Bermuda Island

Right, well I have to say that the movie's cover was actually interesting enough to make me stop and take the time to sit down and watch the movie. Sure, I had never heard about it, prior to watching it.

The storyline in "Bermuda Island" was pretty straightforward. In fact, it was a rather simplistic and generic storyline actually. So writers Sonny Mahal, Michael Mahal, Robert Thompson and Adrian Milnes didn't exactly deliver anything grand or overly innovative here. And truth be told, the narrative in the movie was predictable, generic and bland.

The acting performances in "Bermuda Island" was okay enough for what the movie offered. You're not in for anything grand, mind you. And the only familiar faces on the cast list were Tom Sizemore and Noel Gugliemi, whom both were killed off very quickly in the movie. Yeah, go figure.

The creature design in "Bermuda Island" was laughably bad. It was nothing more than people in obvious body-suits. And it didn't even look good. It was like something taken out of a poor man's Live Action Role-Playing event. It looked so fundamentally bad, that it took away my desire to keep watching the movie.

Do yourself a favor and don't waste your time on the movie. I just really isn't worth the effort. I managed to endure a staggering 45 minutes of the 86 minute runtime before I tossed the towel in the ring out of sheer and utter boredom. And trust me, this is definitely not a movie that I will ever return to finish watching.

My rating of director Adam Werth's 2023 movie "Bermuda Island" lands on a two out of ten stars.

It says Action/Adventure as the genre here on IMDB, but it played out as a Horror/Comedy instead. The acting is abysmal and the creatures are hysterical, especially how they place a towel over their private parts while the actors are clearly wearing green rubber suits.

The blood looked laughably like spaghetti sauce and one thing I couldn't figure out was why most of the cast was noticeably overweight. Were they supposed to be a Weight Watchers group or something?

It was distracting because most of them were so large that I wondered if it was just a coincidence or if it had something to do with the story. In any case, I knew this was a mindless, mediocre film going in and just wanted something on to pass the time while doing other things. If you're looking to be scared or even for some suspense, you'll be sorely disappointed.

If you're looking for something to pass the time and laugh at while watching, this is a good choice. And there's some adequate boobies too. 2 stars for the unintentional comedy.

I watched this because I thought it was Tom Sizemore's last movie. Turns out he has another 31 films coming out this year!

The guy was taking any role at the end of his life that required no effort on his part. He's nearly unrecognizable in this film. Grossly overweight and his palor is sheet-white. He actually looks like that ghoul guy from Carnival of Souls. No kidding.

The movie was actually pretty decent for the first third or so but once they crash on the island the monster enters -- which harkend back to the look of Corman or AIP horror flicks of the 60's and 70's.

That's when I bailed. It took a sharp left hand turn into garbage.

WARNING: NO SPOILERS ADDED AND THE WHOLE REVIEW TURNED OUT BETTER THAN THE MOVIE!

I truly don't even know how to rate this. I almost think they held a contest to see which writer could leave the most plot holes with a separate contest for the most predictable plot twists. I do not believe there was a director, just cameramen yelling action/cut and everyone picking their favorite part to add to the movie. As for the actors and actresses, I believe they may have had to pay for their parts in the movie. I can't believe anyone would pay for that dedicated quality.

I guess I am just too picky. Others actually gave this movie great ratings. I am trying to find one of those that was honest.

A minute in, and you can't hear the dialogue because there is a beat in the background on loop. Fantastic sign. You increase the volume to hear the actor's mumbling. BAMM. A shootout and the sound effects are 500% louder than the dialogue. Fantastic. The title starts with music. Some sort of exposition is given through fake news reports. Can't hear it because of the music.

What I'm trying to say is that releasing films where the sound mixing was obviously done by a deaf person is an insult to your audience. I'm not asking for perfection, just basic competence.

Even a character exclaims "You've got to speak up!" at one point.

Okay, fine, the sound sucks. This is a movie called "Bermuda Island," what did I expect?

Tom Sizemore is in this. It's one of the 70 films he shot the last year before his death, and he looks rough. Like real rough. The other actors are unknown to me and for good reason. They play a motley crew that end up stranded on an island when their plane crashes.

Plot-twist, the island is inhabited by some kind of humanoid monster men, but are the real monsters or are the humans invading their island the real monsters? Yes, the monsters are the real monsters.

The island might be in the Bermuda triangle. The movie title suggests it, but I couldn't hear enough of dialogue to confirm it. It's amazingly bad and not in a fun way.