The Terminators

How to make a film by "the Asylum" 1) Rip off the concept of someone else's better idea.

2) Get a washed up actor to star in your film. Someone willing to work for Booze Money. (See also, Bruce Boxleitner, A. Martinez) 3) Hire FX guys willing to show their stuff.

4) Hire writers with absolutely no decency.

this film amused me. You essentially have a society that can build spaceships, a huge space station and really advanced robots that look like human beings and are virtually indestructible. yet oddly, most civilians live lives of quiet desperation with current technology.

Nope, it doesn't make a lick of sense, and don't expect it to.

The Asylum presents The Terminators, and a part of me deplores their most legally untenable title yet, I have to admire their audacity in taking a similar them to a popular franchise and attempting to circumvent the copyright laws by simply making the title plural. These are the plucky plagiarizers who were sued by the makers of "The Day The Earth Stood Still" for their movie "The Day The Earth Stopped," and won, so I'm guessing they're feeling lucky. One wonders the next endeavor from the Asylum will feature a cloned British spy, who will be known as "James Bonds." The basic premise is that mankind has an army of androids performing various tasks and oddjobs around the country. The robots revolt in unison around the country and begin uniformly attempting to kill every human being they can, by either pulling out various organs, impaling them with punches, or just shooting them with a gun. Sadly the robots (cheekily dubbed "TR4s") are mute throughout, which leaves one to imagine the horrible puns that could have been written for them ("I'll be coming back!" "Come with with me if you want to live . . .just kidding!" *blam!*).

All the androids are identical, which is understandable, but what I don't get is why every single one of them is wearing the exact same outfit. Some of these robots were working in shops, some were working on a space station, some were presumably dancing at a bachelorette party, yet they are all wearing slacks and a sleeveless shirt? The robots are played by an iron jawed, bodybuilder type (Paul Logan) who seems like his exclusive preparation was watching a lot of Arnold as the (actual) Terminator to determine how to run and fire a gun like a big-screen, killing machine, muscular, humanoid robot, which Arnold wrote the book on. I'm not saying its legible, but he definitely wrote the book.

We follow a small band of survivors from a little town outside of Los Angeles, robot holocaust, led by the town Sheriff (A Martinez — that's the actor's name "A Martinez", as apparently the Asylum could not afford a specific Martinez, but had to settle for a more generic brand).

I want to say I had an absolute blast watching the Terminators with friends last night, and for fun/bad movie lovers I highly recommend it.

Daniel J. Roos film.ispwn.com

Since I can't really add anything new or different to what others have written (basically, any review with score of 2 stars or less I'm in agreement with), I decided to add to the list of films Asylum should consider making:

Battlestar Galaxia; Star Track, The Motion Movie; Star War IV, A New Hopefulness; Star War V, The Empire Stages a Counter-offensive; Star War VI, The Jedi Comes Back; Babylon 6; Lightning Bug; The Twilight Area

Maybe they should get into historical dramas:

Approximately 300; The Passion of the Jesus; Troys; Inglorious Soldiers Who Never Knew Their Fathers; Spartacusus; Saving Corporal Ryan

This is not worth one cent to spend, because it's not a movie. It makes no sense in any matter, and everything a director can make wrong, a scriptwriter can make wrong, and an actor/actress can make wrong, is made wrong. Every Teletubbie serial has more class and intelligence. It would make sense for a full drunken audience, but even filled with four bottles of wine I for myself would rather prefer to view a George Bush honor feature.

After the first CGI disappeared and the first scene with people on a set begun, I realized that this is going really bad. It's strange that you can imagine how bad a movie will be already after a few seconds.

I've seen some bad movie's from the 50's and 60's, they are great masterworks compared to The Terminators. Maybe in 200 years this movie is cult, but only in a future with the people from "Idiocracy".

There's no story. None.

A bunch of robots go berserk. A big robot apparently got control, but nobody really knows or cares. The robots all look the same; macho steroid guys who never say anything. They just shoot guns and croak people. And shoot guns. And croak people. And shoot guns. And croak people. Sometimes for variety's sake, they kill people by strangling them or twisting their neck right off.

There's a bunch of people in a small town, running around and screaming so the robots know where they are. One guy in the group worked for the robot building company but quit. So he can get rid of the gun-happy things maybe. One has an unfaithful hubby who's fooling around with her friend. We know nothing more about anybody.

People die, phony looking blood spurts around, robots occasionally freeze up just as they want to kill somebody, a bunch of folks somehow all know how to fly spacecraft with no training, more screaming, more robots doing poor impressions of Arnold the original Terminator, and you never quite know what the whole point was. The acting and directing are both almost as non-existent as the script: my personal favorite was the sheriff. He drones on at about three words per hour; I swear I saw other actors fell asleep before he finished his lines.

Almost beyond the "so bad it's good" range. You have to go in with the mindset of laughing at this one, or else you'll never be able to watch it all the way through.