Finding Jesus

Dear reader, I would like to state the immense feeling of utter dread and pain that this movie made me feel inside mine human heart. I cannot even fathom the amount of brain cells that have died utter dreadful and painful deaths inside mine brain. I shall now proceed to jump outside my window in the hope that Jesus will save me from this complete and utter abomination. Yours truly, A broken man.

I lack the words to accurately describe just how all-encompassingly wretched this movie is. It's the sort of thing that Clive Barker would lock in a trunk and spend the rest of his life trying to forget about. It's the nightmare that student animators fear they will be contracted to make and then be remembered for. It's the result of dozens of minds engaging with source materials and art assets in a brave attempt to not only make something less than the sum of its parts, but somehow it amounts to even less than the value of any individual part.

I don't like this movie very much.

From the same company that brought us the horrid Star Wars rip-off known as Zoo Wars, comes Finding Jesus, a religious film that seems to be trying to make money off Finding Nemo. Basically, it's about two fish, Joy and Muggles, helping others with problems by using scripture from the bible and help from friends.

Yeah, I hate it. For a religious film, it sure is okay with stealing elements from Finding Nemo (and thus, breaking one of the Ten Commandments). The characters are very annoying, and the film gives a false message that scripture can immediately solve any problem or make people feel better in seconds, and the character models are all cheaply done to the point where they are always smiling (making them creepy).

Monotonous and headache inducing.

Was really hoping for some good laughs when I watched it, but was severely disappointed. Didn't even finish it :(

They don't find Jesus at all in this. I was very disappointed in that regard. This is some sort of super religious Finding Nemo Rip-off film that looks and sounds dreadful. Not even the kids will enjoy this fish poop. Leave the cringe at the bottom of the ocean!

1/10.