I mercenari - The Expendables

If you aren't sure what to expect going into this think Rambo, only there are five Rambos instead of just one, and two of them know karate.

If you do have high expectations going in (as I did), you will start to wonder if perhaps this movie isn't going to be what you were expecting as you watch it. The first hour gives you the two 'big' cameos, which weren't worth the hype (or any hype for that matter), and an out of place Mickey Rourke emotional moment but not much else.

The real payoff comes in the last half hour or so of the movie which is a beautiful symphony of mindless violence, and more than makes up for the beginning.

Overall the movie seemed a little rushed as far as the story goes and I won't be surprised to see a extended cut when this comes out on DVD but it is a solid action movie and worth the watch. And hats off to Randy Couture who actually steals the movie a little bit during the big action scene at the end.

So I guess with any film review - it's all about the answers to the important questions. So let's get them out of the way first shall we?

Q) Is the plot descent, with a substantial storyline including dramatic arcs, twists and/or turns?

A) Not particularly.

Q) Are there character arcs and meaningful character developments?

A) A little.

Q) Is there romance?

A) Next question, please.

Q) Is the overall film original?

A) Not at all.

Q) Is it a likely Oscar nomination contender?

A) Hell no!

Q) Is it still awesome?

A) HELL YES!!!!!

Critics should be banned from reviewing films such as these. Anyone with half a brain can tell exactly what kind of film this is and what they're in for purely by the film's trailer alone.

This is a film made for action movie fans and not just regular action movies - I mean REAL action films in the style of the classic 80's action movies where plot and substantial character developments and dialogue took a backseat to intense over-the-top violence, explosions, car chases, sex scenes and catchy, memorable one liners!

The 80's action hero (and villain) breed was a rare phenomenon which will likely die with those very actors who gave them life. No 90's or new millennium "action" movie star will ever come close to being anywhere near as genuinely tough and just plain bad-arse as their 80's predecessor's! Even now with the main 'Expendables' cast pushing 60 +, you know that they would snap Matt Damon's spine in 2 with one hand tied behind their backs!

The 'Expendables' cast consists of Sly Stallone as the fearless leader of the team, Jason (Basketball stabber) Statham as the trusty knife-throwing sidekick, Dolph Lundgren as the treacherous giant one, Jet-Li as the small one, Terry Chews as Wesley Snipes, Mickey Rourke as the tattoo/previous knife-throwing sidekick and Randy Couter as the "who the hell is this guy, oh he's a UFC fighter" guy.

I still can't believe the unbelievable shape these guys are in! They're giants (exception for Jet-li of course).

Still, despite it's 80's throw-back appeal - the film isn't all action. Believe it or not there are slow parts. Mostly unnecessary filler between the action scenes. However the third act of the film makes up for the lack of action and then some!

It's when this third act commences when the true action film we've been waiting to see kicks in and steps up several notches to become the manliest most testosterone-fueled film since the last 'Rambo'!

It's funny, it's loud, it's un-relentlessly violent, an action-packed no-brainer of a film! An 80's action movie fan's wet-dream!!!

Bring on the sequel/s and bring on Jean-Claude Van Damme so he can give Statham the butt-kicking he so desperately deserves!!!

Tough guys. Always going on suicidal missions. Threatened by bullets and blades. Running from explosions. Best friends waging wars. Nearly killing each other, then going to the bar later to laugh about it. Director and star, Sylvester Stallone, gets all his best men together to kick as much ass as humanly possible, allowing himself a severe beating from Steve Austin. Sly took a serious neck injury. Then he goes in front of a Comic Con audience and jokes about it. A man whose Double-"R" franchises, Rocky and Rambo have both been highly successful. But he keeps coming back for more pain and putting his body on the line for the sake of entertainment. There's nothing tougher than that!

The Expendables is a movie that lifts you up out of your seat, pats you on the head, gives you a lollipop then smashes you in the frickin' face! With a cast like Jason Stathum, Randy Couture, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Terry Crews, Dolph "I Must Break You" Lundgren, and cameos from Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, you'd think it would be one crazy mess. Surprisingly, it's more focused then you may think. Just a straight-forward action movie with a reasonable run time that sustains itself and never has a chance to feel dull. It doesn't try to be anything more than what it is.

The only negative: Some of the blood and explosions looked digital. Wish it could have been just a bit more authentic. Sometimes, there was a tad too many closeups during the fight scenes. With so many people fighting at the same time, sometimes I couldn't tell who was punching who. It didn't happen very often, but how cool would it be just for one moment to see three simultaneous fights from a super wide master shot? Never, but I can't blame them. At least let the cameras pull back and allow the choreography to do the work.

It feels nice to get my ass kicked by something I haven't seen yet. It's not Rambo. It's not Rocky. Nor is it another Die Hard or Terminator sequel. It's something fresh, yet feels like it came out of the 80's. It has the perfect blend of humor, blood, sweat, smart-ass comebacks, witty one-liners, and an overabundance of testosterone! Don't expect anything more than action, exposition, action, exposition, all with a nice cherry on top… with sprinkles… and grenades. And some real tough guys. We all wish we could be tough guys. But no, let's just watch'em instead.

Watching this movie was a great experience for an 80's movie buff like me. Its like the advertisement for it says, it has everyone! It says a lot for Sylvester Stallone's toughness that he can still play a tough guy part when he is one year from collecting Social Security. It really tickled me seeing the cameos by Bruce Willis and "The Governator". Its sort of an inside joke, he and Stallone have always had a friendly rivalry. Mickey Rourke really steals the show in his few scenes as a former mercenary turned tattoo artist. He delivers a rambling speech at one point about losing your soul that is really oddly moving in a way. Director Stallone has the camera dwell on his battered features as he delivers it. The awesome special effects, loud explosions and familiar faces sort of blur the fact that the plot from this movie could have easily been an old A Team episode. There really isn't much of one. But who am I to quibble? This movie is a great way to round out the summer.

With the cast it had it was no surprise that The Expendables was being hyped long before it arrived in cinemas anywhere. "Could it be the greatest action movie ever?" some magazines breathlessly asked themselves, assuming perhaps that the cast could somehow just produce a good film by virtue of all just being in it. The answer of course is "no" and I doubt anyone expected it to be any other answer. However the real question was can the film produce the boys-only, 1980's action movie fun that the 2010 summer season needed. The answer to this question turned out to be "sort of" because The Expendables has plenty to enjoy about it but yet somehow falls short of what it could have been.

The plot is essentially a small group of mercenaries heading into a tropical island in order to take out the dictator and his ex-CIA puppet-master: so far, so "one man against endless ethnic army" 80's style plotting. And indeed so it is, complete with unnecessary violence and overblown physical actions and seemingly indestructible heroes. It plays out just the way you expect it to do and those looking for action sequences will enjoy the many fights and scenes where everything blows up (Terry Crews in particular demonstrating to the world why Infinity Ward were out of their minds to make the AA-12 a "secondary" weapon in Modern Warfare 2!). The downside of the action is that, while it is enjoyable, it doesn't deliver enough of two key things.

The first of these is genuine thrills. It comes close and there are good moments but generally you find yourself sitting back watching the mayhem for the sake of mayhem, whereas I would prefer to be sucked into and really gripped by the action - I wasn't really here; instead most of the action is of the video game style – where the enemy just keeps spawning in front of you and getting chopped down by powerful weaponry. The second thing that isn't as prevalent as I wanted was comedy. We get the odd bit here and there, but really Jet Li's "because I'm small" speech is probably the high point. What was needed was more comedy mixed in with the action. There were a few kiss-off lines but nothing memorable or even "good". These are important because it makes the excess easier to enjoy as just part of a fun package – the film not having enough suspense or thrills makes the lack of this "fun" all the more obvious and notable of a gap.

The cast do help though and not just in terms of having big names in there. They do have an easy charisma between them and they all play off each other well – whether it be Stallone and Statham or the brief cameos from Willis and Swarzenegger. Crews isn't used particularly well but otherwise I liked everyone else in it, even if there were probably too many of them to really do much with – I thought it was a good move, despite appearing to be an ensemble piece, to put most of the focus on two of them rather than spreading it evenly around. Of course looking at it fairly, the film is not great – the plot is obvious and full of "groan" moments that we have to have simply because of the genre plus it is hard to shake the feeling that the film is more for the stars benefit than it is about the viewers, like perhaps they enjoyed it more than I did? Overall though The Expendables is a solid enough 80's style action movie that does everything you expect it to do but nothing more. Personally I preferred The Losers to this simply because it delivered action and comedy blended well to make for an enjoyably silly actioner, whereas this doesn't really do that and perhaps takes itself a little too seriously for its own good. A solid genre film and enjoyable as that, but it doesn't do enough to justify the sheer volume of big names in it.