Bermuda Island

WARNING: NO SPOILERS ADDED AND THE WHOLE REVIEW TURNED OUT BETTER THAN THE MOVIE!

I truly don't even know how to rate this. I almost think they held a contest to see which writer could leave the most plot holes with a separate contest for the most predictable plot twists. I do not believe there was a director, just cameramen yelling action/cut and everyone picking their favorite part to add to the movie. As for the actors and actresses, I believe they may have had to pay for their parts in the movie. I can't believe anyone would pay for that dedicated quality.

I guess I am just too picky. Others actually gave this movie great ratings. I am trying to find one of those that was honest.

There is literally nothing redeemable in this movie. Perhaps I can't actually make this claim because I doubt I'll be able to make it through to the end.

The first 10 minutes are so bad, I can only see this going down hill fast.

I honestly can't believe someone paid money to make this movie.

Here's a delicious piece of dialog from this fim:

(we're on an airplane. The pilot comes out of the cabin.)

An young adult woman says to the flight attendant (who just got hit on by the captain)

"excuse me" she says. "was that t he pilot?"

Flight attendant: "yeah"

Young woman: "are we going to die?"

Flight attendant: "... it's just that he probably had to use the restroom, or get a drink or something"

I mean, who writes this garbage?

Every bit of dialog is just like this.

It's like getting hit in the face with a hammer.

No subtlty... just blurting out one unrealistic line after another.

I guess people have to start somewhere with their acting career. I just have to imagine putting this on your acting credits might end up backfiring...

Right, well I have to say that the movie's cover was actually interesting enough to make me stop and take the time to sit down and watch the movie. Sure, I had never heard about it, prior to watching it.

The storyline in "Bermuda Island" was pretty straightforward. In fact, it was a rather simplistic and generic storyline actually. So writers Sonny Mahal, Michael Mahal, Robert Thompson and Adrian Milnes didn't exactly deliver anything grand or overly innovative here. And truth be told, the narrative in the movie was predictable, generic and bland.

The acting performances in "Bermuda Island" was okay enough for what the movie offered. You're not in for anything grand, mind you. And the only familiar faces on the cast list were Tom Sizemore and Noel Gugliemi, whom both were killed off very quickly in the movie. Yeah, go figure.

The creature design in "Bermuda Island" was laughably bad. It was nothing more than people in obvious body-suits. And it didn't even look good. It was like something taken out of a poor man's Live Action Role-Playing event. It looked so fundamentally bad, that it took away my desire to keep watching the movie.

Do yourself a favor and don't waste your time on the movie. I just really isn't worth the effort. I managed to endure a staggering 45 minutes of the 86 minute runtime before I tossed the towel in the ring out of sheer and utter boredom. And trust me, this is definitely not a movie that I will ever return to finish watching.

My rating of director Adam Werth's 2023 movie "Bermuda Island" lands on a two out of ten stars.

My experience with Bermuda Island left me somewhat perplexed. Let me be clear, it's evident from the outset that this is a production constrained by a modest budget. The performances are lackluster, the characters lack depth, and the storyline feels somewhat disorganized.

Regrettably, Tom Sizemore's presence in the film is fleeting, and his role appears disconnected from the main plot, seemingly interchangeable with any actor, which was disappointing, considering he's the lone renowned actor in the cast.

On a more positive note, the classic-style monsters featured in the movie pleasantly surprised me. While not of top-tier quality, the monster costumes were surprisingly passable, especially given the constraints of a small budget production like this.

Furthermore, the film's conclusion held an element of unpredictability, adding a layer of intrigue. While it didn't personally resonate with me, it undeniably introduced a plot twist. In my assessment, Bermuda Island comfortably fits within the 3-4 star range; I've certainly seen worse films.

It says Action/Adventure as the genre here on IMDB, but it played out as a Horror/Comedy instead. The acting is abysmal and the creatures are hysterical, especially how they place a towel over their private parts while the actors are clearly wearing green rubber suits.

The blood looked laughably like spaghetti sauce and one thing I couldn't figure out was why most of the cast was noticeably overweight. Were they supposed to be a Weight Watchers group or something?

It was distracting because most of them were so large that I wondered if it was just a coincidence or if it had something to do with the story. In any case, I knew this was a mindless, mediocre film going in and just wanted something on to pass the time while doing other things. If you're looking to be scared or even for some suspense, you'll be sorely disappointed.

If you're looking for something to pass the time and laugh at while watching, this is a good choice. And there's some adequate boobies too. 2 stars for the unintentional comedy.