Beauty and the Beast

Once upon a time, David Lister, the director of this version of Beauty and the Beasts(2009), directed another movie called Blood of Beasts(2003). It was another film based on Beauty and the Beast and it was awful, but terribly funny in a way it was never meant to be. Because Blood of Beasts(2003) was so awful, it made sick and twisted sense for him to try to go ahead and redo it.

With David Lister (as one of the most ineffective directors around), I knew what I was getting into. Low-budget? Yes. Bad costumes? Yes. Bad directing? Yes. Bad acting? Heh, let's try NO acting. It was perfectly set up for accidental comic brilliance.

Let me say this: David Lister has really out-done himself this time. Beauty and the Beasts(2009) is even worse than Blood of Beasts(2003), and that is no small feat.

I laughed the whole way through. Between the miniskirt with the brown vinyl corset thrown over it, inappropriate uses of CGI, the Botox lips-of-doom, the high school theatre costume department reject wigs, and the ketchup-for-blood effects, if I did not laugh I would have cried, it was that painful.

Even then, let's chalk that up to low-budgeting. If there are good actors and good directors, any film can shine. My favourite Beauty and the Beast film, the Czechoslovakian Panna a netvor(1978), is riddled with the signs of a low-budget: simple special-effects, second rate costumes, natural and sparse sets. Still Panna a netvor(1978) is brilliant, making up in plot, intensity and acting what it lacked in money. With this in mind, Beauty and the Beasts(2009) has no excuse.

It was excruciatingly painful, so much so that you have to be masochistic to watch it more than once, but I think I could have forgiven much of it had the film had even the barest sense of humour. Everyone takes themselves much too seriously. Imagine a campy Vincent Price flick like the Abominable Dr. Phibes(1971) in which they try to be serious? It wouldn't work, and it didn't work here.

I'll give it a point for the potential of the story. It was an interesting idea which happily did not conform to the established version of Beauty and the Beast, and it *could* have had interesting repercussions. Still, and not surprisingly, it failed to deliver.

This is the sort of traumatic experience in which an "I survived Beauty and the Beasts: A Dark Tale 2009" t-shirt should be made so that you can be admired and pitied all at once.

I happened to saw this movie today regardless of the many warnings that I will be wasting my time if I do. And yes, I believe, I not only wasted my time, I forgot what the real story of Beauty and the Beast was. I wonder why nowadays anyone can come up with an empty plot and file up the movie name with a title of a legendary story. Someone should stop this, or we may be seeing Snow white with Pinochio dancing in Cinderella's ball.

Estella Warren was a good cast, but Director David Lister failed to bring up some nice actor with her. Though I saw one at the end, just thirty seconds ago the movie was ending.

AS far as gore is concerned, the effects and graphics looked exactly what a low budget movie should display.

In no way this movie can be classified as a family movie, or a movie for children, because of the so much blood and gore in it, which all looked artificial though.

This one deserved 3/10, because I need to rate at least something.

This one could have been decent - even on a budget! I didn't have a problem with Beast - he was fine considering the budget. What really irked me was them giving Belle a short dress - really out of place for this time era. Also irked by the dialogue - it sucked along with the actors. Cartoon version definitely wins this one hands down!

2/10

basically, the movie is Shite! although Estella warren is really hot! could've been better if you made a porn movie out of this. i'm not saying that you should. but the movie is just horrible! special effects is a 1 out of 10 acting is a 4 out of 10 costume, i can give it a 7 out of 10 (just because Estella looks really HOT!) just please! if you plan on watching this or buying this movie, Don't! it's completely Boring, bad acting. bad Background music. and as i said, better if they made a PORN movie out of it. it's just that awful. i have seen the original cartoon and its better. even though there is a twist on the tale, when i watched it, the storyline basically changed. as i said better if it showed some skin or better if it was made for porn.

Firstly, this is NOT for CHILDREN, there are copious amounts of blood squirting scenes from severed limbs within the first ten minutes and my six year old has nightmares now... from BEAUTY AND THE BEAST???

The acting in this film is third if not tenth rate, and since when did they have mini skirts back in the day they are trying to portray... There is no thing believable (except the squirting blood to children) about this film, there is no heart to it, no pull or grab, I would liken it to an extremely bad comedy, as its acting is so poor, its comical they even let it be produced!

I found this film to just be a complete waste of time, and it is really not suitable for children under the age of ten at least, and even then will probably require parental guidance, so as to make light/jokes of the disgusting blood squirting scenes. Very bad taste.