St George's Day

Hey people "Spoiler alert", this movie SUCKS big time. If I could give a film 0 stars believe me I would, I am so annoyed at wasting my time and money seeing this movie I've felt obliged to put pen to paper. This film blatantly copies all the standard Brit Gangster tropes that we've seen before in films such as "Layer cake", "Gangster No 1" etc. but does them all REALLY REALLY BADLY. The story revolves around the protagonists losing a consignment of cocaine belonging to the Russian mafia, Wow what an original concept! The acting is abysmal and wooden to say the least, the dialogue is of the "Not on my Manor you Muppet" quality. The "jokes" are completely unfunny (I cracked a smile maybe twice). The producers have obviously gotten Charles Dance in as a known "Star" thereby trying to give the movie some credibility, (I like Charles Dance, but be honest when was the last movie of any note you saw him in?) Well Charlie obviously had a big Gas/Electric/Tax bill to pay when this job came into his in-box and he looks decidedly uncomfortable and dyspeptic throughout and is obviously just going through the motions. The rest of the cast are actors that you've probably seen in "Eastenders" or "The Bill" or in some other awful Brit flick standing next to Danny Dyer, trying to look hard and act less wooden than him. I notice a previous reviewer comparing this to "The Long Good Friday", well watching St Georges Day seemed as though I'd sat through a very "Long Long Friday" but there the similarity ends. Do yourselves a favour, get a copy of the aforementioned and brilliant "Long Good Friday" with Bob Hoskins acting his socks off in his best ever role, and give this rubbish a miss. There are some good Brit Gangster movies out there.....This isn't one of them by a Long Long way.

You probably know Frank Harper from pretty much every British gangster film (he was 'Dog' in Lock Stock). Now, he's taken to writing and directing one of his own. St George's Day tells the story of two London gangsters who lose a shipment of drugs that belong to the Russian Mafia and have to pull off a heist to get the money to pay it back.

Yes, it's hardly an inspired plot, but, when you watch it, you'll soon realise that that's the least of its problems. Frank Harper narrates pretty much the whole way through, giving his 'patriotic' thoughts and opinions on the story, plus introducing every character along the way. And there are many. Every other scene has a new gangster who gets his own intro from Frank, most of which are hardly seen again in the film.

Unfortunately, St George's Day utilises every cliché in the book. Every line sounds like someone doing a bad impression of what they think a cockney would say. After a while, you start to wonder how quite a talented bunch of actors were ever roped into this film to begin with. I say 'talented actors' as most of them are. However, this doesn't apply to former Page 3 girl turned 'actress' Keeley Hazell. She is truly wooden beyond belief.

St George's Day brings nothing new to the genre of gangster films. It's clichéd, boring, overly-long and just bad. One to avoid. Stick with Lock Stock and Snatch.

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St George's Day is directed by Frankie Harper, he also co-writes the screenplay with Urs Buehler and stars with Craig Fairbrass, Vincent Regan, Charles Dance, Dexter Fletcher, Nick Moran, Keeley Hazell, Jamie Foreman and Sean Pertwee. Music is by Tim Attack and cinematography is by Mike Southon.

Frankie Harper, one of the most liked and recognisable faces from the slew of British gangster and football hooligan films, turns his hand to try and make his own mark in what is becoming a bulging genre of Brit film. The kicker here is that he blends the two popular lad staples together by having a plot involving gangsters using a football rumble as cover for a robbery. In Berlin, Germany, no less and St George's Day as well! Cor blimey!

Plot is kind of incidental, which is just as well since it's not exactly a brains trust script. Film is filled out with the requisite amount of shouting, swearing, fighting, shooting, thieving, jingoism, sloganeering and lairy witticisms. Harper has surrounded himself with pals, clearly offering up reassuring presences to the budding director, while it's fun for fans of this splinter of Brit cinema to play spot the face. It's all very blokey and enjoyable enough for the undemanding, but the good idea on the page is not born out as the narrative often gasps for fresh air, the attempts at complexity ending up mundane.

The cinematography is a highlight, with the number of Euro locations used giving good visual tonics. Cast perform adequately as per the material, though Moran, Fletcher, Dance and Pertwee are under used and therefore wasted. There's enough in here to suggest Harper could offer something of value as a director, but maybe a little less crass for crass sake should be jettisoned in favour of some intelligence in the writing. Dexter Fletcher's debut outing as a director, Wild Bill, is a good marker, Frankie would do well to follow his mate's lead. 6/10

Do you remember the good old days, when an Englishman's home was his castle? When you could leave your front door unlocked? Every other person down your street was a Pearly King? and every night was spent having a sing-song around the old Joanna at the rub-a- dub, before doing the Lambeth walk all the way home? Well the makers of this film do….Every character in this formulaic tosh is either a cheeky, chirpy, annoying Cock-ernee or is a hulking, growling Jason Statham-a-like who'll screw your head off your shoulders for looking sideways at his pint. St Georges day seems to be aimed at a typical 15- 22 year old lads mag audience and fair enough, but there isn't enough meat on the bones here for even the most easily pleased "Nuts" magazine reader. The sex isn't sexy enough, the comic bits aren't funny and you'll see better orchestrated violence in any town centre Kebab shop on a Saturday night. The plot is paper thin (The Russian Mafia …How very 80's….Missing Cocaine….How original "2 out of 10. See me at the end of class")

The acting is as wooden as a crate of light ale. And middle aged men ruminating on World war 2 and what being an Englishman is all about, still yearning for the good old days, just smacks of lazy writing & casual racism. At times this almost plays out as a recruiting film for the English Defence League. No doubt a few knuckle draggers will get something out of the casual violence, drug taking and football thuggery but everyone else please steer well clear of this load of old Pony*

* Cockney rhyming slang….Pony & Trap = CRAP

It took me a while to finally watch this, as I foolishly judged the film by it's IDMB rating (a habit I need to squash, as they've been highly inaccurate in the last year or so).

This film is exactly what you'd expect from the 'British gangster movie' club - The usual suspects, playing their usual parts, with a mix of action, violence, and tough men in nice suits, embroiled in turf wars with foreign mobsters, caught up in the standard situations that you've seen in these kind of films before.

If you're a fan of the genre, and British crime pieces, then I doubt you'll be disappointed, as the acting is up to scratch, it looks polished, and it is leagues ahead of many other cheap efforts from unknown British directors. Frank Harper has been in enough films over the years, some high budget, and others low, that's it not surprising that he is now venturing into the production and directing aspect of the business.

The pace of the film was fine, the characters were easy to accept and follow, there was a fair bit of drama, and it definitely wasn't as 'vulgar' as some are making out, as I've seen far worse, in regards to the over use of swearing, and unnecessary violence.

This is no 'Goodfellas' or 'The Godfather' but who would be expecting that kind of level from this film anyway?

It does what it said on the tin - Solid film, and good casual viewing.

I wrote this review to put some perspective on here, as the 4.5 rating is completely off the mark, and due to the low amount of submissions, it's probably some kind of 'politics'.

Final thought - IMDb ratings are not always justified, and one should probably make up their own mind, rather than rely on them, like I've done in the past. You'll miss out on good films if you do.

7/10