#float

Directed by the Head of Business Affairs for quickly tanking studio Blumhouse, Float is just more proof that Hollywood producers are almost universally creatively bankrupt.

Float is a semi-found footage horror film about a group of millennials going on a tubing trip in memory of their friend who died on the river last year (why was he tubing by himself?). Utilizing about every cliché in the genre, someone or something begins to kill them off. (Don't worry, it will never explain what)

The acting is atrocious. The script seems like it was written on a napkin. The attempts to be relevant come as subtle as a hammer to the head. "People thought covid was fake too until it killed them!" "Rosé all day!" as well as a monologue to the dead guys urn they brought along how she "knows he was a good guy and wouldn't be hurting them" all will leave the viewer shocked the director isn't fresh out of high school.

Further proof was the music. There were several points they used the actual stock stinger effects that every YouTube video editor gets for free! I had to look up the composer, he did 2 things back in 2015 and nothing since. Considering a lot of the music is a guitar strumming or some synth pads I can't imagine why.

After a very tiny theatrical run, Float was dumped quietly on Tubi.

I find little to recommend here. There's about 3 kills with some standard gore. No nudity but the cast is in bikinis and swim trunks almost the whole time if that's your thing. Everything else is done so pedestrian that it's unforgivable for someone supposedly with experience.

Oh, and guess what? We get a music video during the end credits! How #kewl.

I figured I would watch this movie late night since it was only a little over an hour long. Horror CAN be done quickly, though this wasn't Dien well at all. I turned it off 20 minutes in and that was giving it a chance from the opening credits on. Good horror can be done with bad actors and low budgets, but they skimped on the acting, like REALLY SKIMPED. Had a goodish premise and then Blake had to go and ruin it for anyone willing to give this movie a shot. The 3 girls were all actually good actors but the dudes seemed like they were pulled off the street to be in this movie. The creepy dirty guy was ok as well, then once again, Blake comes in the scene to ruin it. Don't waste your money on this like I did.

I've watched four horror films in the last week or so. Skinnamarink, The Outwaters, The Black Phone (again), and this. It is not fair to Compare all of those to each other for many reasons, one being budget. While not the lowest budget here, #floaters sure feels like it is. Amateurish screenplay, directed adequately but not able to coax out a single good performance. While I would certainly watch this again before Skinnamarink, I hope to watch neither. Now that We've killed enough characters, here's the review: cheap, bad, forgettable. Sadly six hundred characters are necessary to say that. Wow.

Being a horror movie following the tropes of this genre there's an understandable formula of hating some characters and liking some others.

But this movie breaks this formula by making you hate everyone, literally, no one has and redeeming features.

The enjoyment is gained from everyone getting some sort of comeuppance.

No one seems to really care for anyone else.

.. Kid goes missing, no one really cares, except for the god awful 'parents' ... friend disappeared under water accompanied with a pool of blood, oh well, let's keep floating and chatting and drinking.

The pacing is weird, audio awful almost like it's all done in ADR, acting is passable but made worse with the awful dialogue.

Whilst the production quality is reasonable, don't let this deceive you in to thinking it's an average film, it's just not.

One this is for sure, everyone of them are certainly 'floaters' 🌊 💩

The other reviews summed this one up well, and all heed a great warning. There's a reason this film found its free home on beloved free TUBI tv.

The acting is so appalling bad and uneven that it's distracting and it takes you right out of it. The stale and lackluster script follows quickly after it, down the drain.

Eventually, it's like they ran out of a script, idea, concept, or plot point all together and just found a tiny shack in the woods and settled.

Characters and actions/motivations are a strange and clumsy mix of confusion and unexplained undercooked contrivances, that lead nowhere. And bizarre decisions take over the plot when the script wears incredibly thin and realizes there isn't one.

This tried to think it was Blair Witch meets The Descent meets generic camping trip gone wrong or something. Except nothing much happens. A vlogger is apparently the main character. Horrible decisions and ignoring the warning signs, are just the start of trouble with this material. The rest of the issues with the plot bleed in to odd production errors/choices and strange camera work.

Throw in a random child, and entirely forgettable deaths (did I forget, or did they just not show anything worth-while I have no clue), and you're left scratching your head wondering why they bothered at all.

Without the # hashtag, I don't see how this succeeds. The film's development and execution is terrible, the actors have zero chemistry together. Its surprising the screenplay made it so far. Avoid unless you want an experiment in #tedium.