film directed by Kris Hulbert (First Timers) & Randy Kent (Ten Cent Hitman, Life, Death and Mini-Golf, Life of Lemon, & Shadow of the Monarch). Newlyweds, Mike (played by: William A. Robertson from The Rising & Black Marigolds) & Marisol (played by: Andrea Vahl from First Timers & Criminal Intention) take a tour of their dream house. The frisky Real Estate Agent (played by: Monique Parent from Vicious Kiss, Mirror, Mirror III, James Dean: Race with Destiny, & Jurassic City) is willing to do anything to sell this house. They find out that their perfect house has a brutal & unsettling past.

The history of this house of horrors is revealed during three different generations of cursed families that suffered through this hell in this unlucky environment. "The Storm" is the story of a dysfunctional family (Kris Smith from Lady Krampus & My Friend Dahmer, Timothy Dugan from FrightWorld & Prisoners of the Dead, Michael Wagner, & Alex Victoria) trying to survive deadly weather outside in their basement for shelter. Unfortunately, the storm is the least of this families worries when it comes to destruction. Hidden secrets & verbal abuse haunt this unit. Sometimes kids can only take so much from their parents.

"Chic-Ken" is a tale of the unknown serial killer & real life monster John Doesy (played by: Jonathan Tiersten from Sleepaway Camp, Return to Sleepaway Camp, Blood Reservoir, & Terror Tales). He can't control his crazy urges as his body count starts to grow. The evil that exists but no one recognizes him for what he really is. One victim (played by: Holly Greene from The Cutting Room) is lasting longer than the others. She's his "muse" & only audience to his unforgettable acts. Can she escape this madness or is she starting to enjoy it too much?

"Dinner Guests" is the final demented warning of this bad location. Mom (played by: Felissa Rose from Sleepaway Camp, Return to Sleepaway Camp, Victor Crowely, Death House, Silent Night, Zombie Night, & Dahmer vs. Gacy) & Dad (played by: John Philbin from The Return of the Living Dead, Children of the Corn, Point Break, & Tombstone) with their kids just made the wrong choice. Never trust a neighbor, always return their garden tools, & eat at home. Sometimes that normal looking guy (played by: Dustin Stevens from R. S. V. P., Keepers of the Light, & Pastor Damien) next door isn't exactly all there. A routine situation such as a meal can turn into a living nightmare. What happens when that mask of sanity slips off & it can end up dangerous when real dark desires are shown behind closed doors.

I am a big fan of horror anthologies & The Perfect House didn't disappoint. The anthology film is a great opportunity to mix sub genres into one production. You get a little bit of everything in this including survival, torture, revenge & the evil house that changes everyone in it's environment. I appreciated that each segment had a different dark angle to provide for it's overall presentation. "Chic-Ken" & "Dinner Guests" were tied for my favorites from this movie. It was good to see a mini reunion for Sleepaway Camp & Return to Sleepaway Camp co-stars despite being in separate stories. Both Felissa Rose & Jonathan Tiersten gave their best performances in The Perfect House. This is a very mean spirited movie, it's full of unlikable characters that you don't care what happens to them. Which is good considering how gruesome & insane this is. Fans of hardcore gore & nasty special effects will be very pleased by The Perfect House!!!!