London Fields

The ingredients: (1) A very bored chain smoking Billy Bob Thornton without yellow fingers. (2) The femme fatale who is consumed by all things sexual like a female cat on heat. She doesn't work, prepare food or go shopping but instead prances around all day in her underwear in her flat in case male visitors arrive. She has also been living in the neighbourhood for a year but the boys never noticed before. How come? (3) The posh gentlemen who prefers to hang around in sleazy underground bars all by himself where he has no friends and doesn't fit in. (4) The dart player scumbag who squints his eyes and pulls faces every time he speaks as if someone emptied a bottle of lemon juice in his eyes. (5) The kid in a dinosaur suit who behaves like a total gremlin and has to be stopped physically or he will eat the furniture. Where can it go to from here? Only downwards, and we didn't even get to see her boobs.

I'm going to be brief: Jim Sturgess overacts so much it's embarrassing, my neighbours three dogs bark from the minute they leave to when they get back, Jim is way more irritating than them. It's like amateur dramatics night.

Give this one a wide berth.

Stylish with some surreal touches, but lost all the complexities of the book. It falls into the: 'so-bad-it's-entertaining' category. A vacuous, one-dimensional performance from Amber Heard adds nothing to an incoherent plot. Jim Sturgess epically over-acts to hilarious levels! What was the director thinking? No wonder Johnny Depp wanted to remain un-credited

I'm not sure if Jim Sturgess was encouraged to play the insanely over the top cockney geezer, or it's simply how he did it

I give it three stars, simply because the opening was brilliant, two minutes of stylish, elegant, engaging cinematography, those sequences were the best part of the film. Some scenes looked nice. However...

As soon as Keith arrives, the film becomes unwatchable. The plot vanishes, the story telling is nothing short of a fiasco, it really does become a self absorbed mess, I applaud you if you see it all the way through.

Theo James by contrast is very good, he's a fine actor, but the damage had been done beyond belief by the time he arrives.

Didn't enjoy it, 3/10.

Hands down, this HAS to be one of the WORST movies ever made.

It's a mess.

Not a film noir. It's a film No