The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

Well I just finished this film. Full disclosure, I lost a bet on whether the Pittsburgh Pirates would go above .500 this season and for some crazy reason they actually finished above .500 so I had to watch this film. With that said, I can say that at times I was thoroughly entertained.

Let's start with the acting, it's hard to imagine why some talented actors chose to work in this film but then it's not that hard to imagine when you think about the one day of shooting for the significant pay day. Listen, every actor or actress was just horrible in the film. Tony Braxton was so self centered that it was almost uncomfortable for me to watch and not one time do I remember her stating who she actually was in the film. Was she playing herself? I'm still left wondering about this one.

Cloris Leachman was the first respectable actress to appear and she essentially played a crazy person. Her character was obsessed with circles. If you just read that sentence and re read it because it didn't make sense then let me spare you the third re read, yes...she was actually obsessed with a circular shape. When the Oogielove trio enters her home and begins speaking with her they mention nothing about this psychopathic problem. If I entered a situation like that, my initial thought would be something like "What the hell is wrong with this woman? I gotta get outta here. This woman is crazy and I legitimately need to be worried about my safety." Instead Cloris's character induces the trio into a disturbing dance about circles that is sure to leave the audience questioning their sanity.

By the way, let me interrupt my character and acting assessment to quickly explain to you the plot of this film. The Oogieloves wake up in the morning and it apparently is their pillow's birthday. Once again, you read that correctly, it is their pillow's birthday. Now there is no explanation for why there pillow is alive or whether it can even speak at this point, as a viewer you just have to go with it and as I tried to immerse myself in the Oogielove world, just for a second I was able to believe that the group was really excited about there pillow's birthday.

Now we are introduced at this point to our first supporting character in the film, a window with a woman's face on it. Think Snow White mirror but a beautiful woman instead. I wish I could say that this talking mirror is the most unique and weird character in the film but frankly it probably doesn't even approach the top three. The talking mirror speaks with a southern accent for really no reason whatsoever. I'm not sure where the accent comes from but it is just accepted despite no one else in the film having that accent.

The window wakes up the Oogieloves and they look into her. She has the magical ability to see anywhere in their mysterious land so she shows them an approaching character. What character you may ask? Well this character is hands down the most unexplained and unbelievable character in the film, it's a talking vacuum cleaner. Why a vacuum cleaner? I repeatedly asked myself that question while watching the movie and came up with no good answer. I'm just going to assume they simply thought of a household object and for some reason believed a vacuum would make for an interesting character. They were wrong.

The talking vacuum accidentally lets go of some helium balloons for the surprise birthday party for the talking pillow because I think he tripped on the sidewalk. (There is a sentence I never would've believed I would've typed in my life.) So the Oogieloves trio set out to go and find the balloons for the party. Now at this point my spidey senses were tingling. I had a ton of issues with their decision making here. So you're telling me they can't just go buy 5 more balloons? The talking vacuum has an answer for that question. No, these are the last balloons in their world. Hmmmmmm...well played director, well played. Well truthfully, we learn later these are magical balloons that can sing but their song was really stupid and basic and I don't really think the talking pillow enjoyed it but I don't want to give away the ending for you all.

So the Oogieloves go from place to place and meet the celebrities. The worst acting performance (and believe me this was not an easy decision) had to go to Christopher Lloyd. In about 10 minutes of screen time he had 1 line...ONE. I mean really? He just blankly stared at the camera and then made weird threatening faces towards the Oogieloves when they stared at Jaime Presley the wrong way. And yes, we were to believe that Christopher Lloyd was hooking up with Jaime Presley. The sad fact is that this was not the most unbelievable subplot of the film.

Listen there is other characters in this film and other terrible story lines that are worth discussing but I think I've talked enough. It was a disturbing film and really entertaining at times. It was an awful film and I don't believe for a second that kids would actually enjoy it (kids aren't stupid) but from a satirical standpoint I somewhat enjoyed it. View at your own risk.

(As a side point you have to love the people that come on here and are hired to write reviews. They are so blatantly hired to write positive reviews and frankly it is comical.)

***UPDATE - Another bogus review added by someone who JUSt registered and NEVER reviewed anything before, and still it's on 1.9!

***UPDATE*** Worst movie opening of ALL time - the American public speaks!

Firstly, I have a pre schooler and I watch a lot of kids movies and TV. Dora can be a little annoying at times to me, but I can see it's educational value and that it has a plot, a point, some thought went into the episodes.

The Oogieloves had a bad plot, bad writing, bad songs, bad acting and was quite frankly and insult to your average pre schooler.

One of the reviews here said it was for 8 years and under, and I say to that NO WAY IN HECK! You will not find a kid above 5 wanting to sit through this garbage.

It makes the lack lustre The Lorax (of which most would say the book was far superior), seem like it should have garnered numerous Oscars.

If I was a writer on this project I would have told them they didn't have to put my name in the credits, it's THAT awful.

NOW, to the bogus reviews - there are 5 here as of this moment - 1 is a good review by someone who has written a lot of reviews, so I can respect that they found something appealing in this pile of dross that I obviously didn't see. 2 are awful reviews like mine, written by people, like me, who have written other reviews.

Two of the reviews are bogus in my opinion, probably written by someone in connection to the movie, since neither of these people has EVER written a review on ANYTHING before. Does that scream fake review to you? Even with the bogus reviews this movie is only on a 2.2 so far, that should tell you it's just plain bad.

Don't even rent it from a Redbox, it's not even worth that much! Parents everywhere hear me, you're going to be happy in a couple of weeks because Finding Nemo is coming back to theaters, save your money and take the little guys to that - they haven't seen it on the big screen and it's even going to be 3D too, now THAT is a movie worth your movie ticket bucks.

I would have given this a zero with no qualms at all, except that there is no option for a zero out of ten!

Really, people?

I mean, I saw the movie. I saw it just to see how bad it was. Oh, I was not disappointed. And it seemed like at the time everyone else agreed on how bad it was, considering it had a 1.7 rating here on IMDb. About three quarters of a year later, here we are with 4.9? How did this happen?

So people just decide to up and suddenly praise this movie? Yep, seems likely. I did a little research on a lot of these "reviewers", due to outrage and a bit of summer boredom, I'll admit that right there. Here are my findings: Many of them were not only posted within a span of four days or so, but most of them have "The Oogieloves" as their only review ever made. Also, those accounts were made exactly one month and three weeks ago from today. What are the odds? Not to mention their usernames follow the format FirstnameLastnameNumber. Is it possible for everyone to just up and decide that? Poorly executed cover. Maybe this is true, and maybe it isn't, but to me it looks as if Kenn Viselman, the "marketing visionary", is getting desperate and is asking people to give his "film" good publicity. How else do you explain this sudden spike in votes and reviews? And if this really is true, then maybe Kenn was lying through his teeth when he said it "wasn't about the money". I mean, seriously. If it's not about the money, why the heck would you credit yourself as "marketing visionary" in the trailer? Does anyone see the irony in that? We're not that stupid. (Funny, I can imagine kids all over the world saying that to their parents when they saw the trailer.) Not to mention, if this is Mr. Viselman's way of compensating, then he must not be very good at his job. When you have to literally hire people to like your movie, then quit your occupation. That's like paying people to cheer you on at your baseball game. That's a bust. You've hit rock bottom, Kenn.

And this film truly deserves more bad views than it already has. Three over-sized, fully-clothed Teletub- er, I mean Oogieloves- go on a quest to find five magic balloons for their friend Schluufy. After all, it is his birthday (it is a he, right?). Okay, that's not a bad set up. It's simple enough. But we need to keep the parents entertained. Let's spice it up with some C-list celebrity cameos! I watch them sing and dance in this movie, and I bury my head in my hands, wondering "Why, Prince Wesley, why? Detective Kujan, what are you doing with your life? Doc Brown, if only you had your DeLorean to travel into your future and see this pile of dung!" It's sad, really. However, even when watching the movie, I think to myself "So what's so bad about this movie?"

It's not how poorly-made it is, how badly-written the songs are, or how embarrassing the cameos are. It's the fact that they think this is what kids need. Do children really need three crudely designed gigantors talking down to them (literally) as if they were stupid? This is WAY past pandering, it's babying. Many people would respond to this, saying "Oh abrown975, you've gone too far. It's just a kids movie. It doesn't have to be perfect." Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. "Oh come on, it's just a toy. It doesn't have to be perfect." "Lighten up, it's just a baby swing. So what if it's shoddily made?" "It's okay, it's just a pacifier. Why would it need to be child-safe?" Let me put things in perspective if I haven't done that accurately. Is "Barney's Great Adventure" a kids movie? Yes, and it was horrible. Is "The Lion King" a kids movie? Absolutely, but it's currently rated the #1 animated movie of all time on IMDb. What about "Mac and Me"? How great was that? Not at all. What about "Up"? Um, nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, need I remind you.

Just because it's a kids movie doesn't mean quality has to be abandoned. Using "How can children tell?" as an excuse is just a blatant cop-out. It's laziness, no matter how "revolutionary" the idea is.

THAT'S why "The Oogieloves In the Big Balloon Adventure" is not only a horrible children's movie, but just a movie by itself.

And that's exactly why I say you should definitely watch it. WHAT A TWIST! Yes, that's right. Watch this horrible piece of poo. Watch it with your friends. Make fun of it. Have fun. This is the "Troll 2" of our generation. "Mystery Science Theater 3000" has prepared us for this exact moment.

Huh, maybe this was Kenn Viselman's plan all along to get viewers. Perhaps he really is a successful "marketing visionary" after all. Well played, Mr. Viselman.

This movie still sucks though, no matter how many PR people are telling us otherwise.

UPDATE: 6.3!

UPDATE 2: 7! This is unbelievable.

This had to be the worst kids' movie I have ever seen in my life; my four year old and I we were the only two in the theater watching it today; she must have asked me 10 times if the movie was over and if it was time to go. The voices didn't match up to the film and the whole thing was a big old' mess. The songs were silly and not in a good, silly for kids way; just silly and meaningless. We missed the first few minutes, which I usually hate, but I think that save us a few more minutes of misery. Perhaps the glow stick had something to do with the beginning that we missed, but she kept asking me what it was for. I like the idea of kids being able to interact, and maybe if there had been someone else in the theater, she would have been motivated to get up, but it just didn't work.

The Oogieloves In The Big Ballon Adventure is not only one of the worst movies i've ever seen, it's the worst children's movie i've ever seen! It's everything that's wrong with children's shows wrapped up into one movie. Having left the theater, i'm still incredibly shocked that a film this terrible got a theatrical release. First off, this is some of the laziest writing i've ever heard for a kids film. Just look at the characters names! Goobie, Zoozie, and Toofie! And if you think that's bad enough, just wait until you hear some of the supporting cast characters names. Rosalie Rosebud, Marvin Milkshake, and the worst of all is Carey Elwes character's name Bobby Wobbly. The saddest of all is Christopher Lloyds role which is just embarrassing. You can tell for the most part though that none of the supporting cast wanted to be there because they aren't even trying at all. The plot of the film is as simple as it gets. The Oogieloves have the collect the 5 magical balloons they've lost and get them back in time for this big party they are about to have. You can pretty much figure out the whole movie from just that one sentence. What ensues is some of the worst jokes i've ever heard in a film and a bunch of lame dance/musical numbers. Now the Oogieloves is being marketed as a "revolutionary interactive movie-going experience". However, there is nothing revolutionary or original about it. If you've seen Dora The Exploreor or anything show similar of that, then you've seen everything that Oogieloves has to offer. There is nothing new here to see, except the material being taken to a new low. The writing is some of the worst i've ever heard for a kids film with all of the jokes involving some sort of gross out gag or flatulence jokes. The musical numbers are also very bland and the songs are not catchy at all. However, I can't really say the film bored me because it just kept irritating me and making me more and more angry by how awful it was. The fact that this is what people are accepting for children's entertainment is shocking and is exactly why all kids entertainment these days sucks! Oh, and don't buy into the "Academy Award Nominated Director" crap either, Matthew Diamond was nominated for Best Documentary for a film that nobody saw. I really can't think of anything else to say about this film besides how awful it is. Please Parents, do not take your kids to see this film!